BEHIND THE SURVIVOR

OK here goes....... I am as usual crying over the joys and pains of my life. I never thought highly of myself and at one point in my life, I thought very low of myself. Whenever it seems like the what I want from society at any given moment, God shows up and shows OUT!!!

I often wonder how celebrities feel to have 1,000 upon 1,000 of people that look up to them for strength, image, encouragement, etc. I could only imagine the pressures that weigh their lives down and even some confide in heavy alcohol and drug usage to cope. I am a person that lives the most basic SINGLE life. I've said this plenty of times, I never asked God for this assignment and I thank Him daily that I didn't. You see if I had picked being a domestic violence advocate for victims, survivors and their families, the choice would have been a demise from the start. That's what makes this assignment in my life so worth living to find out more about.

I hear countless of stories from women that lay in their beds at night and cry and pray and even consider thoughts of suicide or premeditating the murder of their spouse or partner. This scene is all to familiar with me. I've done all of the above before. So my sisters that going through the midnight hour now, I say to you.......there is a BREAKTHROUGH come morning. God didn't deliver me overnight and He's still working on my heart soul now as I type this message. Don't ever give up hope or faith in God. He will show you a way out. I'm thankful for the moment that He gave me and confirmed that there is no turning back to my old ways of doing things. Yes I'm watching all of these years pass me by and not be involved with a man to love me. I'm okay with that, I know my worth and know that God is still working on my behalf. I just watched "Mary J. Blige Behind the Music" episode on VH1 and it blew me away. Yes I've heard the stories of her on drugs and the abuse she experienced in her former relationship with another celebrity. What I took away the most, was how she acknowledge the work of God that is still going on in her life once she let the drugs and alcohol go and the "toxic" relationship. Her new love she found in her husband and most importantly, the new love she found in HERSELF. I could only imagine how GREAT MJB feels now and nothing is better than giving back to your community what was given to you.

I've hit rock bottom in plenty of relationships to know now how to never travel those same roads again. People don't always pat me on my back and say, "Job well done". I'm okay with that too. The pat I look forward to is that ONE person that pulls me to the side and say, "After hearing your story, I want to learn more about domestic violence", or "After hearing your story, I want change my life for the better". Those stories touch my heart each and every time I hear it. Those are the stories that keep me motivated to keep doing what I'm doing. I GET TIRED TOO!!! This is not a rant but more of an please try and understand me before you judge me or what I've been through first approach.

Don't think for a moment that I don't want to write and talk about love and the happier things in life and not the tear dropping and painful memories of domestic violence. But episodes like MJB's Behind the Music makes platforms for women like me to introduce to society behind the survivor stories. MJB survived drugs, alcohol, lost of intimate love, father and daughter love and she is a walking testimony to women and young girls who feel powerless and like they will never amount to anything. The smile that viewers saw on her face was intimate and you felt like you knew her personally as if she was your neighbor, sister, aunt or family friend and that's the kind of legacy I want to leave behind and leave in the atmosphere here on Earth.

A New Me Foundation was created for those that feel speechless, the down at heart and those that have lost their purpose in life. My foundation helps create new lives for victims, survivors and their families. That last component really touches my spirit because sometimes it's helping the family members and friends understand what's going on in that victim or survivor's life, to help break the silence. That last component teaches forgiveness and that is the first step to healing.

Pray for me and with me that more people would stand up and break the silence of domestic violence!!!!!

MY SUCCESS LADDER

"Sometimes the teacher needs to be taught"...... I often tell others that about me. There is pressure being me, as a black woman, mother and entrepreneur. I am a woman with flaws like everyone else. I don't stand before or sit behind a desk as a woman that has it all together. I reach towards my personal dreams and goals DAILY. Some days are easier than others but I pressed through each day as if it's my last time to get things done.

The success ladder for me is growing taller and taller and the height is ONE huge milestone for me to climb. I eat, sleep and breathe for A New Me Foundation. I have others that support my foundation unconditionally, but it gets hard for me sometimes and sometimes I need someone to "teach" me or encourage me along the way. I'm a firm believer that to whom much is given, much is required!

