BEDTIME
Jason is failing in school. The 10 year old is very intelligent, and has a brilliant imagination, but he cannot focus or stay awake in class. His parents both are confused as to what caused his decline. He comes from a loving two parent home, he does his homework, the family goes to Church. What is causing this sudden change in behavior?
Jason’s bedroom is under the bedroom in the apartment upstairs, where his new neighbors have moved in. The new neighbors both smile and wave whenever they see him in the hallway or the parking lot. They look so happy, but Jason knows they are not. Jason hears the lady yell and curse at her husband, calling him stupid and trifling. Jason hears the man yell at his wife, telling her that she will never be anything, and that she is an ugly whore. They argue about money, about their kids, about the weather, about clothes, about EVERYTHING! Jason hears the bedroom furniture slam against the wall as they scream at each other. Jason hears this every night.
When he finally told his parents, they asked him did he ever hear the man hit the woman. “No.” “Well then,” his father said, patting his son on the back, “they are not abusing each other. They are just having little arguments. Now, don’t worry about them, and let’s get back to improving your grades in school.”
Jason knew that this was not a little argument. He knew that it was mean and hurtful to talk to someone like that. He told his school counselor, Miss Gwen, why he was sleeping in class, and she told him about emotional abuse. He told Miss Gwen that they were not abusing each other, because he never heard them hit each other. Miss Gwen explained that emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from constant criticisms and verbal attacks, to repeated disapproval or refusing to be pleased. Emotional abuse is like brain washing, it chips away at the victims self esteem, their self worth, it makes them feel bad about themselves; like they’ve done something wrong or bad to cause this treatment.
Miss Gwen told him that men and women can both be emotional abusers, and that it happens in all types of relationships- romantic like his neighbors, friendships, family, and in classrooms. Sometimes abusers constantly yell at the other person, they degrade and criticize them, they ignore the other person’s feelings, they have unpredictable mood swings, and they purposely humiliate their partner in public.
Jason heard his neighbors arguing, and it kept him up at night, because it made him wonder. They argued about their kids, did he make his parents argue about him? Did they hit each other? Did they hate each other? It made him feel sad to hear such mean words being said, such ugly phrases being yelled constantly. It made him anxious when it was bedtime, because he was afraid to get comfortable, because he knew the fighting was coming. It made him afraid of relationships.
Jason told Miss Gwen that he wanted to teach his parents about emotional abuse. Miss Gwen gave him a packet of information about domestic violence, and she encouraged him to read over it with his parents. In class, Jason told his teacher that he wanted to teach the other students about domestic violence. She told him that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and that he could create a presentation to inform his classmates. Jason shared his new knowledge with his parents, his classmates, and he even wrote his neighbors a letter. Soon after, their fighting stopped, and Jason could sleep in peace.
