SIGNS OF A BATTERING PERSONALITY

Click on the link below and listen to me as I discuss the signs of a potential batterer or an active batterer. Remember to call the toll free domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to seek help in your area if you are a victim of domestic violence. Together, we can BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/felicianewme/2011/04/26/signs-of-a-battering-personality

ATTENDING TO YOUR BABY LOCS

Last night I was up watching a couple YouTube videos on how to re-twist and different hairstyles for "baby locs". For those considering or have begun the process should do a little research on cost effective ways to maintain your locs. Not everyone has the cash to visit a professional to get maintenance weekly or bi-weekly. I am a firm believer of self efficacy and taking the time to learn how to do my hair regardless of what hairstyle I have. I saw several tips:

• Using small clips to hold locs in place after you re-twist each individual loc or group of locs




• Loc gels and solid and liquid (water and oils mixed together) moisturizers are a must have




• Add accessories, add accessories and add accessories (flowers, loc tie, pins, jewelry, etc)




• Wrap your hair nightly in a silk scarf to keep the minerals and oils in your head and not on your pillow




• Use a medicine dropper to distribute oils through your scalp




• Tutorials on how to wash your hair with a stocking cap or panty hose




• Using a cottonball to "wash" your scalp with either Witch Hazel or Sea Breeze

Whatever you need advice on or help in creating unique hairstyles for your locs are available on YouTube. There are even tutorials on how to deal with the "fuzziness" and "buds" that form once the process has begun. I am so guilty of needing a pep talk every once in awhile with the fuzziness. It's a transition that you have to get used to when you're used to having neat, curled and combed hair. Lately I've invested in a bonnet hat that I wear whenever it matches the right outfit and it helps take my mind off the fuzziness I encounter between the re-twisting period.

Next month will mark my three month journey with locs and I will upload a YouTube video as previously promised. I will showcase the products I use and recall the tips and advice I've received thus far.

Below is one of the videos I watched last night and wanted to share with my readers. I picked this video because like myself, this was her 2 month journey with locs and she also said that she hated the fuzziness .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJoYmGKej7E&feature=related

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Technically, last night on Twitter (@felicianewme) I revealed to my Tweeps about my BIG announcement. I feel very humble to announce it again as well:

I am seriously thinking about the taking the first steps to implementing my dreams of starting my own Domestic Violence non-profit organization. I'm so excited and have been embraced by my immediate friends that have ventured out into the non-profit sector. God said in His word, to "write the vision plain on tablets......". My journals, website and blogs are that outlet I use to reveal my deepest feelings and desires to Him, my supporters and to my faithful readers.

I'm so excited about this dream and vow to do whatever it takes to accomplish all that God has for me to do, achieve and receive in this beautiful world. I know so many people will benefit from this vision and souls will be won over to Christ, who strengthens me, even when I don't recognize my own strength.

My goals are:

• To open a shelter in the Chicago land area that house women with male and female children
  
  


• Provide housing an assistance to victims and survivors of domestic violence
  
  


• Start scholarship foundations for African American teens and moms to continue their educational goals
  
  


• Develop creative writing and artistic resources for youth that live in urban areas of Chicago
  
  


• Provide mentoring an parenting programs for teen moms
  
  

Where do I start with this process? GOD, prayer and friends. I know that at least is a great foundation to start with and I am confident that the vision of God, will be carried out! Is it gonna be easy? Of course not! But I embrace growth in myself and those around me. I am asking for your prayers, thoughts, feedback, tips, volunteering and networking opportunities, etc. that will help make a difference in a person's life that suffers from domestic violence, in any capacity. I look forward to continuing in the fight with you to BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

MY FEELINGS UNCUT!!!

I'm thinking of the perfect title for this blog but I can't...... this is just my feelings uncut!

