22nd POLICE DISTRICT C.A.P.S. BREAKING THE LEASH OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WALK FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH

On Saturday, October 4th, I had the opportunity to attend the Breaking the Leash #DVAM Walk at the 22nd Police District, hosted by their C.A.P.S. unit.  Along with others, we walked the neighborhood with our dogs wrapped in purple bandanas, doggy treats and toys to help raise awareness.  I bought with me my NEW Shihtzu puppy, Rose.  Rose was the youngest and smallest dog present and was well loved on by fellow attendees and some of the police officers that came outside to support us.

This event was wonderful and a NEW experience for me.  I knew animals such as dogs are also abused during some domestic violence related cases but I never thought to include them in helping us raise awareness.  The dogs and their owners, marched through the neighborhood surrounding the police station, all the while barking and pooping may I add, which caused neighbors to reach out and ask us what cause we were walking for and ways that they too can get involved.

The dogs ranged from all types and sizes.  There was even clergy who prayed over the dogs and the owners before we walked the neighborhood.  I thought that was the cutest prayer I ever heard.  All in all, this was a great experience and I look forward to continuing to find ways to help the 22nd Police District C.A.P.S. unit raise domestic violence.  At the conclusion of the walk, all of the dogs received toys, treats and there were raffle prizes of products for dogs ONLY.  There were light refreshments adorned in purple decorations and great opportunities to network and fellowship with everyone.  What a great time and unique way to help raise awareness for Domestic Violence Awareness Month!!!!

2014 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH KICK-OFF RALLY (THOMPSON CENTER)



For one hour annually, during the first days of October, Chicago Metropolitan Battered Women's Network host a kick-off rally to honor Domestic Violence Awareness Month aka #DVAM on social media.  At this rally, service providers, elected officials, family members of those who were murdered by person's who batter, clergy, community activist, advocates and allies for victims and survivors of domestic violence all attend with one common goal: Help STOP violence against women in children in our communities.

 

1 out of 4 women will be abused in their lifetime

 



 

As we gathered this year, again I reflected on another year I SURVIVED domestic violence.  I rocked by A New Me Foundation (ANMF) tee shirt proudly (although you couldn't see it because Chicago weather was not all that kind to us that day).  I was thankful for the hard work that ANMF continuously commit to in our communities to help end ALL violence against women and their children.  This year the atmosphere was different.  Instead of keynote speakers, the Network utilized creative displays of visual platforms of several women role playing scenes as they were walking around in a circle to seek out help after they recently left their batterers.  They walked to and sometimes with their children to the church, hospital, social services, shelters for battered women or homeless women, banks, etc. and were turned away, instantly.  This showed us attendees the various obstacles and lack of resources a victim or survivor of domestic violence faces once they decide to leave and summing up the recent hashtag #WhyIStayed .  

 

 

 

The women held up cardboard signs explaining their current situation which was most likely becoming homeless after leaving their abusive partner.  There was a woman who was disabled and was turned away from receiving services and resources as well.  That left a huge impact on our hearts as we watched her have difficulties getting around. 

 

The Executive Director of the Network also briefly touched on the Ray Rice evolving case and pointed out the cycles of violence that is obviously affecting the victim (Ray's wife) to rationally make decisions and to remind us that there are plenty of similar stories of domestic violence that plagues not only in our state of Illinois but nationwide. 

 

#DVAM is what you make it, help communities and service providers raise funds and awareness not just in October, but year round.  You can commit your time and resources by the following:

 

1.)  Join social media campaigns to help raise awareness ( #DVAM , #LoveIsNotAbuse , #DVAM2014 )

 

2.)  Wear PURPLE all month long to let your networks know about domestic violence

 

3.)  Google #DVAM calendars of events for the city/town where you reside and attend local events

 

4.) EDUCATE yourself on domestic violence by attending trainings and seminars locally (warning fees may apply)

 

5.) Volunteer and/or donate to domestic violence and homeless shelters

 

6.) Support that family member, child, youth or friend that is currently a victim/survivor

 

7.) Raise funds to support service providers as they continue to help victims and survivors of domestic violence

 

 

Again, whatever you can do this month for #DVAM is greatly appreciated in advance and we at A New Me Foundation, are continuously in the fight to end ALL violence against women, their children and everyone affected by domestic violence.

 

 

 

Be blessed,

Felicia Simpson

Founder & Executive Director of ANMF



 

GOAL SETTING

Have you ever had a goal that you wanted to pursue but just felt like you didn’t have enough resources to accomplish it or get things up and running to get it done?  What about the calling or purpose in your life that you’ve been passionate about for a while but you felt like no one would support you or that you weren’t educated enough to walk into that season of helping yourself in life as well as others?   Or have you thought about going back to school but have made up every excuse possible for the reasons that you can’t.  Fret not friends, I’ve experienced those same negative thoughts myself at one point of time in my life.

