My 2013 Recap: The Year of Experience

This year was the year of experience for me.  Unfortunately in some situations but a blessing in others. I experienced a NEW blessing in a NEW home for the BULLSROOM and I love fixing it up to my likings.  I experienced my hubby DROSE ultimate downfall in his career twice.  I experienced financial lost within my job since July I've been part time and don't know if/when I'll ever return full time (work in non-profit), but I've done my job with a smile each day and never stop giving my best to the youth I served in the schools.  I've experienced starting over as a sophmore in school instead of entering my senior year where I belong because my credits were deemed out dated and been doing the best I can and getting the best grades possible and offered to apply for a scholarship.  I experienced more outreach services with ANMF than motivational speaking or providing workshops that has humbled me even more and finally received my certification to be an IL Domestic Violence trainer.  I experienced days when my cabinets were empty of food for me and my family, but I still volunteered serving the homeless and battered women populations with thanksgiving in my heart.  I experienced severe writer's block and did not produce more fruit with the most precious gift God gave me....writing His word so that people can hear from Him.  I experienced depression, low self esteem and lost my confidence these last three months of my life and my cousin Erica Walton and sister Kwiannie Williams ('KIKI') have been the shoulders from a distance that I could lean on daily and reminded me of who's child I am and helped bring me back from that dark place of self destruction that I slipping into.  Finally, I experienced an unexpected loss of love within the last three weeks.  God saw what I couldn't see in 3 years but He showed me the whole time I can admit that and in one day, removed this man from my life so that the man that is out there for me, who can love me honestly, will be in alignment with God as I am and will be the one for me.  I don't know what awaits me in 2014 but I will walk into the next season trusting God and rebuilding my confidence in myself.  Happy NYE everyone be safe and blessed.

#DVAM at EPIC Academy on 10/28/13

We had an awesome time talking to the teens at EPIC Academy on 10/28/13.  The panelists shared their testimonies of personal experiences with domestic violence, the panelists also discussed several important warning signs as it relates to teen dating violence and opened the discussion, for their questions.

Although domestic violence happens in our communities often, it doesn't have to if we continue to educate ourselves as well as others and no matter the age to began the dialogue.  

The teens are honoring the observance of October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month and Domestic Violence Awareness Month, by selling the ribbons in the far right, bottom corner.  Some of the proceeds will go towards A New Me Foundation, Inc. to help continue providing FREE services to the clients they serve.

We are proud of these young ladies for learning about domestic violence and going out in the community to BREAK THE SILENCE and help end violence against women and their children.

NOVEMBER: COMMUNITY SERVICE PROJECT

The Struggle is OVER!

Sometimes, we don't know when we have passed through a storm or struggles in our life because our minds have been so consumed with "getting through it".  I know from personal experience that you have to declare and decree in the prophetic voice and by faith, know when, the struggle is OVER.

Have you ever had God deliver you from something and you couldn't believe it and kept questioning it, instead of just walking into your NEW beginning?  Yep, me too.  This song spoke to me this evening and it was on my heart that someone needed to know that their struggle is OVER and God has never left your side the entire time you went through it.

Jesus told the good shepherd that He came to give us life and life more abundantly (see John 10:10). With that, we must know that struggles are not meant to take us out but to keep us living.

It's hard for someone to celebrate victories because of the feelings of being possibly too prideful or arrogant.  Well, people always celebrated after a hard time in their life in the Bible, with praise and worship first, they had feasts of celebrations, singing songs, celebrating by dancing, etc.  So what better way to acknowledge that a struggle is over than to celebrate the fact that YOU MADE IT THROUGH ALIVE and THANKING GOD FOR THE JOURNEY.

The other day, I celebrated my life of living on Facebook by acknowledging that, for another year, I am STILL a survivor of domestic violence and working even harder in the community to help others affected by it. I shared that I don't take my life for granted not one day that I rise to live in it.  So many women have died by the hands of and/or weapons of their abusers, for me not to know, acknowledge that, that struggle is OVER in my life and I am now walking in my PURPOSE.

The next time a struggle for you arises, know that it won't last long, God planting seeds of growth in an area of your life and get ready to reap the harvest of NEW blessings for YOU and everyone connected to you.

What are some ways that will confirm to a person that their struggle is over?

Listen to song in the above video an be blessed.

DONATE Children's Books to the Kids at Clara's House on 10/12

HELP NEEDED: PLEASE donate CHILDREN'S BOOKS to A New Me Foundation for the kids at Clara's House on 10/12. I can pick them up or call me to drop them off. This is ANMF's community service project for the month of October in observance of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH. If your kids just have books laying around the house that they aren't reading anymore, PLEASE donate them to US. Coloring books and cross word puzzle books are excepted too. Teachers and retired teachers are welcomed to donate books from your classroom that you aren't using anymore.

