DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & THE WORKPLACE

Today on the Facebook page of A New Me Foundation, the "Topic of the Day" was about how we can help prevent violence to victims of domestic violence in the workplace. I provided several links to help get a better understanding for both the employee and the employer.

I've heard so many victims (mainly women) of domestic violence that talk about how their abuser stalks them at work or calls them a 1,000 times a day at their workplace, causing policy conflicts with their employer.

Know a situation like this? Let's look closer:

You have a co-worker that is always anxious whenever the telephone rings, this is the fifth call she's received in 30 minutes. She answers the call and shortly afterward, she retreats to the restroom in hopes that no one else is aware of her sudden fear or tears. To the staff, maybe "Jennifer" just urgently had to use the restroom. Nothings wrong with that right? What the staff doesn't know is the telephone conversation that Jennifer just had, was her abusive partner threatening to come up to the workplace and embarrass her if she doesn't come home soon. Jennifer rushes to the restroom because (1) she's afraid and crying, (2) she's been taking prescription pills that her doctor gave her to help calm her anxiety attacks, so she pops a few in her mouth now, (3) she's thinking of an excuse to leave work now before he shows up. She comes up with a way to convince her boss that she is suddenly feeling sick and needs to go home. Before her boss can give her an answer, her partner has come up to her workplace and began loud talking and using profanity to her co-workers. Demanding that someone tells him where Jennifer is. Jennifer is in her boss office stiff and facial expressions are nonchalant, thanks to those pills. The boss is tired of this scene carrying out and decided to terminate Jennifer and asks her to immediately leave the premises ......

Stories like this play out often at the workplace of a victim of domestic violence. As a community, we need to find out more resources and ways to help this victim and help prevent another "incident report" documentation filed at the workplace.

Here is a link to help start a discussion about ways to help start education, policies and procedures for the employee and employer of domestic violence in the workplace:

http://domesticviolenceworkplace.blogspot.com/2009/05/six-steps-for-creating-domestic.html

Remember together, we can help break the silence of domestic violence in our communities.

BLACK GIRLS ROCK!!!!!

Lately, everywhere I turn, I'm seeing or hearing this phrase:

BLACK GIRLS ROCK!

As a black woman, I would discredit my sistahs if I did not proudly recite this phrase. I've watched the BET airing of their execution of the phrase. I have to admit, the different sizes, colors and confidence that over filled the place of BLACK women did in fact, ROCK! A room full of proud sistahs who come from a lineage of defeat, despair, rape, humiliation and oppressions that in turn resulted to depressions. No this is NOT a pity party for black women.

This blog is to show my gratitude, remember and recognize the black women that work hard in our communities to raise our children, defend our black men in the courtrooms, provide medical services to us and our children, care for our elders, risk their lives on the blocks of Chicago, patrolling the streets. The black women that pour us our cup of coffee or tea that helps start our day at the local cafe. Or what about that black woman that wakes up earlier in the mornings to help volunteer at our children schools to make sure they cross the streets safely, in our absence.

BLACK WOMEN ROCK!!!!

You can't tell me that a mother who stays up all night long with an ailing child and still arrives on time for work, with supernatural strength to carry out the tasks of the day, isn't phenomenal.

If no one else tells you my sistah YOU ROCK!!!

People say I'm a borderline feminist........ I say, call me whatever that defines the human rights for women of all colors! Young or old, I'm proud to scream past the mountaintops that BLACK GIRLS ROCK!!

Something about that phrase ignites my soul and reminds me of the African American tour I experienced, way down in the south of Memphis, TN. We saw on this tour how black mothers made quilts with secret codes to help guide the black men in slavery to FREEDOM, because like them, our black men couldn't read. Black women, hid in tunnels for weeks and days with their husbands and children in tote, just to keep their families together and to escape the rules and sexual violence on the Master's plantation.

BLACK GIRLS ROCK!!!!

Fast forward to today's time when the melodious voices of Jill Scott, Monica, Ledisi, Kelly Price, Marsha Ambrosius, Fantasia and many others paid homage to our past and introduced new meanings of the beauty and strength of black girls and women, today.

Be proud of who you are

Recite to yourself...... BLACK GIRLS ROCK!!!!

1 out of 4 black women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. The more we empower each other, this fact can be extracted, permanently from our statistics.

Continue to embrace who you are as an African American woman or girl (youth) and know that when the world says differently, tell them:

BLACK GIRLS ROCK!!!

I have provided you with a soulful performance clip from the Black Girls Rock that aired on BET below:

PHENOMENAL WOMAN BY MAYA ANGELOU

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
—Maya Angelou

REDISCOVERY

My eyes are stained because of the fear to release

Releasing the woes of the things that I couldn't salvage

Rediscovering the things that matter the most to me in this life

The strength that carries out confidence is supernatural

A gradation of colors fill this new life for me

Pastures of love lies further than you could ever "ask for, think or imagine"

Rediscovery is a performance that allows YOU to set the stage

Who plays your leading role?

Of course, YOU are the star of the show

No one can play that part better than YOU

The beauty from your ashes that God has given you, speaks louder than words could

When life hurts -------- rediscover yourself

That's when you'll find your innermost being and set on a sail to certainty

Speak life into your rediscovery and see what God has just for YOU

I rediscovered me, so now is the time for you to rediscover YOU!!!!!

This poem is dedicated to the survivors of domestic violence in our communities.