Divine connections play a major role in how I network and gain opportunities for my foundation. I don't wait on the universe to drop off a miracle, I go out in the world personally and grab it! My sister in Christ, Donna Brown Jackson told me that, "the universe will say no to you, but at some point, it has to say YES!" That has stuck deep in the veins that flow through my body when I want to give up (and there are plenty of times that I want to throw in the towel......remember I'm human).

I make a lot of sacrifices to get things done that people will never know or even care about (and that's ok with me too). What you see on the surface has taken a lot of time and behind the scenes preparations. I get anxious, doubt and even fearful to step outside of the box to fulfill the goals of A New Me Foundation (ANMF). As the famous evangelist, Joyce Meyer said about herself, I follow the mantra that: I do EVERYTHING afraid! I'd rather be afraid for a little while while fulfilling my purpose than to be fearful and NEVER reach my maximum potentials and always have to ask myself, those "What if's" questions (check previous blog).

Whether you are a victim or survivor of domestic violence, cancer, rape, homelessness, etc. get out and start climbing YOUR success ladder and you'd be surprised that by telling your testimony, what height you will gain and the height that others will gain in their lives in the process.

I wish I could say I went to school and studied public speaking, writing and something in the social work field. Dear readers, I did NOT. My major is Criminal Justice and I plan to pursue a law degree at some point in my life to help advocate for victims and survivors in our judicial system. I say that to say, God QUALIFIES the QUALIFIED! He'll give you exactly what you need to get to where you need to be. I am NOT saying that you will NOT need higher education or training of some sort to pursue your dreams. Even the richest athletes and music artists have had some type of training in regards to dealing with the public, accounting, etc.

Lastly, know that everyone is not gonna like or agree with your success ladder and please, I beg you, be OK with that. Those that don't like or agree with what God has for you is entitled to their own beliefs and never argue or question that. Smile and keep it moving. You have a future to plan, you don't have time or energy to waste on the naysayers.

S-U-C-C-E-S-S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep saying that word as you help our foundation and others BREAK THE SILENCE of domestic violence in our society.

SUPPORT OTHERS IN NEED

"WHAT IF........?"

What if things don't happen......

What if I make a mistake...........

What if I'm not accepted..............

What if........

What if my dreams of happiness doesn't come true.............

What if God has not forgiven me..............

What if I can't forgive myself.........

What if instead of the best, the worst happens...............

What if God doesn't answer this prayer........

What if.......

What if.........

What if the answers to those questions or doubts were answered in your favor?

What if that difficult situation that you've prayed for, actually changed for the better?

What if you trust God wholeheartedly and receive the blessings that have been bestowed upon you?

What if......

What if.........

Some of these questions you may ask yourself or pray about often. Let's work together to stop asking those "What if...." questions and feel confident in our discernment's from God and acknowledge His presence in our lives. This week has been an amazing revelation for me. God almost ALWAYS present new and unheard of levels for me to extend my faith and obey His will. I don't always obey His will right away. I ask all of those "What if...." questions that I listed above. You'll be amazed when the moment comes of all of those doubts and peace passes the horizon instead of the chaos that you expected with asking, "What if....." I am the hardest person on myself. My "what if...." usually doesn't even cross people's mind but I spend so much unnecessary time considering other people's thoughts and opinions. If this sounds like you, I feel you!!!! This message today is my "preaching to the choir moment." Meaning that I'm not encouraging you to implement anything in your life that is not applicable in my own life.

What if .......you take back what the devil stole from you?

Now that's a what if, that I can deal with! My life is constantly changing as sure as I am of yours to. But when we take out those negative "what if....." and change them to believing in the impossible and standing on the word of God, "what if...." will exist no more!

My brothers and sisters, stay prayerful and ask God to allow you to only see Him in the situation and know that He is omnipresent and committed to your life and will carry you over into the valleys of His peace and comfort.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27 NIV)

"WOMAN, THOU ART LOOSED"

Peeked into my soul today and established the meaning of empowerment. Women, rise higher when invited to the occasions of neglect, guilt, shame, depression, fear, disrespect and illnesses that persecute your mind, body and soul.

