Look At Me

Several months ago, after a speaking engagement I had, I came across a young lady who was sharing with me that her friend was in a domestic violence relationship and that she also cuts herself to deal with it. For whatever reason, that young lady was just placed on my heart and I did what I only know best, I decided to write about it. Now this writing is different for me because I had to pretend or act as if I was the young lady who cuts herself. I thought about possible feelings and things that this young lady would do and be going through. I wanted to post pictures of what cutting looks like but they were too graphic. Check it out my poem on this:

I'm the one that ministers to everyone

People look up to me

but yet I cry alone at night

I speak about violence against women

But continues to self inflict myself

Doubt myself

Self esteem is a half a mile away from the end

Yesterday marinates with today

I haven't forgotten anything

memories I still long for

I failed in life

That's what I tell myself

Look at me

I'm broken can't you see?

Hiding behind the fake smiles,

hard work and determination

Resides a woman that still lives a double life

If the world only knew once the performance is done

I hurt myself

in the privacy of my powder room

The pain feels so good

like my lover in between the sheets

Only it doesn't take as long for me to reach this climax

He beats me...... I beat me

When I walk outside these doors, no one knows my silent story

I wear clothes to cover up the sores

Until the day my dear friend

grabbed me by the hand

I lied to cover up the shame

But I knew our friendship would never be the same

I asked her not to tell anyone if I told her the truth

She promised and said this will stay between me and you

I raised up my sleeves and she cried a multitude of tears

Look at me

What do you see?

She blamed herself for not noticing what I felt

Even offered to take me to get some help

No one can know about this

For the good book says

This too shall pass

I'll stop

I tell her

as soon as she leaves

I race to that familiar room and began a new

line of piercings in my flesh

Only this time, I became so afraid that my secret would be told

so ended it all with a slash across my neck..............

For this young lady, we were too late to help her but this is an eye opener to society to help others before it's too late. When you come across a victim of domestic violence, you have a cocktail or mixture of other problems with the victim besides the abuse they are receiving from their partner. Again, I say, this is not a true story that I know of, just wanted to explore what could happen if we don't help victims of domestic violence before they commit suicide.

Here's a link that provides information about cutting: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-injury/DS00775/DSECTION=symptoms

"I don't think anyone wants to cut when they are being listened to." S. Hein

If you or someone is experiencing this, please seek medical and professional help!

Be Blessed!!!

POEM: KNOW YOUR WORTH

Whose gonna stand up for it?

No politicians can articulate

what lies inside of you

You're waiting for people to recognize it?

Chile, please...

How's that been working out for you?

You need to see what others can't

or what they can see but won't acknowledge

You've been beaten, talked about and lied on

Still waiting on someone else to confirm who you are?

Look to the hills

from wence cometh your help

God sees all and knows all

Feel like giving up?

Now where they do that at?

Cause victory is on the other side of defeat

The key is....crossing the finish line

Sleeping with this person and that person

to only end up treating a disease

that will come again if you keep this up

Or making the fight to end AIDS last longer

because you have now become another statistics to the masses

He said, she said, they've all said it

KNOW YOUR STATUS

Reach deep down in your soul

and conquer the fears and end HIV stigma

In case you didn't know, that's killing you!

Momma, the kids done met all of the "uncles" they can remember

Daddy, just because you and momma can't get along,

don't take it out on us and NOT come around

Know your worth sister

stop showing off all of your goodies

You're a Barbie?

Put some clothes on then and become a queen

instead of something fake and made out of plastic

Brother, know your worth

Lil Wayne is not a good example

No dis to hip hop but that's a gimmick

Brothers like Common, Jay Z and Hill Harper

are just to name a few

who have paved a way for you

to do things decent and in order

It took me years to relay this message

Once upon a time

I didn't know my worth

Wore skimpy clothes, dated thugs, slept around and hung with hoes

Trust me the road ends and you can't go forth

until you know your worth!

HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN OUR COMMUNITIES TODAY!!!

Poem: MY LIFE

At the first appearance of daylight,

trouble saluted me

I tried to remain prostrate

hoping the thoughts would go away

Stressing over life

loosing weight

drinking and smoking cigarettes

Petitioned to God to please hurry and fix my life

Tried doing things my way

and the determination of the enemy directions

is overpowering me

Where is my breakthrough?

Screaming to the heavens

for peace to be still

and chaos commands attention in my life

This is my life

this is all I know

Momma and grandma went through it and now it's my turn

I've been a rebel, broken and torn

Lovers here and there to fill an empty void

Never dealt with my past

until now ..........