In order to see positive changes happen in your life, you must shift your negative thinking because it produces negative thoughts that produces negative outcomes in and around your life.  I had the pleasure of attending a training this week and the focus was on goal setting as it relates to your education and career.  In this platform today, I want you to use three-year and five-year goal setting plans for both.  Once you navigate through your plans, this road map as you WRITE down your goals, will answer those questions in the above paragraph.  (Refer to the scripture Habakkuk 2:2-3)

Write down your goals in a journal, on a vision board, or on some type of paper where you can place this information around you daily as a reminder to stay focused on your goals, while achieving them.  For example, I have the remaining schedule for my undergrad courses posted on my desk at work, in my homework folder as well as on my bulletin board at home.  I check off each time I enroll in a new class and it visually shows me the remaining classes I have left in order to graduate.  I get a kick out of highlighting a new class.  It’s a symbolic reminder to me that I am staying focused on my educational goals and I’m closer to graduating and moving onto a Master’s program.  I would also suggest doing separate goal setting or goal planning for each of the following: your career, educational or personal goals.  That way, you can SEE your blueprint for each of your goals, and the direction you want them to go in.  While writing your goals, think about answering the following questions and/or suggestions to list in your journal entry:

•     What are my short and long-term goals?
•     What sacrifices will you make to accomplish your goal(s)?
•     What are the key steps to accomplishing your goals? Be specific.
•     List any resources, mentors, collaborations, etc. that can also help you achieve your goal(s).
•     Give yourself a deadline to finish your goal(s).
•     Sign your name at the end of writing out your goal planning.  This is confirming your acknowledgment and approval of your goal(s).
•     Don’t be afraid to revise your goals as you meet them.

These questions are helpful to give you a push to get your goals written down.  Most people hold on to their goals in their minds because of fear to execute them.  Writing them down, to me, is the first step to executing your goals.  People often want to get the results of things but not take the journey to plan things out orally and in some format of writing.  I’m “old school” as they say.  I like to write my goals out on paper first.  If you are more comfortable with using a fancy app on your laptops, iPads, tablets, phones or whatever else is out there, by all means, USE IT! 

Next, stay consistent with reflecting and revising your goals.  Sometimes, you can start out with a goal, gain some knowledge and/or experiences that require you to revise or change it all together.  Don’t worry.  It happens to the best of us.  Take the necessary lessons learned and keep it moving.  Don’t get discouraged and decide to give up all together.  Think about some of the most successful people who at some point in their life changed their goals to fit and maximize their purpose in life.  Albert Einstein revised his goals, Oprah Winfrey at some point, altered her goals in life.  The late Steve Jobs, Co-Founder, Chairman and CEO of Apple, Inc., changed his goals too.  Some of the greatest inventions, programs and technology all emerged from a revised goal.

Lastly, celebrate yourself once you accomplish your goals.  Giving yourself a pat on the back for a job well done or treating yourself to something special is not only an incentive for you but it motivates you to get back to the drawing board of setting more goals and accomplishing them.  

Hope this help you set and accomplish your goals as it has helped me throughout the years.

Be blessed!

Felicia Simpson

An Open Letter to Ray Rice

Dear Ray Rice,

This open letter to you comes from the most conscious places in my mind.  As a human being, a survivor of domestic violence, a domestic violence advocate and Founder of A New Me Foundation, NFP which serves as a platform for victims, survivors and everyone who has been affected by domestic violence, a current undergrad student majoring in Criminal Justice Administration that enhances my skills development daily working in the unfortunate field of domestic violence and which strengthens the cords of my credentials in domestic violence and partner abuse intervention.  I must admit this letter to you does not come by as easy as other forms of writing I've accomplished in the past.  I've prayed and asked God to remove any malice in my heart from hearing and watching another act of violence against a woman and the amount of attention it receives because of a celebrity such as yourself is involved.  I've prayed and asked God to reveal to me in writing what needs to be addressed in this matter and I've prayed that if this letter reaches you in some format, that it will open your eyes and heart to the process of changing this learned behavior.

