DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

Women bare more than the strength of a lion.  We give birth to beautiful children, care for our homes and families, make time for our passions (some of us get paid for doing what we love to do), heal the sick, mend the broken pieces found in others, but so often we NEGLECT ourselves.  Well ladies, it's time to take better care of YOU!!! 

These thoughts comes to mind because as a survivor of domestic violence, I no longer take for granted the simple things in life: taking a walk a long the beach, yes, if you live in Chicago, the weather isn't that bad.....try it!  Or for myself, I love taking pictures, especially nature shots (birds, land, flowers, trees, water, bugs, etc), for me, it's the best meditation after a hard work week. I've learned to appreciate the smallest or simplest things in life that guess what?  MAKES ME HAPPY.  

I come across so many women that can tell me EVERYTHING about what their kids, spouses, families and friends love to do and how they "go all out" for them, but when I ask them the question, what do YOU enjoy doing?  Their faces are beyond blank, or their minds are racing with thoughts to quickly answer the question, due to lack of knowledge or they never thought about what they actually like to do.  Women, women, women, get your lives back in order and do something for YOU.  Tell the hubster to watch the kids, cause momma is going out in the world to enjoy her some, "me time".  If you're single, reorganize that calendar and get to stepping as Martin Lawrence would say and find your passion, perfect your hobbies, read a book, sing a song...... just do something that relaxes your mind from the chaos of the world.  

It took me to escape to Milwaukee, Wisconsin to find out that I love to write.  The crazy thing is, I wrote everyday in my journals, but my mind could not articulate that I love to write stories, or deal with my problems and frustrations through writing.  To me, I was simply doing something out of habit.  So once I figured out that my passion was writing, four books that I've written have been self published, I began blogging because it was my feelings not expressed in my journal but on the internet so that others can read it and know that they too can survive and live a victorious life.  I help women, their children and their families who have been affected by domestic violence so you can imagine how much speaking and writing I have to do.

What is your passion?  What makes you smile while in the mist of doing it?  What helps you inspire and empower others?  That thing or those things that are the answer to those questions are all things that YOU need to do and do in the lives of others.  I was being interviewed for an online article and was asked about how I feel when people or organizations "copy" what I do with my foundation?  My answer was simple, I feel nothing, I've given them a template to use and what else would I expect them to do but use it.  I don't feel like people copy me and the things I'm doing in our communities.  It makes me proud to know and see when someone comes to me seeking help and ways to help others and start executing their passions.  I say that to say, while doing your passions and perfecting your hobbies, you are not only helping yourself and possibly your families, but there's a slight chance that you'll help birth someone else's passions.

So let's recap, busy woman of God, SLOW DOWN, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and finally, DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND SMILE ON THE INSIDE THAT PRODUCES FRUIT ON THE OUTSIDE.



HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN OUR COMMUNITIES.

THE WORLD LOOKS DIFFERENT TODAY

The world looks different today.
Not just any different.
Somethings have changed,
I've changed!!
The things that used to upset me, don't now.
The places I used to go for what I thought was fun, 
no longer excites me.
The world looks different today.
Not just any different.
Somethings have changed.
I've changed!!!
The people who I once loved and would do almost anything for,
are no longer my priority.
As the days go by, I noticed the growth in my love and commitment I invest in my kids,
instead of neglecting them and expecting society to raise them.
I told you, the world looks different today.
It's because I'm different today.
God has erased my past and now I look at things differently.
The pain that I had, 
I released it to God.
That love I lost, 
I thanked God that He had someone for me that loves me wholeheartedly now,
and time prepared me to receive it.
The tears I used to cry have been far removed from me.
The fears I used to have, I stand boldly in front of them now.
See, in order to see a difference, you first must be different.
Remove the toxins and distractions in your life.
Accept who you are, your flaws and begin a new work within you.
When you feel like giving up, remember the journey you set forth on 
and know that the world will look different to you, 
once you open your eyes up to view it.