Please Keep Me Safe...... #DVAM

Psalm 25:1-5
Please keep me safe, Lord.

I offer you my heart, Lord God, 

and I trust You.

Don't make me ashamed 

or let enemies defeat me.

Don't disappoint any 

of Your worshippers,

but disappoint all 

deceitful liars.

Show me Your paths

and teach me to follow;

guide me by your truth

and instruct me.

You keep me safe,

and I always trust you.

             

OCTOBER is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH (#DVAM)!  At A New Me Foundation, Inc., we are excited to help our fellow Chicagoland organizations and partners raise awareness and host various events to keep our communities engaged in a conversation that NO ONE wants to talk about: domestic violence.  Each year there are domestic violence walks/runs, vigils, panel discussions, community events, fundraisers, etc, and all of the organizations need YOUR help.   

Why do I make it my business to support #DVAM every year?  

Other than me annually celebrating myself being a survivor for another year and saying prayers for all of the victims we lost within a year,  sadly the homicide rates due to domestic violence cases haven't stopped.  Somewhere we are missing a link from education, prevention and implementation of resources and workshops that we haven't reached to those victims that we see on our news channels.  I have been connected to several women who like myself have survived domestic violence as well as connected with women who have lost a daughter, sister, mother or aunt due to domestic violence.

I'll never forget a teenager I met last school year who disclosed to me that she witness her aunt's boyfriend murder her in the alley in the back of their house.  This student mom was on drugs and wasn't around much and so that aunt was the only mother figure she knew of and now she was gone too.  Needless to say, the teen felt abandoned, again.  With organizations such as A New Me, we help rebuild healthier relationships in families and empower all women and children who have been affected by or exposed to violence either in their homes, schools or communities.

We all know at least ONE person that is a victim or survivor of domestic violence.  DO ALL THAT YOU CAN to either help them get away from their abuser or stay a SURVIVOR.  Get educated on domestic violence and help support organizations financially and I'm sure they will appreciate ANY AMOUNT that your heart was led to give.

Check back here all month to see what we have going on, where we'll be, guests on our blogs, etc.

What ways are you gonna support #DVAM?????

Be blessed!!!!

A NEW ME FOUNDATION, INC OCTOBER 26, 2013 RELATIONSHIP FORUM PRESS RELEASE

A New Me Foundation, Inc. 

Hosts “Real Talk” Forum Fundraiser to Assist Victims of Domestic Violence

 Grassroots non-for-profit, A New Me Foundation, Inc. seeks to empower women with a real talk forum hosted by Comedienne Buff Bay during Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

CHICAGO, September 24, 2013 -- A New Me Foundation, Inc. presents “Real Talk Relationship Forum” hosted by Comedienne Rashida “Buff Bay” Lucas. Comedienne “Buff Bay” has been seen on Divorce Court, R&B Divas of Atlanta, Jokes n Notes and the Laugh Factory. The forum is Saturday October 26, 2013 from 8:00pm-11:00 pm at the Epic Luxury Boutique Chicago, IL. The forum serves as a fundraiser for A New Me Foundation, Inc. to continue to provide FREE services to victims, survivors and their families who are affected by domestic violence. The event will include raffle prizes, refreshments, cocktails and entertainment. A New Me Foundation invites everyone to come for an opportunity to enjoy an atmosphere of fun and empowerment.

A New Me Foundation, Inc. will host this forum during the month of October in observance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, “Domestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from the first Day of Unity observed in October, 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The intent was to connect battered women’s advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their children. The Day of Unity soon became a special week when a range of activities were conducted at the local, state, and national levels.’ A New Me Foundation, Inc. Founder, Felicia Simpson says, “Providing services to women in need is necessary. As a former victim, I know the everyday needs that may go unmet when making the transition out of relationship ended by domestic violence. This is why we raise funds to help A New Me Foundation provides free workshops to empower victims of domestic violence by purchasing supplies for the workshops and sponsoring a woman and her children living in a domestic violence shelter with toiletries, washing detergent, gift cards from grocery stores, bus passes, bedding, bibles, school supplies and uniforms and journals.”

This event promises to be interactive and informative for everyone in attendance. A New Me Foundation, Inc. welcomes the participation of local businesses and media. All media and vendors that would like to get involved in this and any future A New Me Foundation events through sponsorship, promotion, or service, should contact Felicia Simpson. Email: felicianewme@gmail.com Phone: 773-469-6758.