Domestic violence as you may not know, is a learned behavior.  It is not a disease in which you can "catch it".  Somewhere and/or through someone, you learned of this violent behavior that stemmed from a cycle of violence.  In the first stage of this cycle is known as the tension building stage.  This is when tactics are used by a person who batters to gain power and control in the relationship through isolating the victim, or using tactics of verbal or emotional abuse.  At this cycle or stage, this is where the victim usually attempts to avoid any violent behavior by "walking around on eggshells" to avoid conflict that could later result in the next stage, the explosion stage.  The explosion stage is what I call, when the fight breaks out! This is when the person who batters exercises the actual abuse, be it through physical, verbal, financial, emotional, sexual, etc., whatever tactic the person who batters uses at that time.  Please keep in mind that each cycle of violence occurs in different time frames, one stage could be a day, another could be months long or years.  Which leads us to the final cycle of violence which is the honeymoon phase.  The honeymoon phase is the time that is often misleading to the victim but orchestrated by the person who batters.  This is when the person who batters will say, "I'm sorry, I'll never do that again", adorns the victim with gifts, flowers and/or promises that they have no intentions of fulfilling such as going through couples counseling (in domestic violence, partners should NEVER seek couples therapy/counseling, but engage in separate counseling to make sure that the victim is safe at all times and there is no power and control gateways or tactics used by the person who batters). Those three stages that I mentioned, repeats itself in that order, which visually creates the cycle of violence.

I've read countless comments and articles since Monday when your story broke nationally, that stated somethings such as, "She's the fool, she turned around and married him."  This is considered part of that honeymoon stage that I just mentioned.  Again, according the developing story, this incident happened in February and you both married in March.  Not a coincidence to me because, given the cycle of violence, after the explosion (video of incident in the elevator), that was the next stage and time frame for the "honeymoon stage" (your wedding).  What people fail to realize is at the core (in the middle) of the cycles of violence lies the one stage that doesn't get a public acknowledgement or awareness and that stage sir is DENIAL.  This is where we all play apart in the continuous cases of domestic violence.  For the person that batters, this is when he/she denies to him/herself that anything happened, it was their partners fault for their action(s), takes on gender roles and the distorted idea of masculinity roles to justify those learned behaviors, etc.  For the victim, denial seeps through the mental seeds planted and fantasizes in their mind that things will get better if the victim would perform certain actions to prevent this again.  The victim denies that the person who battered them is not the person that they fell in love with.  When approached by society, friends or family, the victim denies what goes on behind closed doors or in some cases, in public places such as in the elevator. The victim denies to themselves that they can leave their abusive partner because they lack money, resources, education, and any other thing our society and judicial system fails to give them to become productive citizens once they transition from victim to survivor.  Finally, society denies or minimizes the problem on the surface by victim blaming, "Well what did the victim do to deserve that?", they walk passed the couple on the corner who is involved in an altercation and whispers softly, "I'd never go through that", while never calling the police to stop the altercation.  I live in Chicago, IL, our police department receives over 500 domestic dispute related calls daily.  As within any law enforcement institutions, they are not always equipped to accurately handle each call but the victim rarely knows this information is available to utilize 24 hours a day no matter where they are located.  Society denies the outcome of the situation by saying, "She's just gonna go back to him tomorrow, no use in getting involved", not realizing that victim may never see tomorrow if beaten to death or shot and killed moments later by the person who batters.

Again, my letter to you is not to judge you or your wife's actions, I believe society has done enough of that.  However, my letter to you is to educate you on those actions to prevent further cases such as this from happening again, because truthfully speaking, that's how I learned I was a victim of domestic violence.  I had never heard of the term nor did I know that what I went through at the time had been by way of the Duluth model (the famous power and control wheel).  As I continue to read comments and articles about your incident, it furthers shows me how much our society is not educated on domestic violence and how does it get to this point?

All through my timeline I did see posts and comments stating that what happened in the elevator was not the first time something like this happened in your relationship.  I can't say if it was or if it wasn't but what I will say that was clearly exposed, there was the tension building stage before the explosion of what we saw in the elevator.  I tell people all of the time, a person who batters doesn't punch the victim on the first date.  Domestic violence is learned behavior so it takes time for a person who batters to learn what tactics to use on the victim.  Victims refer to this as Dr. Jekyll (the good personality of their partner) and Mr. Hide (the bad or evil personality of their partner).  The person who batters portrays several personalities and again are a human being themselves with other issues battling their mind and heart, other than domestic violence.  I'm not sure what else or if anything else is on the battlefield of your mind, but I strongly suggest you get to the core of it, because if not, you will revisit this situation again and that's part of how domestic violence continues.  Meaning, if your wife decides to take actions to leave you and she doesn't heal properly from this, she will eventually get involved with another person who batters and vice versa.  If you don't take the necessary actions to properly heal from this, get the help you need to prevent this from happening ever again, you too will meet another woman, and repeat this incident.  Society triages the victims by providing temporary services to them with limited funding and too often cuts funding from service providers in domestic violence services.  Our government spends billions of dollars annually funding citizens on welfare for years who are very capable of working but turns away from allocating funds into domestic violence that will save lives annually.  That's where society has failed both you and your wife.  Society turned away from your wife if/when she first reached out for help possibly because of the power you hold as a professional football player or simply because at large, society views domestic violence as private matter.

