SOMETHING IS MISSING

Sometime ago when we were carefree, holding hands and writing each other notes in between the hallways of social identity, that was the highlight of our day. First love, where did you go? Something is missing in this story that I wrote of my future. Our future. I painted this elaborate portrait on a canvas, made only for you, but something is still missing. That fire, aggressive but yet tender stroke of each attempt of writing on your walls has left me embracing now, what could've been then. Something is missing......

Today, I look around and see all the memories of what we shared yesturday and know that I was happy in those pictures. But at this moment right now, I can't put my finger on it, but something is missing. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, awaiting to hear your voice and remembering every word your still voice said to me. Today, I turn back to you because I recognize that yes indeed, something is missing.

What was missing all of this time you ask? It was my first love of course....... writing!!!

BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

A NEW ME >>>>>> REDEFINED

I created a new photo album on Facebook entitled, A NEW ME >>>>>> REDEFINED...... This concept came about because although 2010 was a new beginning for me healing from a tragic past of domestic violence, I rediscovered the new person I have become. I learned how to function and deal with the "new me", because trust me, I was clueless. I could tell you stories all about the old me, but this new person that I have become, is something else and I am taking several attempts trying to get used to it. I kind of feel like I'm a character in Terry McMillian's new book, Getting to Happy.

I will say that I am now more humble, patient and willing to help anyone that needs help, encouraging words, love, motivation, advice, etc. I'm so happy you all didn't get to meet the self-centered, selfish, evil, conceited, rebellious person that I used to be. I only cared about myself and what I wanted. NOT anymore.....I cried the day I twisted my hair because I felt the presence finally of the redefined woman that I am now. For once, I did something that I wanted to do, because I WANTED IT! It wasn't about how I thought people would think about my decision to go natural. I erased that image that all light skinned African American women, have to be cute and fierce and hair flowing down our backs. I've mentioned several times that since I did the big CHOP in October 2010, I've accepted the real me and not the person everyone wants me to be. I hid behind my hairstyles a lot and just explored too many different options. My hair was healthy permed but I always longed to have blonde locs someday. I was too shallow and not confident enough in myself to go through the transition, until now.

Am I suggesting everyone go out and whack off all of your hair off to feel and experience freedom, like me.........of course not. That's what worked best for me. I enjoy my little crazy looking afro that is growing continously.

I AM A NEW ME THAT IS REDEFINED AND I LOVE IT!!!


BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

So here's the deal, I have been getting "coached" from several different sources on ways to be single, mingle, have a good time and enjoy this new and exciting life, I've stumbled upon. I must say there was one rule that I was totally stubborn against following at first: LET GO OF EVERYTHING YOU WERE TAUGHT AND HEARD!!! Now, I'm half way cool with this idea or rule, only because of the saying that you shouldn't forget about your past. I admit, this single-dating life is CRAZY, at times! Making the time to meet people and not staying in the shadows, where no one will notice you or remember your name is definitely not the way to go. You want to be approachable when you are single, but sometimes we hide behind and embrace being single, to avoid the possibilities of rejections, heartbreaks, or fear of repeating the same mistakes over and over. If this sounds like you........ guess what? Me too!!!

Stepping out of your comfort zone takes alot of courage and patience. This means having an open mind for ways that new opportunities, can squeeze into your mind and eventually your life. If you are going to the same spots, looking at the same people, but yet, hoping for a new result, chances are it won't happen. Be free and open to explore places you've never been to and things you've never done. No one likes a stick in the mud (insert a laugh here, it was one of my corny jokes).

Try a night out at a live jazz spot, art gallery, wine tasting events, new/local restaurants, poetry readings, comedy showcases, etc. Now please take note that we are in this new adventure together. So some and most of the things that I suggest to you, I am either doing, have done, or is looking into them as well. My point is, step out of your comfort zone or that everyday routine and try something different. Throw on that dress you've had in the back of that closet and go out dancing. Put on those tennis shoes and go burn off some steam at the gym. Just do something that will take you away from what you've been doing.

Now go ahead and enjoy life!!!
BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!

"THE CONVERSATION " by HILL HARPER

You all know by now that I'm a bookworm with all of my heart. I learn from all genres of reading sources and enjoy the quote that says, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Being single has allotted me to research the dating world of men and women on every level from the initial greeting to jumping the broom on the rose petaled aisle of the church house. I came across this book several times and passed it up to read other titles that were on my long wishlist of novels at Borders bookstore.

"The Conversation" by Hill Harper is an easy read as I suggested in my Monthly Reading Suggestion for January 2011 on my website. It was a page turner for myself and the message that stood out to me was a scientific discovery of oxytocin:

"Did you know that there is a hormone called oxytocin that is released by both men and women during sex? Oxytocin is called the "bonding hormone" because it is secreted into women's bloodstreams during breat-feeding to bond mother to baby. Oxytocin is responsible for the feel-good feeling we all get when we cuddle or have an organsm. But here is the trick: Women's bodies secrete more often than men's bodies do, and women have more receptors in their bodies for the hormone. What does this mean? It means that every act of affection or sex is more biologically significant to a woman. Her biology has set her up to bond with every human who causes the release of this hormone....."