It won't allow me to sweep it under the rug anymore

I drink the pain away and I smoke to deal with the memories

of fear and suffering

instead of simply breaking the silence

Talking about it and taking a stand is easier said than done

But this is my life

people won't understand my problems

They have problems of their own

Who would care about mine?

He wouldn't let me die in peace

so suicide isn't an option for me

But these constant headaches, lack of sleep and bruises

are killing me silently anyway

Friends and family encourage me to leave daily

but never offer me a place to stay

Leave and be alone and homeless? Leave my children fatherless?

No, it's easier to just deal with it

I'm stupid and too ugly to face this world alone

well at least that's what he says about me

This is my life

I should be allowed to do what I want to do with it right?

Help seems so far away so until God shows me otherwise,

this is my life and I'm deciding to stay!

I wrote this poem from a victim's point of view to the world for always asking....why do you stay in an abusive relationship? Hope this open the eyes of victims to break this cycle and for the world to have more compassion and not blame the victim for the abuse they receive from their batterer.

HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN OUR COMMUNITIES!!!

WISHLIST RECAP

So last Saturday, December 17, 2011 ..... A New Me Foundation, Young Adults in Christian Ministries (Y.A.C.M.), The Black Girls Next Door and a host of others, came out to drop off donations for the residents at Greenhouse shelter. There was a great amount of gifts and toys for the women and children to receive in time for the holidays. I'm so grateful for those that came out and supported with gifts and monetary donations.

It says a lot about people who care enough to help provide for total strangers. This world needs more people like you and the Coordinator of the Wishlist at Connections for Abused Women and their Children, Solange Pina-Lorca was so happy and very grateful for all of the gifts that I dropped off, at the administrative office.

For more information on ways you can donate or volunteer at the shelter, please log onto www.cawc.org

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO EXPERIENCE LIFE IN ORDER TO TALK ABOUT IT

So many people have reached out to me to make sure I was ok because I haven't posted much on Facebook or Twitter (I live on Twitter LOL) ...... I'm doing fine and still working hard with and for A New Me Foundation. Life has finally settled down with me and I with life. I just took some time away from my usual routines to experience life and love in order to have something to talk and write about. Writing is my therapy session without the shrink and a couch. So I take it seriously and give a lot of energy into my thoughts.

I've been concentrating more, writing, reading and taking photos....doing the things I love outside of my jobs. My motto is, "Life motivates me to write". So with that being said, I had to live a little, in order to write...LOL.

Another question that comes up for me is, am I still gonna blog about domestic violence because I have been introduced to "love" again? The answer: ABSOLUTELY...... YES!!!! I will always write about domestic violence until there is no longer breath in my body and no more victims left to write and advocate for. Love isn't going anywhere and the beautiful thing about my boyfriend is that he supports what I do 100% and shares the compassion for victims of domestic violence as much as I do. I can understand where this question could come from but nevertheless, that's my answer. I've also created a new blog site to express "happier topics" to give me an outlet too.

Finally, I've been piecing together the final touches of my soon to be FOURTH self-published book entitled, ANOTHER CHANCE TO LIVE, due out in 2012. So you see I've been busy just haven't posted or tweeted my every step like usual. I live a life that requires time and priorities to be tended to accordingly. That makes a GREAT leader. I have kids and a job too so I've been living my life, like a normal person so that I don't get burnt out trying to help everybody else (which could easily happen).

So go out in the world, experience life and help break the silence of domestic violence!!!!

WISHLIST December 17, 2011

The holidays are upon us and together, A New Me Foundation and the Young Adults in Christian Ministries want to help make life a little easier for women and/or their children that have been abused at the Greenhouse Shelter, located in the Chicagoland area. Attached are the wishlist items to be donated to the shelter and the drop off location information. We humbly ask that you participate in this wishlist drive. There will be warm refreshments as a token of our appreciation upon your arrival. Please pass this information onto others and may God continue to bless you in all that you do in your life, and in the lives of others.

*For monetary donations, please make checks or money orders payable to Greenhouse Shelter*



WHEN: DECEMBER 17, 2011
WHERE: GREATER WALTERS A.M.E. ZION CHURCH
8422 S. DAMEN AVE
CHICAGO, IL
TIME: 3:00 -4:30 PM

Greenhouse Shelter, a program of Connections for Abused Women and their Children, formerly Chicago Abused Women Coalition, is Chicago’s oldest program for victims of domestic violence. Full to capacity 365 days a year, Greenhouse served 273 women and children in 2010. To help meet the daily living needs of those women and children, donations of the following products are greatly appreciated.

