At A New Me Foundation, Inc., we are so thankful for the beautiful "Crystal Iris" spirit and how she jumped on board to share her testimonies as a survivor of domestic violence and rape, in hopes to help others. We encourage our readers to break their silence and heal from reading the testimonies of hers. Be mindful it is not an easy journey to recall traumatic situations from our past, but we are thankful to SURVIVORS like "Crystal Iris" who share with us the most intimate parts of her past. God bless you as you read this interview and please feel free to share it with others. Given the sensitivity and nature of the topics disclosed in this interview, if you would like to post or share your testimony privately, please email me (Felicia T. Simpson) at anewmef@gmail.com for further discussion and resources towards healing.
Domestic Violence Interview Questions:
1.)
Briefly give us some background information on who Crystal is.
Hmmmm...I am the oldest of 3 children, raised in a two
parent home. I graduated from National-Louis University in 2011. I’ve
experienced a bunch of difficult life challenges at a young age such as
domestic violence, rape, molestation and bad relationships that could have
ruined me. Thankfully, I am now a life coach, motivational speaker, founder of
Hey G.U.R.A.L and a few months away from completing my MBA degree from
Concordia University. I love spending time with family and friends. I love
traveling and anything that gives me an adrenaline rush! I live life with
excitement and positivity to the best of my ability.
2.)
Describe for us what you went through as a victim of domestic violence at a
young age of 17 up until your last domestic violence relationship at the age of
22.
17 I was so in love with a guy I had been friends with since
sophomore year of high school. It was my first time in the dating ring and
everything was perfect for about a year. It became bad when I was getting ready
to go away for college. I was being isolated from family and friends by making
me feel guilty for wanting to be with them. I couldn’t have male friends that
he didn’t know. He would bite, grab my mouth, pinch, just silly things to make
me angry or start arguments to frustrate me, questioned me about social media
friends, call family members when I didn’t answer the phone. We eventually
broke up and got back together about a year and a half later to two years when
I left school and went back home. The second time we dated was worst than the
first time we dated. We constantly argued, the leg hits, bites and pinches
became worst. The turning point was a public altercation in my school’s parking
lot because he accused me of cheating. I ended up with bruises and scratches on
my arms and around my face because he grabbed me so hard when I tried to get
away to go to class.
At the age of 22 I was in a relationship with a guy who was
at this point the best boyfriend I had. He was great for the majority of the
time but he was very emotional. He would go from being extremely sad and
throwing tantrums, all types of emotional fits for little issues. At this point
I was pretty tough emotionally, having gone through several emotionally trying
relationships so I had a lot of patience with him because I thought maybe I
wasn’t sensitive enough (lol). One day he had made such a big deal out of
nothing that I became irritated. He wanted me to tell him how I felt about him,
but I couldn’t give him the “correct” answer according to him because I was
already irritated so I had just stopped talking about it and pretty much
ignoring him because the conversation was going no where. I asked for him to
take me home. He wanted me to repeat myself, and as I attempted to repeat
myself he slapped me. I couldn’t believe it because he was so soft. I didn’t
see him ever doing that to me. I was so shocked I couldn’t do anything but get
out of the car and walk home as fast as I could with him following behind me. I
just had to get home because I knew if I had touched him, my rage would have
taken over. (View the full 3 Part Story at www.heyGURALonline.com/blog)
3.) Being
a survivor of domestic violence, tell our viewers some warning signs if any, that
you saw in the beginning of those relationships.
Some of the warning signs were isolation from family and
friends by making me feel guilty about spending time with them and not enough
time with him. Control, keeping tabs of the money I spent, jealousy, wanting
access to all social media outlets, searching through cell phone, questioning
my friends (especially male friends), down-playing my career goals, being
manipulative, play fighting, pinching in places that hurt and telling me that
it doesn’t hurt, emotional fits, throwing tantrums, sad and angry, just way too
emotional.
4.) Do you
feel that teen and young adult dating violence is not serious to the youth in
today's society? Why or why not?
It is serious to the population of young adults who are educated
about dating violence. Those who are not educated about dating violence, or
those who have witnessed dating violence in the home do not have a sense of
caution in their relationships because they are confused about what love is.
*Every 2
minutes, someone in the US is sexually assaulted
* 1 in 4
girls will be sexually assaulted by the age of 18
* 1 in 6
women have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime
*Sexual
assault is one of the most under reported crimes in, with 60% still being left
unreported
* National
Sexual Assault Hotline is (800) 656- 4673 they provide resources for rape, abuse and incest
cases.