Look in the mirror and announce how beautiful you are. Design a blueprint of your destiny and let no one make unnecessary alterations.

Disregard your past and celebrate that which is to come. Open up your heart to receive love. Cast out all fears and doubts. Throw away the memories of what used to be and dream about the endless possibilities awaiting your arrival.

I'm NOT perfect and neither are you!

There will be mistakes and mishaps along the roads in life. As women, I charge you to help uplift your sisters, in the midst of setbacks. The magazines, reality shows and other media tools tear us apart enough, with images of defeat and chaos that our youth are copying.

Women, give yourselves room to grow. Don't rush - patience. She rewards lives that cherish her. Open up your hearts change and step outside of the box with a radical praise.

Women, cover me with prayers against the enemies attacks. Before you rupture my personality, take a chance to get to know the individual that God created in a secret place.

This message came from my heart to yours. I am a woman that loves hard and people don't know why I am so strong now. I keep hearing God say to me today, that He had to strip me of my impurities, in order to rebuild my heart to face the challenges in this world. The road trip that I've encountered so far into my new beginning has been met with many of changes. Although my life is no where near complete, I want to thank those that have encouraged and uplifted me.

I struggle in life as a woman and mother with similarities as my peers. With your words of encouragement peace has soaked my soul. It gives me strength to help other women overcome their setbacks and seek to love life again.

I'll leave you with this:

"And He was teaching in the synagogues on the Sabbath. And, behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself. And when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity. And He laid His hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God."

Luke 13:10-13 KJV

BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW FOR THE RELATIONSHIP FORUM ON 10/27/11

A New Me Foundation & F.A.C.E.I.T.

Presents a.........

RELATIONSHIP FORUM

October 27, 2011

The Music Station

1808 West 103rd Street

Chicago, IL 60643

8PM-11PM

Special guest comedian & moderator Rashida "Buff Bay" Lucas

Food, cocktails and raffle prizes

$15 (general admission); $25 (entry & food); $35 V.I.P. (entry, food & unlimited drinks)

also.......

There will be an auction to win a date with hot single people

If you are interested in participating or have any questions please contact Felicia Simpson at 773-540-6705 or anewmf@gmail.com

http://anewmerelationshipforum.eventbrite.com/

MY TESTIMONY: THE VEIL HAS BEEN LIFTED

I thought about writing a blog that reveals my uncut testimony. Some people will never come out to hear me speak, but will read my blog and gain insight and knowledge from my personal testimony as a survivor of domestic violence. When God's name be lifted up, all men will draw unto Him! Let's see how this goes....I pray that God will use me in a mighty way to reveal to "man", my past and not be ashamed of who I am but to continue to encourage me to help others. Some people will allow my story to take root in their souls and others will use it to speak evil within amongst others, for the latter, I ask of Your forgiveness now......

I never really had an adult and meaningful relationship. I had the typical boyfriends in high school and we all know college boyfriends are pretty much none existent. So the summer I came home from Grambling State University, I engaged in the activities such as hanging out in my neighborhood with my friends. Out of spite for someone else, I began engaging in flirting conversations with a guy. I knew of this guy mainly in my childhood but never actually spoke words to or held a full conversation with. Anybody that knows me I'm a magnet towards the mysterious male gender. I am typically attracted to men that, until I meet them, no one pays them any attention. I find the littlest thing that ignites my fire to want to get to know them. For this guy bought something new to the table: a challenge. You see most guys I said I wanted I usually got with no chaser, and boom we were in a relationship. Not this man. From the moment we spoke, the chase began. For weeks on end, he would allow me into his life piece by piece. I had already had two small children by my "first love", who told me that no man was gonna want me now that I had two small children. For awhile, I held onto to that theory of his. This man I met, not only took me in, but encourage me to bring my children with me at all times whenever we hung out......STOP THE PRESSES!!! I know what you are thinking, "What man does that?" I tell you, this man did.....