NIYA'S STORY

Where do I begin ....As a child I watched my mother be abused by my stepfather occasionally. There were good times & very bad times. I suppose because of this I thought that this is what all relationships were like. At the age of 15 I lost my virginity to my child's father soon after I was pregnant and such a disappointment to my entire family I dropped out of high school in my junior year.16 & pregnant....huh they now have a show called just that! The abuse began, the first time he hit me I was a few weeks into my pregnancy. He smacked me & I was so hurt,confused,unstable. I wanted to kill myself & the unborn child. First I thought about jumping from my attic window but I didn't instead I took about 8 or 9 pills I don't remember what kind they were I layed down & expected to die but God had a purpose for my life he made each and ever pill I took come back out of my body. This was the beginning of a terrible relationship. He would beat me anytime for anything throughout my pregnancy I was punched in my eyes kicked in my stomach and constantly verbally abused. All this because he was sleeping with other women. He would come & cry & say he was sorry showering my with expensive gifts,flowers u name it. He would even use my family to get me back and like a fool I went back every time. By now my eyes had been blacked so many times I lost count. I would fix my hair pulling it over my eyes or use makeup or sunglasses to hide my bruises from everyone. I had started to fight back but that would only get me hit harder! Our child was now 2 and I wanted out . I tried to hide but he would always find me , he would stalk me and anyone with me most of my friends didn't want to hang around me because of him they were scared. I enrolled back in high school but that was short lived because he would follow me and taunt me to and from school everyday until I could no longer take it . Finally I asked God from deep within my soul to take away ALL feelings I had for this person and as always he delivered I can't explain it but I no longer had the desire to even see this person. It was over just like that he continued to stalk me but I kept my faith the last thing that I almost did was kill him. He put his hands on me after several months of us being apart I snapped grabing a gun and almost blowing his brains out thoughts of my daughters life flashed before my eyes with a mother in jail and a father dead at the hands of her mother. I quickly realized this was not the answer I hit him with the handel of the gun splitting his head I ran not knowing what I had done and found out later that he had to get 8 stiches. I had become him violent and careless so I had to find myself. I went back to school and got my high school diploma,relocated and pursued my dreams of becoming a cosmetologist. He never touched me again and he finally let me go. I am now a happy women who knows that No one deserves to be abused! If you are in a abusive relationship GET OUT NOW .....he will never change and you and your children deserve better please stop the cycle ......you are not alone!

Niya Thomas

If your story is similar to Niya's, please share your story and help us BREAK THE SILENCE of domestic violence in our communities.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AMONGST LGBTQ YOUTH

Not a trending topic but yes, domestic violence does exist in the LGBTQ youth community.

LBGTQ ..... Lesbian....Gay....Bisexual....Transgender......Queer/Questioning

People tend to shy away from this community, to me it's because of fear: a fear to understand, a fear to possibly relate to their sexuality or a fear of what the saints may have to say.

I was taught to LOVE all mankind no matter what their sexual preference is. Domestic violence is not limited to heterosexuals. In fact, the LGBTQ community suffers at the same or even higher rates as heterosexual domestic violence victims, their rates are not always reported.

Scenario #1

Think about a teen trying to identify him or herself sexually and the environment that this youth is in, is unstable, dangerous or threatened daily by family members or their peers to have their sexual identities disclosed. Let's say this teen leaves that environment and winds up in a relationship with someone who knows and uses their situation as an advantage to control that teen. Friends, that person is the batterer from here on out in this blog and the teen is now the victim. So now you have this victim and this batterer possibly living together and the control mechanisms of domestic violence is present through emotional, physical, verbal or financial abuse. Remember, this is a teen (victim) with possible low or no income and the batterer is someone who is financial fit to house the victim.

Still not convinced that domestic violence exists in the LGBTQ community?

Scenario #2

A teen is not happy in her current living arrangements and mom works two jobs and is barely making ends meet for her and her siblings. The teen meets someone older of the same sex at a bar that she used a fake I.D. card to get in and they began a friendship. Friendship is growing into an emotional and intimate involvement. Time goes by, and the couple move in together. The teen that was unhappy with her living arrangements,, drops out of school and now is unhappy in her relationship but decides to stay due to living in a better house and neighborhood. She has suffered from emotional and verbal abuse from her partner and is now using drugs and has become suicidal.

Scenarios like these unfortunately are common in our LGBTQ community and our society is blinded to ways to triage and prevent domestic violence in all of our communities. Let's work together to break the silence and end all violence against our youth.

To find out ways to get help in your community, log onto the National Domestic Violence Hotline website http://www.thehotline.org/

Here is a website that provides several resources as well for LGBTQ Youth http://www.bonusround.com/gayyouth/

LGBTQ Crisis Hotline at the Center on Halsted Anti-Violence Project

(773) 871-2273

Anne M. Huffman

GLBT/Hate Crime Specialist

State's Attorney of Cook County, IL

Domestic Violence Court House

555 West Harrison

Chicago, IL 60607

(312) 325-9254

ahuffman@cookcountygov.com

A Poem by Nicole Lofton

Love is not a game neither is it your name. I will not allow you to use me, abuse me or call me out my name. I will not allow you to take everything away from me and put me to shame. I will not let you destroy me and tell me im to blame. I refuse to listen to your lies that are so sharp they cut deep into my heart. I refuse to lay with you knowing that i have no reason too. Emotionless because not only am i clueless to who or what you are but i am clueless to who i am. I have lost myself under the circumstance. Now its time to rise up i have taken all i can. Its time to rise up i have done all that i can. Its time to rise up i am taking a stand. No longer will i try to turn a boy into a man. No longer will i let your hands determine my plan. No longer will i allow you to keep me in sorrow. I thank GOD that HE has allowed me to see tomorrow because is not promised to you or I and that is the main reason why i have to say goodbye. No more silence my body is screaming to loudly to hold it all inside. Stop domestic violence, hear our silent cries.