Sexual
Assault/Rape Interview Questions:
1.) At the
age of 19, tell us what happened the night you were raped.
I went to my former university to visit my friends and
boyfriend at the time for a campus party. We were at my boyfriend’s house
pre-gaming before the start of the party. I do not remember drinking that much
because I was a new drinker but whatever the case was we left and went over to
the campus party. By the time we got there I was so intoxicated that I could
barely walk. I found a corner to sit in until my friends found me. We left, I
remember us going to McDonald’s drive-thru because they thought if I ate I would
feel better, but that didn’t work. We made it back to the house where we
pre-gamed (because my boyfriend lived there) and I couldn’t hold the burger
they bought. I was extremely weak, emotional, I could barely see. I remember my
friends and boyfriend carrying me down to his room so that I could lay down. I
remember puking and him hitting me upside my head because of it. That’s all I
remember until I woke up with him anally raping me. I tried screaming, but the
music was loud, I remember trying to fight but I was too weak. Then he forced
me to do other “favors” he would ask about but always declined...he completely
took advantage of the opportunity. The next morning he said, “You did it” and
all I could say was, “Does that mean I ate shit?” I put my clothes on, went to
say bye to my friends and drove home as if nothing happened.
2.) Have
you forgiven him? Why or why not?
You know what? I thought I forgave him, but No I do not
forgive him and I don’t think that’s my responsibility to do so. Am I bitter?
Not at all and in all honesty I wish him no harm and I pray that God forgives
him and has mercy on him. Every time I’m in a familiar situation I have a
trigger that causes a reaction. I cannot be in secluded areas, I hate to feel
trapped, I don’t like parties with a bunch of people who I do not know because
I become paranoid. I don’t sleep very well at night and when I speak about it I
get pissed off all over again. No, I do not forgive him. The way that I found
enough peace from the situation to move forward and not be bitter was to
forgive myself. I had to forgive myself for ever thinking it was my fault that
I was assaulted and forgive myself for “loving” him so much that I forgot what
love for self was.
3.) At
that time, did you ever think it was your fault?
Yes, I did. For years I thought it was my fault and that was
the reason I said nothing about it until years later.
4.) What
was your emotional support system like?
Secretly, my mother’s voice was the only emotional support I
had. I suffered in silence so no one knew about the violation but me for a long
while. I was home for the semester and although she didn’t know what was going
on she comforted me. Also, being back in the home environment and keeping my
vision of success in the forefront of my mind is what kept me sane and focused
on becoming more than a victim, a survivor.
5.) Today,
what could you tell someone who has been raped by a lover, friend or stranger
to help them heal from the past just as you did?
I don’t consider myself healed yet, but I am healing. That
is something that I am working towards but I don’t think we could ever fully
heal from a situation because our story is something that stays with us. Life
experiences give us record keeping lessons to carry with us throughout our lives
to prevent situations from happening again, to us and others as well. If I
could give any advice to someone in the same situation it would be to know that
your story is not your own. We have to keep living because we were meant to
live! Speak LIFE into your life, stay positive and know that there is better
coming. God doesn’t make any mistakes. Use the experience as a lesson because
there is a purpose to everything. We may not know the purpose or understand
such a horrible act, but soon enough it will be revealed and that experience
will simply be a story for you to share and to use to help support someone else
in the same situation. I encourage to seek a support system, know that it was
never your fault and don’t be afraid to speak out about it. I believe that
speaking out is what helps me accept the circumstance because it gives a
platform for others to feel comfortable with speaking to me about their
situations. It really comes down to supporting each other.
6.) How as
a community, can we break the silence of domestic violence, rape, sexual
assaults and incest?
As a community we need to educate, collaborate and initiate.
There is so much of this going on and so many who are suffering in silence that
we have to come together in big numbers to make a difference. We can start
campaigns, go out and speak to the youth and adults about the issue and make a
difference that way but we have to make a BIG impact so it will take
collaborations of different organizations.
7.) Please
give our readers ways to get in contact with Crystal Iris and Hey G.U.R.A.L.
For Hey GURAL you can reach me personally by phone at
708-928-9890, you can email Hey GURAL at heyguralz@aol.com, visit our website www.heyGURALonline.com,
Like the Facebook Pages Hey G.U.R.A.L NMC and Crystal Iris, CPC, Twitter
@HeyGURAL and @Crystalirislife