As time went on the love between us grew and the isolation from my family and friends grew as well. There were no longer days that I hung out with my girlfriends, went out to a lounge or club. Every time I had was spent with him. Of course I felt like this must be love. We spend so much time together and actually get along. Until one night I we got into an argument and in his anger, he threw a Corona bottle at the wall but instead, the bottle hit me in the nose. It broke my nose and thus began the lies to cover over more "incidents". I told my family, friends and co-workers that we had gone paint-balling and I got hit in the nose. The ENT clinic better known as the Ears, Nose and Throat department at the University of Chicago Hospitals, knew better. The doctor carefully wrapped my nose up and prescribed meds for me and sent me on my way. There were a multitude of other "incidents" like that where I had black eyes and bruises and had to stay in the house to hide what was going on. To keep him looking like the good guy and to keep people out of our business. So many nights I cried on the floors of our apartments...yes of course we moved in together..... and so many pages I filled up with thoughts of suicide, ways to kill him, depression, anxiety attacks, crying at the altar every Sunday that my bruises allowed me to put make up on them and attend Sunday morning worship service. You see anywhere BUT my house was a safe haven. I was blamed for everything, disregarded as a woman because of my many sexual encounters in my past. My name was no longer Felicia, it was "bitch", "slut" and "hoe". I began to believe that the person I used to be was long gone. There were so many people praying for me and helping me escape and each time I escaped, I WENT BACK. I used to hide a "travel kit" outside in the backyard for whenever things got too heated at home and I needed to run away real quick. Inside of this Walmart plastic bag or my "travel kit", were the following items: a toothbrush, soap, deodorant, face towel, and bag with a few coins in it to use a pay phone. As Erykah Badu mentioned, you have to "pack light". There were plenty of times I left the house to walk barefoot in the middle of the night with my kids and had just enough money in my pockets to ride the bus or catch a cab to my parents house. I tell you this in rememberance of what I went through so that NO ONE else would.

People always ask me: "What made you finally leave?" Answer: I woke up with a black eye and looked in the mirror and said to myself, "This isn't me, this isn't the way I was brought up to be." With the clothes I had on my back, I ran out of the house. Thank God my children were already at my parents house. I called my mentor, stayed with her for a week and my family relocated me to live with relatives that I barely knew in Milwaukee, WI. Oh but this story doesn't end here........

Let's just say I didn't stay in Milwaukee too long. I came back tried several attempts to fix our marriage through counseling and much needed prayer. If you know anything about domestic violence, there's a cycle of abuse that happens: the tension building, the explosion and the honeymoon phase. Well people the honeymoon was over once I officially moved back to Chicago. On February 13, 2009, at 2:00 AM, my husband came home drunk and choked me after I hit him to get him out of my face. My father heard us in the basement and came to "break it up". I ran upstairs and called 911. My father kept encouraging him to leave the house and go cool off but I had already said to him after my last black eye, that if he ever put his hands on me, I don't care how small of a push it is.......I'm gone!!!!

That night ladies and gentlemen was the final straw. The cops came and arrested him. He had other issues that he was dealing with that kept him locked up for the past years. I told a few members at my church what was going on and they covered me and opened up the power of PRAYER into my life. You see that had helped me escape plenty of times, before and all I did was go back. I wanted to volunteer at a domestic violence shelter for women and their children, but first you had to go through a 40 hour training. Through that training, I was delivered from my marriage. That was the counseling and encouragement that helped me start my divorce process.

On May 5, 2010 my divorce was finalized and I was free to began "A NEW ME." I began doing that things and going places that I had always wanted to but couldn't. I accepted my past failures and began a journey towards a new one. Squashed old beefs with people from my past and started my life completely over.

TODAY I stand proud of my journey that I've been through and through writing my self published books and blogs, continuing my education, establishing a website, countless interviews, motivational speaking engagements and workshops done on domestic violence and healthy relationships. Through all of that, A NEW ME FOUNDATION was birthed this year May 2011 and God has blessed my footsteps ever since.

I've never written a blog this long before, but TODAY God whispered to me to tell my story for someone who needed to "read" it. Again I pray that this testimony has uplifted your life in some way it is NEVER intended to "bash" my ex-husband or to throw a pitty party for myself. This was for God's glory NOT mine.

Be blessed and continue to help me and A New Me Foundation, break the silence of domestic violence!