ERICA'S STORY

I imagined this would be easy since telling people was never hard. When you start to write out a story you think whose going to read it and what if they don't like it. I mean of course you want it to sound great like a Langston Hughes poem or Harold and the purple crayon. Well here goes nothing! I'm a 28 year old women, wife, mom of seven, daughter ,sister, friend,encourager. I haven't always been able to encourage others let alone trust people enough to share with them. I was born February 6,1983 in Wisconsin. My mother is from Chicago. She ended up in Milwaukee after leaving the man whom I thought was my dad. He was a drug dealer who was wanted for attempt murder. Someone who hated him saw my mom walking in a park and tried to slit her throat instead slit her chin. She was six months pregnant with me. We ended up back in Chicago after I turned two. She dropped me off where ever she could and this is where my memories of abuse kick in. I watched her sell drugs and use them. One day she left me alone with my cousins they wrapped me in a sheet and hung me from the third floor window by an extension cord until their arms grew tired. I begged her not to leave again of course she did. The next time they put me in an oven and turned the stove up to 375. I still have a few burn marks til this day. I remember being there watching the Wiz and one of them dropped the iron on me and said she shouldn't be here anyway. I remember dcfs coming and taking me away yes! I thought finally she'll see and leave this place I was wrong I ended up leaving with my grandma who was nothing short of amazing. With grandma I got to experience everything dance classes, writing classes I went to work with her when she worked for Rolan Burris. Plays like the Nutcracker every year with dinner under the great tree at Field's. I thought everything was going to stay this way. Then at 8 years old my mother came back pregnant it was ok for a while. She had my brother he was the most precious angel I've ever seen. I would run home just to hold him after school. I remember picking him up and she got mad and knocked the breath out of me. It wasn't long before she left again dragging us any where they'd take us in. 13 years old at another cousins house watching Sister Sister I remember my cousin touching my barely there breast and running upstairs to get away from him. He came upstairs locked the door held me down and rubbed his penis across my back and behind while I cried. He told me if I ever tell somebody I'll end up on the tracks. His sisters sat in the kitchen and said I was nasty and I should know better because we cousins. I hated me why me a good girl I get straight A's I never start fights I'm always smiling and doing as I was told. I accepted into Whitney Young, C.h.a.s and Simeon. I chose Simeon my uncle's school. Thought they'd pay attention since I was on the track team and in modern dance with all honors classes. Nope they never came to one single event not even report card pick up. At 16 my grandma lost her house and moved in with my aunt and my mother left with some man we'd see her around with black eyes and busted lips. I use to say her ass is dumb who stays with an abusive man. My brother and I stayed in the foreclosed home waiting on the sheriff to come kick us out. Many nights I didn't eat so he could. I would bring food home from Taurus my second job for him. One day at 17 my aunt and her girl friend came to visit and she asked why was I so skinny and let her see my report card. When she found out I had dropped out so my brother could go she had a fit. Packed us up the next day and we moved to Harvey. I was on the pom pon team got my grades up and finished my junior and senior year in one year. The love there didn't last long. At night they'd get drunk and fight argue about how they raising my mother's kids. They dog us verbally. The girlfriend told her friends that I was a whore and thats probably how I fed myself I wanted to bust her bubble and tell her I went from 135 to 87 wasn't no eating. I kept my mouth shut and every chance I got I'd go back to my old neighborhood to hang with so called friends and see my boyfriend but something wasn't right everybody would say you could've told us your mom wasn't around we would've let you'll stay with us. Yeah right everybody knew my mom was gone even family. After a while nothing seemed real except my love for my brother. After my last visit with my boyfriend I found out I was pregnant I tried to hide it hoped it would go away. When my aunts found out they dogged me and barely spoke to me. One day I was in so much pain I needed to go to the hospital my aunt said she wasn't leaving work and her girlfriend told me she was out in the streets I gotta wait. So I called my uncle and his wife who lived in Naperville they came and took me to the hospital I was in preterm labor luckily they were able to stop it. I packed our stuff and moved with my uncle for six months when they moved to Mississippi I moved with my mom. She had a new house and job finally able to care for my brother who was ten. I got a job because I refused to have public assistance. That's when I met the man who I thought would be my first husband and we'd have everlasting love. Ha! A girl can dream. When we met he was perfect loved my daughter worked and was always a gentleman. My mothers old boyfriend came back and they had a fight so bad she lost some sight in her left eye. I called my uncles to whoop dude. She jumped on me blacked my eye, pulled my hair out, and beat my head against the kitchen sink. I left I stayed with a friend for two days until I could get it together. I got my inheritance from my granddad early so I could afford an apartment and furniture it wasn't much but it helped. The new boyfriend my daughter and I were well until I got pregnant again. He bought me a ring but something wasn't right. Some nights he didn't come home he began to tell me how he didn't want this anymore and I should get an abortion or give my baby up for adoption. My second daughter came four weeks early. He sat at the hospital called the adoption people in to talk to me and I told him and the lady to go to hell. A few days later he changed his mind he was good daddy again and by the time she was eight weeks I was pregnant with our son. He stayed home while I worked. I was planning the wedding and very happy. We'd entertain company and go out on dates but as soon as I had our son he changed. He began sleeping with girls in our area. Changed his mind about marriage and started popping pills. I didn't leave I really believed that it was cold feet and I know him so well it would change. He moved out without a care. After a few weeks with no contact I went to hang out with the girls he heard and came back I told him I moved on just so he'd see that I didn't need him. That's when I found out I was pregnant I thought our relationship was meant to be so I let him back. That's when he started to sell drugs and hang out all night. One day he came home and I had just got out the shower he told me don't ever walk around him naked again I looked disgusting. He hates when I'm pregnant because I look so unattractive. I remember crying myself to sleep thinking you can leave him you can make it. When I had my son his mom told me she was taking the kids so I could get a break come to find out she gave all three of them a dna test. The nerve of her I was taking care of all my children and home by myself I didn't want his drug money. Guess they found out I'm not a whore because my children were 99.9 percent his. You'd think that would make him do his part but he didn't. I became every bitch in the book. He didn't come home one day and said he was in jail I asked to see paperwork he slapped me so hard I fell into the bedroom window. I told him if you ever think you're going to abuse me you might as well leave. He moved in with a girl a block away on Thanksgiving in 2006. All I asked was he pick the kids up from daycare. He couldn't even do that right he left them there three hours one day. When I got there he was pulling up I told him he was going to be sorry one day he grabbed me by the neck and choked me right in front of the daycare nobody said a word. That was the last time I and the children have seen him. I often ask myself what could I have done to change it all what if I had someone to talk too who wouldn't judge me but would genuinely help me. I never had that so I opened my heart to my children and began loving myself. In December of 2006 I met Raymone Walton Sr. I have never met a man who could love a woman the way he loves me. A man who was and is willing to raise another mans children. A man with strength,courage and integrity. We are married with three children together. In May 2009 I started a group called the black girls next door. A womens encouragement group and my story will continue to be written everyday. With God I know it will only get better.