A Poem Written for the Domestic Violence Tragedy of the NFL's Kansas City Chief's Linebacker, Jovan Belchr and His Girlfriend

The hands that once caressed my body 
you now fill them with resentment towards me.
The warm nights that were full of laughs and tickles,
is now greeted with yells and pain from your fists.
Nothing I do ever seems good enough for you now,
in the beginning, every little bit counted.
Look at our child, what do you see?
Fear, pain, love, hate, confused, later in life possibly self mutilation, a VICTIM!
What happened to yesterday morning?
You said you'd get some help.
What happened to yesterday late afternoon?
You sent me the most beautiful roses with a note that said,
I'M SORRY & I LOVE YOU, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
What happened to last night after we made love and you held me tight?
You said you would stop drinking and getting so upset with me.
Let me tell you what happened?
IT WAS ALL A LIE!! 
The problem is, I can't tell anyone else that because,
shortly after we made love and you held me tight,
you suddenly became angry again and little did I know,
you had a gun under your pillow.
All of the questions I had for you about yesterday,
will NEVER be answered because now,
TODAY, my family mourns my death and our child  
is now without both of their parents, because not only 
did you take my life, you took yours too.
But again, the hands that once caressed my body
are no longer there because the same hands that were gentle
at one point communicated best with my body in the end
with a gun that laid both of us to eternal rest.
The cries I once had are no longer and hopefully now,
someone can live their life to fullest cause I lost mine.
My life is in Heaven now.




I was reading several articles in regards to this tragedy and I'm not here to blame either parties.  As an advocate and survivor of domestic violence, I am well aware of what all could've and should've been done to help prevent this.  NOT knowing how to see domestic violence warning signs in a potential partner could someday lead to YOUR death.  Not everyone makes it out ALIVE!  The poem I wrote is my overall take on domestic violence and the cycle that victims go through.  This poem was NOT written to give detailed accounts of what happened in this specific murder/suicide.  To me, BOTH of them became victims in the end, and now, their families have been charged by God and society to help all of us BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN OUR COMMUNITIES.

TODAY.......

.......pray that God will open up your spiritual ears to hear a word from Him.  Pray for your spiritual eyes to follow His directions and that your spiritual eyes will give you the vision you need to carry out your dreams today to help someone else.  Finally, pray for words to speak in love, patience, humility and with the love of God and not gossip, backbiting or death towards someone else who seems unloveable.  Your faith be the substance to carry you through today.  Today is a day of NEW mercies and NEW grace.  Take up your cross and lay at the Master's feet in prayer, worship and thanksgiving.  Yesterday is over, today has begun and apart of the legacy you will leave behind, tomorrow!

ENCOURAGEMENT FROM OUR FOUNDER

Fight your enemy with knowledge from on High, the battle is not yours, it belongs to the Lord.  Why stay in a relationship that doesn't support you, encourage you and keep you focused on the will of God in your life?  God never meant for you to live a life of guilt, shame or defeat.  He has a purpose for your life to help the lives of others.  Don't settle for less as cliche as it sounds it is true to the mind, body and soul.  What you see is what fruit you produce and what seeds you will sow.  If you only defeat, then guess what produces? DEFEAT.  If you see the victory already won, then PRAISE GOD IN ADVANCE!!!  The enemy uses the same tricks to keep us out of alignment with God.  That's his job and your job is to do what God's purpose was for creating you.  Have the faith of a small muster seed to carry out your dreams and see God manifest your dreams in the spiritual realm into the natural realm.  Tell storms in your life to be still and get ready for your breakthrough.  There's preparation before the race is to be won and you have to prepare yourself for the victory that's coming in your life.  Loose addictions, strongholds, unhealthy intimate, business relationships and friendships that's standing in your way to getting what all God has for you.  Be blessed in that all you do and do in the lives of others.