What are the rules of finding true love? When I didn't care about guys for this position, I had a multidude of pickings. Something about the age of 30 and a host of bad experiences that Madea discussed in Tyler Perry's plays, that will make you rethink your selections of finding love. I'll admit, I never dated, I saw who I wanted and that was that. There wasn't room for hanging out, getting to know each other over periods of time and then establishing and building the relationship. So my hesitation now is my feelings of aggressiveness towards men. I don't tolerate the tinyest bit of foolishness, games, mind playing, drama, etc. I feel like I'm honest and upfront from day 1 and I EXPECT the same in return. I look for the invisible stamp on my forehead that says "Please tell her anything". Oddly it never appears at the right moment. So back to the drawing board I go. Most men associate me having kids as a sign of vulnerability and for them to run like hell. I don't argue with that theory because I feel like if a man wants ME...... it's just that, my kids are my kids, not his. A man will ONLY add value to my life not take away from it. I meet men who try to understand wholeheartedly, why I am single? Those are usually the guys that a woman puts in the friend box: cool enough to hang out with but in no way, is that woman physically attracted to him. Then there are the guys that I love to call "The Challenge". This guy, could get it, but there's always a barrier of some kind that messes up any opportunity of a connection between us. Am I the only person that feels this way? I'm sure my male readers could add to this. Some men think that women are too specific and too picky, thus the reason(s) why we as women, are still single. I'm over the whole thoughts of our black men being incarcerated or gay and that's why we can't find decent men out here in the free world. As a survivor of domestic violence for two years, I worked hard to get my life back in order and onto a happier future for myself and my children. I refuse to let anyone detour any parts of my life just to be in a relationship. I hope this blog doesn't come off as me being the angry black woman that doesn't have a man, because that's not my intentions. This blog is to show you that when you take away the author, domestic violence advocate & motivational speaker from me, I too have similar emotions and feelings that women deal with daily with dating and finding love. I'm human. I can't help that. What about when you meet that special guy and he is a ball of fun to be around but yet you still lack that emotional connection? Physical attraction was identified on the first day. How do you interact with this fellow? Do I understand why some women just settle for their snuggle bunny of a man they have, instead of finding out if the grasss is greener on the otherside? Oh and don't get me started on Trey Songz......his songs will make you grab the nearest man to you and the neighbors will know both of ya'll names before the evening is over with. What am I feeding my mind? I ask myself this question often. One minute my mind is full and fed up with the cat and mouse games that men and women play and then cupid shows up and introduces me to a yella bone brother who is exactly "my type" and before/after I laugh twice, the mystery has been revealed and it's on to the next one. Is finding love out dated? Is that just for our parents generation? Do we just settle for the "bussa babies" or the guys with hella "swagger" but nothing else to compliment his personality? Forgive me, these are just my feelings UNCUT!!!

HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE GUIDING PRINCIPLES

1.) Domestic violence is a crime

2.) Domestic violence is about power and control

3.) The perpretrator of the violence is solely responsible for his behavior

4.) Violence is a learned behavior and new behaviors can be learned

5.) While alcohol/drug use is associated with violence, it is not a cause, they are seperate issues and must be addressed as such

6.) Counseling for the victim or marital counseling is not appropiate to address the violence

7.) Perpetrators of domestic violence tend to minimize and deny their use of violence and blame the victim and other outside factors for their violence

8.) Treatment of the abuser involves challenging the beliefs that support and justify the use of violence

9.) Victim safety is the priority along with abuser accountability

10.) Violence is a choice

*Information was collected from the 40-Hour Domestic Violence Training Manual Provided by Connections for Abused Women and their Children (CAWC)*

BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

IT FEELS GOOD TO GET BACK TO MY ROOTS

Well hello there, it seems like it's been ages since I've last spoken to you, my faithful readers. I think with each growth spurts in life, there comes a time to reflect back on your growth process. Take the good things you've learned and use that to motivate you, to climb higher onto your next set of goals. Don't beat yourself up over the things, people and places that didn't work out for you. Learn from those setbacks and move on as well. Where have I been? Funny you asked. I have been enjoying my life and learning from all of the good and bad things that have crept along this journey with me. School, work and children keep me busy and focused at all times. I have been working on new ideas for my BREAK THE SILENCE movement. Preparing myself to take things to the next levels in breaking the silence of domestic violence. My goals are:

* To open a shelter in the Chicagoland area that house women with male and female children

* Provide housing and assistance to victims and survivors of domestic violence

* Start a scholarship foundation for African American teens and adults

* Develop creative writing and artistic resources for youth that live in the urban areas of Chicago

* Provide mentoring and parenting programs for teen moms

So as you can read from this short list of my personal goals, I've been busy preparing for my legacy that I will leave behind one day. I had to regroup and started back, accepting speaking engagement offers and writing again. I had to get back to my roots in order to remember what my goals were and why they are my goals. It says something to me when others remember you and the growth process you've endured. But the revelation comes to me, when others can speak life and positive influences into your future. Remember, I didn't choose this lifestyle voluntarily, I was blessed to have experienced it (domestic violence), learn more about it and share my knowledge with others, daily.

I challenge you today, to get those vision boards, journals or whatever you use to motivate yourself, out of the closets and get back to your roots of existence. Recall whatever made you passionate about your goals. Challenge yourself to step outside of the norms of your community and within your immediate society, and implement those goals of yours by:

*Starting with one step at a time!

*Work with what works and toss out the rest!

*Let no one tell you, "it's impossible"!

*Network, network, network, network with your peers, employees, family, friends and in your community!

I promise you as a witness myself, start somewhere positive and watch your goals not only be birthed before your eyes, but you'll even get to stick around for awhile and watch those same goals, grow.

HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!