I mentioned this because of the overall discussion in the chapter of this book......read it for yourself...LOL!!! Men were basically saying that when they are engaged in sexual activities and behaviors, it's just that.....sex! Most or some women take a different scenic route, they are emotionally attached to the act if not including the partner as well. Some women can adore the physical intimacy with the person but yet NOT be attracted to their partner. I understood this concept more and more as I turned the pages in this book. Am I shocked at this male-dominated revelation? Of course not! It just made me do more of what I do best once my neck roles or eye(s) twitches at a comment....I conducted more research!!!

Hill's book is an exceptional read for the single, married, divorced, widowed or just the friendship bonds between male and females. Pick up your copy today!

BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & HIV/AIDS!!!

JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY

Yesterday I was an emotional wreck....my past kept haunting me in my mind and traveled downward to my heart. It started the night before when out of nowhere, I erupted tears of sadness to a friend about my decision on getting a divorce earlier this year. Everything on the outside of my body and life is an abundance of blessings on top of blessings, and then fear, guilt and worry always find a way back into the most intimate parts of my soul. They (fear, guilt and worry) were trying to convince me that maintaining healthy relationships with men and women were nonexistent in my life from now on. Yes, I have hundreds of Facebook friends and a Twitter addiction is not exaggerating my interaction on that social network daily. I say all of that to say, that I felt as if I have no one to talk to about the emotional roller coaster rides I experience in my life. I'm the one that is the domestic violence advocate, blogger, motivational speaker, mother, author, and so much more. So surely, I felt and honestly believed that I have to have my life in order at all times. Just reading that as I type this instantly let's me know my thinking cap clearly isn't on right. I looked at my process and the journey I've traveled over the year of 2010 and realized that a lot of steps I took to get through my divorce and even now afterwards have been spent alone or alone with God in my prayer closet. Of course that is fine and no harm done in that spiritual relationship.

My advice:You should seek God first and always while making ANY decision(s).

I'm opening up my heart to you now because I feel that if you have experienced a traumatic experience such as domestic violence, heartbreak, death, illness or whatever that has placed a pause or slowed your life down, NEVER go through it alone. Always, always share your stories, triumphs with others through those storms and continue to reach out for help, if and whenever you need to. I'll say it if you need me to: find a special person in your life that is a just a phone call away! Sometimes we just need a friend that has that listening ear, if nothing else. Often times, once we start our venting or pity party sessions, a lot of answers to questions you might have had, will be revealed to you.

Lean on and trust on that trusted friend when you need them the most. Note to yourself, that's what they are there for!!!! I pray that all of your days will be filled with love and happiness but if you find a day in your life that has thrown that balance off.....consider talking to that person that is just a phone call away........and technology keeps changing, someone brilliant invented the video call system of Skype, now you can not only talk to your friends and family, but you can actually see them while you talk to them.


BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

MY STAR PLAYER

Everyone, meet my star player of the NBA league, DERRICK ROSE!! Would I blog about him? YES!!! Other people do and actually get paid a nice penny too, nontheless. I on the other hand is indeed his #1 fan. I admire his humble spirit on and off the court. He is the "go to guy" on the team but yet, doesn't mind sharing the spotlight to make fast-paced decisions amongst other teammates. Sort of reminds me of myself! He gives back to the community and lives as close to a normal life as anyone else as possible. You know money and celeb status does change some people, but I can say not for this player.

DERRICK ROSE is also in transitioning phases in life like myself. He has emerged from his rookie year to the All-Star last year and if you all continue to vote for him, he will make the All-Star team next year and I see a championship ring or two in his future. A lot of respect has to be given to a player who is eager to grow and become the best player that they can be unlike some other NBA players that I won't even bother mentioning.

Those are just a few of the reasons why I admire that man dressed in the garments of the CHICAGO BULLS jersey with what other number could he be.............. #1

HAPPY PINK HOLIDAYS

I love the color PINK! It's my favorite color and sexiest color in the Crayola box. I thought about how this would be a great bedazzled stocking stuffer for your significant others, boo's and wives men: any shade of PINK eye shadow by MAC Comestics. I personally prefer the darker shades of pink around my eyes. It brings out the fiesty side of me and the shy personality that overlaps that often, gets to take a break for the night.

Women: There is a dress that you have in your closet that is`screaming for attention from you.....throw that dress on and add a FIERCE shade of PINK eye shadow and watch the magic unfold. Now ladies beware that PINK is not for everyone to wear and it depends on what it is that you are wearing with it. So don't go out there and Twitpic a picture that is NOT, I repeat NOT....FIERCE and tell folks that I told you to do that to yourself LOL.


Men: Know your woman! Pay attention to the smallest features of her make-up that entice you and let your woman know what hues (colors) look good on her to avoid any mishaps on the runway of your bedroom. I am a woman and when a man notices the smallest things that I add to the evening, such as my make-up, it shows your interest in me even more. Don't just take my word for it, try it out and see the results......

BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!! ROCK YOUR FIERCE PINK EYESHADOW FOR A DAY OR EVENING DURING THE HOLIDAYS!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A SAFE AND SEXY NEW YEARS TO ALL!!!