About A New Me Foundation:
 A New Me Foundation, Inc. provides comprehensive services for victims and survivors of domestic violence, including motivational speaking, prevention-education, resource referral and linkage, case management, emergency and transitional family housing referrals, parenting classes, and a variety of support groups.

For more information visit, www.anewmefoundation.blogspot.com.

Media Contact: 
Founder, Felicia T. Simpson of  A New Me Foundation, Inc.
 773-469-6758
Email: felicianewme@gmail.com

Purchase Tickets for this event at: http://anmfrelationshipforum.eventbrite.com/ 
Facebook: www.Facebook.com/ANewMeFoundation
Twitter: www.Twitter.com/anewmefound

A Moment of Encouragement

I shared this earlier today on my Facebook status:

God sees your pain, He holds your heart in His hands, TRUST Him and know that trouble DON'T last always. In the storms of life, the Bread of Life walks you through the storm, not around it. Hold fast to God's unchanging hands. The enemy will use chaos and confusion to deter you from God's purpose for your life. It is NOT God's will to leave you or forsake you but to bless you and keep you in His perfect will. Stay encouraged and be blessed!!!

It was on my spirit as a reminder to myself and I wanted to share it YOU today.

ANMF 2013 RELATIONSHIP FORUM

Are you ready to discuss......RELATIONSHIPS????? Well join us this year in observance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month on OCTOBER 26, 2013 and bring your BEST relationship questions you want our hilarious moderator and comedienne, RaShida "Buff Bay" Lucas, local panelists and our audience to answer.

This is a FUNDRAISER to help us continue to provide FREE services to victims, survivors and their families who are affected by domestic violence while we promote and help build HEALTHIER relationships.

EARLY BIRD REGISTRATION: For a limited time, you can register (limit of 5 tickets) for the event ONLINE for ANY donation amount here: http://anmfrelationshipforum.eventbrite.com/

Help spread the word, bring a friend, date, spouse, social club, etc and enjoy a great night of comedy and discussions.

Joyce Meyer's 2014 LOVE LIFE Women's Conference

What a blessing it was to be in the atmosphere with other Christians, regardless of their denominations.  Joyce Meyer (JM) and others (Andy Stanley and Priscilla Shirer (PS)) during each session. I have even become to love Christian Contemporary music, which is something I hadn't listened to prior to the conference experience.  We took a journey from the lies we tell ourselves to learning and believing the truth that God says about us.  Women from all walks of life and from around the globe, gathered at the Edwards Jones dome in St. Louis, MO from September 12-14, 2013.

Log onto www.joycemeyer.org to find out more information on Joyce Meyer Ministries.


I want to share some key points of views or perspectives that I gained from the conference (and initials of who said it) and I want to share them with you:

* The more good we do in life, the better quality we will have in our life - JM
* Follow the leadership of the Holy Spirit - JM
* I may have some weakness but I'm not a wicked person - JM
* The more you work so hard for others, the happier you will be in life - JM
* Have input on your outcome - JM
* You can't give away what you don't have - JM
* You've sown good seeds and you should be expecting a harvest - JM
* Stop living in fear that you're gonna do the wrong thing - JM
* You can not wear God out, He has entire and complete PATIENCE (1 Timothy 12-16) - PS
* God's finest work is ...... YOU! - PS
* God put me in a location to be of service to accomplish His purpose - PS
*The enemy makes us think that the location where God puts us is insignificant - PS
* Invest in lives that will later be spiritual gifts - PS
* I haven't been cheated by God, I've been CHOSEN - PS

Hope those bullet points were helpful to you and you can use them in your everyday life.  The women's conference was AWESOME to me and I'm thankful that I had the chance to encounter such an important blessing to my life as well as others.  I look forward to attending the conference next year and I hope you can make it as well.

TRANSFORM YOUR MIND

*Listen to the Bishop T.D. Jakes video I posted before this blog*

This message poured into my spirit and now I'm sharing it with you:  TRANSFORM YOUR MIND!

I want certain things in my life to happen, that I've prayed about and/or said a prayer about and I assume the same is for you.  The revelation that I received was that, nothing can happen in my life until my mind is transformed.  A lot of the blessings we want, we want them fast and we don't have them because our mind hasn't received them yet.  There's a secret place in our mind that God and the Holy Spirit dwells (I believe) and our thoughts are held captive there because we don't truly believe that they can manifest in the supernatural.

Don't believe me, just watch in Romans 12:2 (KJV):

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Once your mind is transformed, then you can exercise your faith and watch mountains move out of the way in your life that's been holding you back.