THE STORM IS OVER NOW

Ever felt like you were out in a field, alone and scared to make your next steps in life?  I've been there too and I had to recognize that my storms in life were OVER!!!!  What happens when you've prayed for something so long and don't even realize that your prayers have been answered and the storms have moved on out of the atmosphere?  I love this song because it speaks on what you can do to answer all of those questions (no I'm not giving you the answers lol).  Storms may rise in your life but they won't last forever.  Storms come to wash away unclean things in your life and prepare you for when the sun does shine again in your life.  Be grateful for the storms that come pass your life, it's a teaching moment, I promise.  If God told us to have faith the size of a muster seed that will be capable to move mountains, how much of your faith do you have to be still during a storm.  I believe storms are God's way of getting our attention sometimes.  Every time there's a storm, we automatically blame the devil and casting out demons.  In a spiritual perspective, I believe God is saying, "I've tried talking to you but you were too busy".  Or, "Now that I have your undivided attention, you can listen to Me and what I have to say regarding your life".

Yesterday, I read some of my journals I've kept over the years and recalled the moments when the storms in my life were drowning me and when they were just getting me prepared to move into what God had next for my life.  I looked at the small things that I prayed for and how it might have taken awhile to get the prayers answered and I also saw how some of the larger things I prayed for are unveiling now in my life and/or moving towards that direction.  Some storms will last longer than others but you have to be dressed properly, meaning your spiritual armor and filled with the fruits of the spirit, to get through them.    Always remember, storms are preparing you for what's to come and never meant for you stay in it.

Finally, listen to this song and give God praise and worship in advance, and declare it NOW that your storms are over!!!

BEFORE YOU DO!!! (Referencing the book written by Bishop T.D. Jakes]

My favorite book by Bishop T.D. Jakes is titled, Before You Do.  This book is a prelude to all of the most IMPORTANT decision making topics and areas in one's life.  Topics on before you make business decisions, engagement to marital decisions, having children, spiritual decisions, buy a house, divorce, settle for less, etc.  I decided to reread this book for the 50-11th time because I am in gear for a lot of NEW things in my personal and professional life, that I need a refresher on and wanted to share my thoughts, with you.

There are high and low peaks in my life, mostly like others.  Some moments my business is booming but my personal life is suffering or lack there of.  At other times, my personal life soars and my business is suffering seeds being planted so what do I do?  GO BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD AND REFLECT ON THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISIONS I'VE MADE, AND ASK MYSELF WHY DID I MAKE THOSE DECISIONS?  

I love this book because even if you scheme through it to only read the parts that is beneficial to you and your life, you will still walk away and be blessed beyond measures (though I suggest you read the entire book).  I'm often challenging my self to go further than what has been done myself and by others.  For example, we have plenty of domestic violence shelters in this country so I don't work hard as I do to simply open up another one to be like the other shelters.  I work very hard to NEVER have to open up a shelter for victims of domestic violence.  That is my ultimate goal, no more shelters will be needed to be of service because violence against women and their children will END! PERIOD!  Now, I am greatly appreciative of the services that the shelters provide for this population currently. I network with them often and support them in all that I can do in their communities.  ANMF is a foundation to HELP OTHERS, that is a part of our mission that we carry out DAILY.

My favorite part of this book by the Bishop is:

The Art of Fighting
"God gave us the gift of anger and the fuel of adrenaline......You have to fight to walk, to improve, to graduate, to love, to live, to SURVIVE (emphasis mine).  But before you fight, you must think deeply to understand whether the spoils of the war justify the fight.  If yes, stand up to the pain, not just your own but the pain of all those involved, the innocent who may be hurt in the fight, and those against you.  Because, try all you want, if you truly want to escape the hold your enemies have on you, you must understand their pain..... As you think through which fights to engage and which to avoid, realize that some people are not as interested in results as they are in conflict."

I love this in particular as it relates to my current position as a Violence Prevention Specialist  that pours into me being the Founder of ANMF.  Before, I make decisions whether I'm angry and/or happy I TRY MY BEST to process it first and then go through with it.  Some people think that once they pray over something, they'll wait on God to "bless" them with it........ THAT IS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE. It does no good to have faith in God without works, y'all know the scripture.  I've done this many of times and honestly got tired of hearing myself pray and nothing else.

So remember BEFORE YOU DO anything, PRAY, RESEARCH, WORK, BE STILL & LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF GOD & COMMON SENSE, just to name a few things to do.

BREAK THE SILENCE & SPREAD YOUR KNOWLEDGE!