I was once married to a person who abused me and although we weren't public figures such as yourself, we still share a common story.  I married my ex-husband months later after one of our many altercations, believing at the time, that he was remorseful and that things will change.  That was our "honeymoon stage" too.  The wedding was beautiful to me at least, I had friends and family there who knew what all we had been through, offered their support if I chose to walk down that aisle or not, opposed coming to the ceremony because they knew the deep dark secret of the abuse I had endured, etc.  I am recalling these memories to you because as a survivor, they will never go away.  As a victim who may be currently in the situation, they don't think rationally, all of the time.  So for those who continuously blame your wife for marrying you after the incident, stop it!  I'm sure she saw in you good/great qualities as a man first before she became a victim of domestic violence.  

What happens now?  Was the NFL too harsh on you or is this just consequences for your actions?  Is your wife blinded by the cycle of violence and taking up for you by voicing her thoughts and opinions through social media?  Why doesn't your wife "look" like a victim of domestic violence?  Can your marriage be saved or reconciled after this? What does a victim or survivor of domestic violence "look" like? Will the NFL continue on turning their eyes away from the epidemic of domestic violence until one of their employees makes the headlines again and still not invest a dollar into a batterers intervention program?  How many other NFL players who have battered their partners, stories haven't been caught on tape in an elevator (trust and know that you are not the first or will be the last)? How soon before your story dies down and society forgets you and your current wife exists before another story surfaces?  What can we do to prevent stories like this from happening again and being mocked across the globe thanks to the world wide web and not being used to help save lives of victims and provide successful interventions for persons who batter?  Moving forward, will society take action and educate themselves more on domestic violence or just leave it alone?  As a citizen of the United States, how many more open letters do I have to write to make a difference in the lives of others just as Kimye's extravagant wedding did in the fashion industry and the obsession of trendy reality shows (no shade Kimye)?  From your story, I wonder, how many other victims will speak out against domestic violence now?  I wonder when will the next story headlines read that another celebrity beat or killed their partner and no charges were brought to Lady Justice?  

These questions you may or may not know all of the answers to.  But just take one of them and that's where you can begin to change the cycles of violence.  It is unfortunate that this won't go away over night, the best publicist you'll ever hire can not make it go away either even after the media moves on to another story that grabs the quick attention of our society, the NFL can not solve all of the problems related to your story,  the memories of a mother who will despise you although she never met you personally, because she lost her daughter due to domestic violence, will continue.  A survivor such as myself will always see your story through the testimony of my life and other women who will come to me beaten, battered and scorn from a person who batters, will always refer to your story to educate others.  A victim, will never come forth and seek help because they are reading your story every where they turn and seeing the personal views and opinions of others in the media that scrutinizes the victim, your wife while glorifying your actions.  Or suicide and homicide rates will continuously increase because that video that TMZ posted to possibly shame you or make an attempt to raise awareness.  That video maybe a victim's way of ending their life themselves before something like this happens to them, or the person who batters, takes matters into their own hands and kills another victim.  

Finally, I don't know you, never seen you play football (I don't watch football), don't know your wife, but what I do know is domestic violence is a silent killer and that my work is obviously not done.  I challenge you as a human being to take full accountability for your actions and get the necessary help you need to never allow this to happen again to yourself and utilize every gateway possible to be available to be a platform to help others that have walked or are walking in your shoes that have battered a person, to help educate others on domestic violence.  Once you start somewhere towards making better decisions in life and being accountable for your actions, Mr. Ray Rice, is how WE can one day END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! 

Thanks for taking your time reading this open letter to you, I hope I have planted seeds of change for you.

Felicia Simpson

Founder/Executive Director of A New Me Foundation, NFP

THANK YOU FOR PURCHASING MY BOOK "GOD, DO I HEAR WEDDING BELLS?"

Your support and constant prayers mean so much to me over the years since 2007, when this book was first published.  In this video, I'm excited to announce NEW projects from the relaunch of this book.

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THANK YOU & may God continue to bless you!

Lessons Learned!

