CHILD ABUSE

(This report came from the CAWC IL 40-Hour Domestic Violence training manual on page 50)

Children from violent homes also becomes victims. They are often neglected and abused, suffer severe stress and develop dysfunctional behaviors.

Frequently, children from violent homes are neglected physically and emotionally by parents who are in crisis from the violence or who have developed dysfunctional patterns in the family. The family establishes patterns of poor communication, using violence for problem-solving, controlling some family members by force, and making it dangerous to express feelings.

Children from homes in which domestic violence occurs are frequently abused themselves. Abusive men may attack the children as well. Also women who are abused may retaliate and become abusive to the children.

Children in this situation are afraid of the violence they hear and witness. They are tense and apprehensive about the violence reoccurring. They may often feel guilty, inadequate or angry when they can't prevent the violence.

Children often grow up exhibiting the same violent behavior as their parents. This is especially true of boys. Studies show that eighty percent of battering men were either abused or witnessed abuse in their homes as children. Boys become hostile to the women they are closest to; i.e., their mothers and sisters. As adults, they are likely to abuse their partners and children.

Children develop their own strategies for survival in growing up in abusive homes, including:

1.) Avoiding conflict by being a "perfect child". Children often view themselves as the cause of the anger and the violence. They may feel guilty and believe that the violence will not occur if they are well behaved.

2.) Trying to diffuse family tension to avoid violence. Children may attempt to manipulate their parents' behaviors, feelings and actions to stop the violence. They may draw attention to themselves or refocus the abuser's attention.

3.) Trying to intervene during violent outbursts on their mother's behalf. Children frequently try to protect their mother from the violence.

4.) Becoming passive and withdrawn. When children learn that they cannot control the violence in their families, they may withdraw to protect themselves. They are often frightened to see the people that they love the most being abusive and being hurt.

5.) Learning to use violence to control others. Children from violent homes often bully their friends, siblings or mothers. They learn that violence is an effective means of gaining control over others.

6.) Acting out in destructive ways. Children may act out through alcohol or drug abuse, delinquent behaviors, school-related problems, criminal behavior, depression or suicide.