A Letter to my Readers

Dear Friends,

I heard Keyshia Cole say in her 106th & Park interview that she got tired of singing about heartaches and pain. Funny how I can relate, only I'm not singing but writing and advocating the painful memories for women that deal with domestic violence. I almost pulled the plug on everything: motivational speaking engagements, 2010 book release of "Forgiven, but Not Forgotten(sequel to God, Do I Hear Wedding Bells?), domestic violence blog website, website and all other venues that housed me a platform to speak on, or about domestic violence. It's a sad discussion and anybody that knows me, know that I am a bubbly, unique and fashionista inspired person..... add a bookworm in there somewhere and that perfectly describes me! So when I have to constantly talk about such a traumatic experience for other victims and survivors, it drains me literally.

Did I mention that I may have wanted to change the notes on my tunes and blog about lip gloss vs. lipstick, fashion, men, the single life and all other social collaborations of being a woman?.....A black woman at that. Then God sends a message in my heart and there I go blogging again....LOL....I'm not complaining, I recognize my gift and I do what thus saith the Lord, as much as possible. The joy I get is when a reader or follower of my blogs speak about the knowledge or wisdom they gained from what topic I spoke on. I even have a reader that challenges me to explore my topics and relate them to men. So you see, it's not always about what you want to do....it's about the assignment that God has for your life and if He was so kind to share that revelation with you, you better get busy my friend, doing His work.

I agree with Keyshia Cole announcement that she's over singing the old bitter ballads we've come to love her for and I share a multitude of painful experiences through life that has taught me plenty. I won't stop blogging about domestic violence but I will say this..........I will continously be fed spiritually with whatever I blog about because that is important to me first (I actually have a meditation practice I do before blogging).

As I grow and learn new and exciting things, I will share them with you and I appreciate all of the positive and heartfelt feedback that you give me daily. So get ready for an exciting new ride and be blessed in all that you do......


Love,
Felicia


BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

WHEN A WOMAN LOVES

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Today was my first time seeing this performance by hit making, R & B artist R. Kelly or Kelz as we like to call him. It's been a long time since he's been out at award events and I must say, I enjoyed every moment of this performance.

When he sung the doo-whop version of his song, When A Woman Loves, it touched my heart. I immediately related this song and performance to how women should love a person literally. Love should be at all times exciting, carefree, commitment, suitable compromising, healthy, fun, colorful, adventurous and so forth. Kelz did an outstanding job of vocally singing this song to a very excited audience both on television and live at the 2010 Soul Train Awards.

Women have been described by society as the most exotic, verbal and emotional creatures on this beautiful earth. When we love a person that's it, we give over 100% of our being to that person. A woman will give a man chance after chance or she will dismiss him quick as lightening if he crosses her the wrong way. I'll be the first to admit that I have confused lust with love plenty of times. Women have a passionate, mentally and soulfully experience when they are introduced to love. There's like an unknown power she holds in her soul that no one can break that bond she shares with that person.

I won't keep you long, but I just had to share this theory with you. Love should never be a hurtful experience. I hope you enjoyed this performance as much as I did and learn how to love........love!


BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

THE SUN WILL SHINE AGAIN

Storms brewing or passing in your life, fear not, the day will come again and the sun will shine again in your life. A lot of people in this world today are jobless and lack some of the basic and essential daily needs. As a survivor of domestic violence, I am a witness that after all of the pain of being involved in a physical and emotional abusive marriage....the sun will shine again! Pick yourself up when the world knocks you down! Dust the dirt off of your shoulders if that's a better dialogue for you to understand. Don't let nothing or no one tell you that you can't be or do something.

Here are some facts about the sun I reserached online:

The Sun is one out of billions of stars. The Sun is the closest star to Earth. The Sun rotates once every 27 days. The Sun is now a middle-aged star, meaning it is at about the middle of its life. The Sun formed over four and a half billion years ago. You may think the Sun will die soon, but it will keep shining for at least another five billion years.

Without the Sun, Earth could not support life. The Sun gives off heat and light that the Earth needs to support life (us).

I don't know if you caught the revelation in those facts but it was enough to make me look trouble in the face and await for the sun to shine again over any situation. I've cried many of times about the same situations and cried out to God my deepest desires and either there was no response from the universe or I just gave up and moved on to something else to worry me. I'll leave you with a statement that a dear friend and mentor said to me when I was unemployed and trying to start my life over, she said...."The universe can't say NO forever". Those words I leave with you...when it rains, relax, don't worry because the sun will shine again and again and again and like the facts above said, the sun is no where near about to die soon!

BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!!

THE SINGLE LIFE

Earlier last week, I tweeted and made my Facebook status as such: "Just because you are a good man, doesn't mean that you are a good man for me". I have to admit that I was sick and had dosed off to sleep, suddenly awoke and my mind blurted that theory out loud. It still holds true to me regardless if I was conscious or not....I'm just thankful that I remembered all of the words to make note of it. You know what's next......let's explore this further:

I am single, in case you didn't know. I experience the highs and lows of the single life just like anyone else. There are moments when I enjoy the stillness in my own space, the pace of my own beat, interacting with my own feelings and emotions, enjoying the festivities of travel and foods on my own. Then, there are times that I go to a Bulls basketball game or watch it on television and wonder what it would be like again to have a special someone next to me to hoop and holler at the players and refs when bad calls have been made. Or what about that person to share this life with and include them into my daily activities and not be considered selfish or bitter by society?

I'm okay today with being single....now tomorrow or even five minutes from now, that decision may change. The gift that lies in that change is that, I'm not alone! God knows exactly where my Mr. Right is and the place where He will introduce us. So there is no need for me to rush my gift (a good man of God) into existence by dating countless men and forcing them to be what they were never designed to be to me.....a good man of God. This is where the single life can be a blessing or a cursing for some. I like to borrow from Pastor Jamal Harrison Bryant thought, "A person should only add value to your life". Just because you meet a good person, doesn't mean that they will add value to your life. Value is not only defined by material or financial status. For example, you can meet a good man/woman and they don't like kids or have no intentions of having kids. You on the other hand, either already have a child or in the future, plan to nurture a little Brady Bunch of your own. This should let you know to cease any higher levels in dating this person. Sure, they're a good person, but just not good for you.

The single life is what you make it. Get out there and enjoy life, work hard, treat others with kindness and surely the heavens will open up, and as the good 'ol preacher says and so does the Bible, God will pour you out a blessing! That blessing can be a lifetime of happiness with a companion that is compatiable to you and exceed whatever you thought was your value. Being single is not the end of the world. Give that time in your life to God and focus on you and your needs so that when Mr. Right comes along, you will know how to receive that blessing from God and thank Him, daily.

This month's book selection is written by Bishop T.D. Jakes called BEFORE YOU DO it talks about steps that you need to take before making important decisions in your life.

FORGIVE

I thought of this action word as I have listened to countless survivors of domestic violence struggle to move on in their lives. They have been traumatized beyond words in a blog will ever capture. If I could share anything that could help the transition from being a victim to becoming a survivor, it would be found in an exert from my upcoming book, Forgiven, but NOT Forgotten:

The message I intended for you to get is: to rebuild, restore and reposition your walk with God through forgiving others.

Ask God to help you forgive yourself in order to forgive others. Whatever has happened to you in your past, do not take that weight with you into your future. God can heal all wounds.

We are instructed by Jesus to: “……love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?” (Matthew 5:43-46 NKJV)

Forgiving yourself and others is not something simple to do. I will admit however, that it lightens your load on a promising future too. I could not imagine what my mind state would be if I had not forgiven my abuser a long time ago. That forgiveness in my heart developed before I finally left the relationship. I encourage you to pray to God and ask Him to give you the strength you need to forgive anyone who you feel has done anything wrong to you, your family and or your friends. Harboring ill feelings inside of you is unhealthy to say the least amongst other issues that are relevant in your life.

I say all of this to say to the victims and survivors of domestic violence especially: LET GO OF YOUR PAST FEARS AND LIVE AGAIN THROUGH THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS!


BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

EAT PRAY LOVE

I've been reading the #1 New York Times Bestseller book entitled, EAT PRAY LOVE written by Elizabeth Gilbert. To my surprise, I thought like all other books I would just breeze right through this one as well. God works in mysterious ways....is what I'll say to this book. I thought I share the major concepts, objectives and or view points that has touched my life significantly throughout this book. Hence, will discuss each verb listed in the title:

EAT: In this book the author took a journey through Italy, India and on the Indonesian island of Bali, and captured the very essence of delectable and exotic meals. She learned how to savior her food and eat in small portions rather than stuff foods in her mouth which would only amount to over eating later and a terrible digestive system, if she chose that option. So I submit the same to you and join in the cause with you: LET'S EAT HEALTHIER TOGETHER!!! I am a junk and fast food junkie to my heart. I am very petite and people ask me all the time where the weight goes? Only God my Creator knows that answer, but I will tell you that my physical performance has been altered each and every time I eat things that are unhealthy. So instead of eating three or four chocolate chip cookies, try hard if you may, to just eat one for now and save the rest for another day!!!