This month I had the opportunity to take a vacation to Virginia to enjoy nature and some of it's adventures.  It was a treat if for no one else, ME.  I'm an adventurous type of woman that like to do the usual "don't do's"..... sometimes I associate with being a dare devil Gemini.  On this vacation, I went kayaking and horseback riding.  With each experience, I WAS SCARED TO DEATH! But guess what, I SURVIVED....BOTH!!!!!!

Kayaking was a lesson for me on patience, trust and endurance.  It became my analogy for my relationship with God.  I'm queen of analogies just FYI.  I get bored with people, places and things QUICK.  Once I get the point, I move on.  So for kayaking, me and my partner were one with nature, from the sights, sounds, very close to the water or possible dangers of the water, animals on the land and sea, and other people.  We had to not only work together to steer the kayaking canoe thingy, my partner did more work than me, we had to consider all things as we moved along the lake.  When I was tired and arms burning, my partner kept us going.  When I just wanted to sight see, my partner listened to my observations.  When I tried to get adventurous and venture off on my own thing for a second, but wind of falling in the very swampy and filthy water, covered in muddy water, sticks and God knows what else, my partner made sure I was ok, helped me back inside the canoe and then LAUGHED so hard at me.  This kayaking taught me that God has given me pieces of the world to enjoy and reflect on.  He's trusted me with the lives of people to help walk a better path and that requires trust!  He reassured me that sometimes, I go off on my own path and FAIL, but He doesn't condemn me, He laughs at my childish ways and steers me back in the right paths of His ways and in His will.....ain't He good?

Next up, horse back riding.  Now I've only rode ponies as a little girl so image me shaking and scared for my life approaching this animal that was extremely bigger and stronger than me and of all things, more in shape than me (Felicia doesn't exercise, only walking...... #dontjudgeme).  I was suppose to have the most softer, oldest and calmer horse than all of the other horses on the farm.  By the way, her name is Nutty Buddy.  I was given a quick lesson on how to care for and get in tune with horses and the history of Nutty Buddy.  Still afraid, I became anxious because we arrived at the farm at 10am and was still waiting around at 1pm to ride the horses.  I was almost over the experience before it began.  So with this experience, God taught me what true obedience means, my faith in the Almighty is stronger than ever, PATIENCE for the millionth time Felicia, trust in your instincts and communication skills through body language and verbal.  Because I was a little scared,......ok.... A LOT scared than other riders they took me and the horse around the yard a few times just so we can get used to each other and practice some key commands and techniques that would be much needed for the trail ride ahead.  

I noticed there were some veteran riders, first timers, a little seasoned, breeders and others on this trail with us.  Some of us rode the stallions and some walked.  Look at GOD!  The revelation to me was how our walks in our faith with God maybe different, but we all are on the same trail serving the same God and we help each other through the journey.  It wouldn't be a day in my life if my horse wasn't the most active after all.  Me and Nutty Buddy were headed for a small pond of water and after communicating to the horse several times that we were headed off the trails of others, the horse still did what it wanted to do.  The breeder, on foot, ran and stopped the horse by pulling the reigns and verbally communicating the command of turning back around and headed the horse and me, back on tract like the others.  That reminded me of the Holy Spirit that God will send to stop you in your tract and turn you around when you're headed in the wrong direction.

Oh, but the story doesn't end there.  The horse I rode had just been stung the day before by yellow jackets and we, you guessed it, rode through some.  At first, the horse sensed the danger ahead and gave a warning sign.  I didn't see anything, and kept riding next, it suddenly, in my words, WENT CRAZY and with me still on top of the horse.  Once again, the breeder ran to my side and instructed me to immediately jump off the horse.  She didn't have to tell Felicia twice you can believe that!  I had to walk the rest of the way back to the farm while others rode proudly into the stables and everyone cheering them on as they returned.  But here's the revelation I got out of this death defying experience (ok, I'm exaggerating but stay with me), LOL.  God, spoke to me and said, "Felicia, I see all and know all.  Trust me when danger, storms, trials and tribulations approaches you, I'll give you a warning that there's something about to block your path and if My warning is still unclear to you, I will take care of the danger completely away from you and you will still carry on safely on the journey I have set out for you."  When I tell you,  I hit my praise break on that farm, it was life changing.

In life and in EVERY situation you're faced with there are lessons to be learned.  If you're like me, use analogies to help you reveal God's revelations.  Seek Him and ASK Him, what He wants you to learn from these lessons learned!

Be blessed.

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Pre-order your copy today of God, Do I Hear Wedding Bells for $10 (Free shipping and handling for a limited time) and click "Donate" button to pay on this site. This is the relaunch of my the book (2007). Book clubs are welcomed to purchase in bulk. Thank you in advance for supporting me and A New Me Foundation, Inc. Book will be available in JULY!!!!!!!