• Art supplies (brushes, paint, clay, colored pencils)
• Transit cards (anything except a 30 day pass)
• Journals
• Family size toiletries
• Family size laundry detergent
• Diapers (especially sizes 4, 5, 6)
• Construction paper, drawing paper, butcher paper
• Household cleaning supplies
• Baby wipes, lotions, shampoos
• New underwear and socks (women and children sizes)
• Grocery store gift cards
• Small self-care bags
• Pocket or monthly calendars
• Paper products – toilet paper, paper towels, napkins
• Towels and wash cloths
• NEW backpacks and school supplies (scissors, glue, notebooks, folders, binders, calculators)
• Used cell phones

NO USED CLOTHING, SHOES OR TOYS

For more information, contact Felicia Simpson at (312)523-7477

What is Felicia Talking About Now?

Ok so I am randomly posting my thoughts on Facebook and Twitter today for a reason, in case you're wondering, what is Felicia talking about now? So earlier today, I'm cleaning out my flash drive of old photos for blogs I've posted to make room and stumbled across a file that said "Book". Nothing stood out to me so naturally, I double-clicked and POOF, there's a novel I started writing last year on 9/28/10 and did not finish it. Confession, the "book" only has three paragraphs and no title which leaves me with not too much to work with. As the usual ritual I do before I write, I asked God what he wanted me to write about? S-E-X-U-A-L A-B-U-S-E almost screamed out me from the inside. I potted big time and said, "No, God please not another sad and depressing issue to write about." Here's the issue I have, two books have been about domestic violence and the last book is about HIV/AIDS..... that's 3 out 4 books about serious issues in our community. That one book left is a women's devotional book. I feel as if people are gonna start seeing me as the "serious writer about diseases and violence." Which I don't want to be known for. I want to write about "girly" and happier issues and topics.

Here are my Facebook status and Tweets from today so far:

You ever heard God speak to you about doing something that you just flat out don't want to do? <---- yep just had my moment lol but I know better and better get to doing it

Last thought I just had: God will take you to some places you've never been before and give you the courage to write about it

I have to say this again, this message came from my good friend Nicole and it slapped me in my face when I read it on her blog:

"Your gifts will be used to help others, encourage them, inspire them, maybe even bring them closer to God. God can use you through your gift to draw someone closer to Him."

I've never been sexually abused as a child but I know that there are people out there who have been, so I can see God's reasons for this, uummmmm but why me to write about it is my ONLY question? I'm seeing a trend with my novels, domestic violence, HIV/AIDS and now I'm to write about sexual abuse? Will this trend of important issues that plague our communities, ever end in my writing career (I'm claiming that)? I don't know, I guess we'll have to stay tuned to find out ..........

SCREAM

I've been silenced far too long

the neighbors can hear your screams anyway

the dishes rattle on the counter

the walls are intimate with your back and head

He apologized

To show how sorry he really was

Sex was given to you as your first gift

Roses delivered in the morning

Cycle repeats itself yet again

Scream

Let out what has been hurting you

take responsibilty for your part

loose fear from your inner being

Forgive yourself

Hold your head up

and take your power back

Your love is crawling away from him

Five minutes later you're calling me a

B-I-T-C-H

S-L-U-T

and any other word that my mother did not sign to

My face and hands live on the floors of this place

tears cleanse the blood stains on the floors

I lost my voice and control a long time ago

How can I get it back?

How did I get to such a lonely place?

The answers to those questions lies within

Now it's time for me to

break the silence and

S-C-R-E-A-M

POEM: IN THE MORNING

Heard the birds singing

smelled the coffee brewing

Kids are up

morning paper delivered

Work day ahead for me

Slept good last night

Not a nightmare in sight

Rise and shine, it's morning

To all things that God created,

here's a chance at something new

Today, claim your victory

Lend a helping hand

Cherish your loved ones

Hug and kiss the elderly

Pray for your children

Read your Bible

Thank Him for another breath to live

Repent and start over

In the morning,

life is abundant with

new possiblities

Leave the bad dreams on your pillows

Carry the good dreams with you

I know tomorrow lies ahead of you

but for now enjoy

in the morning

where the bird sings

and my love is worn like a silk scarf

embracing destiny

In the evening, life throws a curve

but it's something about

in the morning,