PRAY: Most people and religions believe in a higher power and practice some form of prayer. In this book, Elizabeth spiritual struggle was her lack to concentrate on how to successful meditate and know the difference between that and prayer. Simply put, she said that prayer was a person talking to God and meditation was that person listening to what God had to say to them. Everyone prayer life is different, I will encourage you to have one regardless to what your preference is. God hears your prayers and sit back and watch Him bless you beyond whatever you asked or thought to ask of Him. To that, I AM A WITNESS!!!

LOVE: Oh boy, the subject that is meant to be so simple but lay in many people's mind as the enemy or a difficult challenge. In this book, Elizabeth lost love and before she lost it, found a little piece of it on the side in a gentleman. I won't give more details on that story because I don't want to spoil the plot of the book any further. I will say this: reach down inside yourself and love whatever comes up out of your soul and on what appears on the outside when you look in the mirror, BEFORE you dare try to love anyone else. Love is uplifting, respectful, energizes the soul, appreciated, encouraged, devotion, etc. If you are searching for love, I will close with this thought: EAT to nourish your soul, PRAY about the people that you invite into your life and once it becomes available to you wholeheartedly..... LOVE God first and all of these things will be added unto you!


BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

GUEST BLOGGER: DANIELLE GRIFFIN

BEDTIME
Jason is failing in school. The 10 year old is very intelligent, and has a brilliant imagination, but he cannot focus or stay awake in class. His parents both are confused as to what caused his decline. He comes from a loving two parent home, he does his homework, the family goes to Church. What is causing this sudden change in behavior?

Jason’s bedroom is under the bedroom in the apartment upstairs, where his new neighbors have moved in. The new neighbors both smile and wave whenever they see him in the hallway or the parking lot. They look so happy, but Jason knows they are not. Jason hears the lady yell and curse at her husband, calling him stupid and trifling. Jason hears the man yell at his wife, telling her that she will never be anything, and that she is an ugly whore. They argue about money, about their kids, about the weather, about clothes, about EVERYTHING! Jason hears the bedroom furniture slam against the wall as they scream at each other. Jason hears this every night.
When he finally told his parents, they asked him did he ever hear the man hit the woman. “No.” “Well then,” his father said, patting his son on the back, “they are not abusing each other. They are just having little arguments. Now, don’t worry about them, and let’s get back to improving your grades in school.”

Jason knew that this was not a little argument. He knew that it was mean and hurtful to talk to someone like that. He told his school counselor, Miss Gwen, why he was sleeping in class, and she told him about emotional abuse. He told Miss Gwen that they were not abusing each other, because he never heard them hit each other. Miss Gwen explained that emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from constant criticisms and verbal attacks, to repeated disapproval or refusing to be pleased. Emotional abuse is like brain washing, it chips away at the victims self esteem, their self worth, it makes them feel bad about themselves; like they’ve done something wrong or bad to cause this treatment.

Miss Gwen told him that men and women can both be emotional abusers, and that it happens in all types of relationships- romantic like his neighbors, friendships, family, and in classrooms. Sometimes abusers constantly yell at the other person, they degrade and criticize them, they ignore the other person’s feelings, they have unpredictable mood swings, and they purposely humiliate their partner in public.
Jason heard his neighbors arguing, and it kept him up at night, because it made him wonder. They argued about their kids, did he make his parents argue about him? Did they hit each other? Did they hate each other? It made him feel sad to hear such mean words being said, such ugly phrases being yelled constantly. It made him anxious when it was bedtime, because he was afraid to get comfortable, because he knew the fighting was coming. It made him afraid of relationships.

Jason told Miss Gwen that he wanted to teach his parents about emotional abuse. Miss Gwen gave him a packet of information about domestic violence, and she encouraged him to read over it with his parents. In class, Jason told his teacher that he wanted to teach the other students about domestic violence. She told him that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and that he could create a presentation to inform his classmates. Jason shared his new knowledge with his parents, his classmates, and he even wrote his neighbors a letter. Soon after, their fighting stopped, and Jason could sleep in peace.