I've come a mighty, mighty, mighty, (ok you get it), long way and the majority of the progress I believe came from my thoughts and how I transformed my thinking.  I used to think I wasn't good enough to be genuinely loved by anyone who wasn't a drug dealer (honestly speaking), I didn't accomplish enough as everyone around me (educational and professional), I thought nobody would support me as an author (paperback or eBooks) and lastly, know one will support my endeavors to raise awareness of domestic violence, because know one wants to talk about something so secretive or discuss something too sad with all the murders that happen as a cause of it.

As Joyce Meyer's would say, "Just stinking thinking".

Until one day, I declared and decreed, "I believe in the visions that God has placed inside of me and I'm determined to carry them out if NOBODY believes in me, because I know that He does".

I remember those days when I didn't value my self worth and stayed doubting myself, because honestly, I didn't believe it and because I couldn't believe it, I couldn't think of it to come pass.  Scripture, tells us in Proverbs 23:7 (KJV) that:

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.....

Some days it's gonna be harder than others, to not only speak things into existence but to also transform your mind and heart to BELIEVE it and have FAITH that it will happen.  Our mind is the devils playground (I'm sure you've heard that before) if we let him and trust me, he loves to swing all around up there and enjoy filling our minds with chaos, the devil will have you believing the worst about yourself instead of the BEST that God intended for you.

In what ways could you transform your NEW mind from "stinking thinking"?  We want to hear from you.

Bishop T.D. Jakes - Free Your Mind

Make Sure You Dress for the Occassion

In November 2011, I received a call that I had an interview for a Program Assistant position.  Wait, ME, I thought.  I had been unemployed for TWO years, living back home with my parents, finally left my toxic marriage and was know where near prepared for an interview in two days.  Not to mention the stress of the beginning stages of a divorce and of my past, I was EXTRA skinnnnnnnn-tttttyyyyyy (skinny) and could not fit a thing in my closet and know one else closet so I thought.

Everything I tried on, you guessed it, fell off of my thin skeleton of my body.  My self esteem was super low so whatever I wore, I didn't feel my best.  Until one day I reached out and asked for HELP!  One of my dearest friends from high school, allowed me to come over her house and try on some of her clothes and even gave me the favorites I picked out (what a blessing and I'll never forget that).  She didn't want anything in return, we were about the same size, I'm teasing, she was a size thicker than me LOL, and didn't hesitate to give up what she had available in her closet.

Moving forward, I stepped in that interview, shared a bit of my testimony of a soon to be divorcee and needed a job to regain my independence (I relied on my ex-husbands income).  I GOT THE JOB!!!!!  I have been at that agency ever since and even moved around in a different position of a Violence Prevention Specialist once it became available and for once, I felt, I QUALIFIED FOR THE POSITION.

When you are returning to the working field, I suggest you bring the best YOU possible.  Some companies hire based off of need, qualifications or you know someone that knows someone that knows someone....you get it.

I know a woman who I call my big sister, said to me before that interview back in 2011, "the universe can tell you no so many times before it HAS to tell you YES! Claim it! Receive it!"  I tell you, with that message and my final prayer before walking in that office to be interviewed, I finally felt a peace that passed all of my understanding.

My former boss, later told me it had narrowed down between me and another candidate and it was my confidence, energy, qualifications, my attire and my NEW testimony of deliverance from domestic violence that employed me and not the other candidate.  With that being said, be the best YOU on the interview by doing the following:

• Get plenty of rest the night before so those bags under your eyes won't exist.  

• Map out your route for the interview (check traffic updates on the radio or with all of these fancy apps out).

• DRESS APPROPRIATELY!!!!  Do NOT show up to an interview in jeans, club attire, play clothes, etc.  I don't care if it's for a job at McDonald's.  If you don't have the appropriate attire or aren't sure of what to wear, do as I did and borrow something (dry clean and return if possible) or find the nearest thrift store (don't sleep on thrift stores) or shelters or local agencies that assists with donating clothes.  Be presentable at all times and tame that mane (hair) too.

• Bring pens (minimum of 2), professional looking notepad, binder, folder, portfolio or something to put MULTIPLE copies of your CURRENT resume in.

• Ask questions for clarity on things you don't understand.

• SAY YOUR PRAYERS, MEDITATE, etc before it's showtime.

• Eat a healthy breakfast or snack before the interview (no one wants to hear your stomach growling).

• SPIT OUT THAT GUM!

• TURN OFF THAT CELL PHONE, iPod, iPad or anything that beeps, buzzes, alarms and just makes noise always at the wrong time.

• SHARPEN up your resumes often.

Hope these tips help and if you need tips to finding a new job when you already have one, here's a link to check out: http://madamenoire.com/65129/tips-to-finding-a-new-job-when-you-already-have-one/


Keep me posted and/or share other tips you found as you went on interviews.

10 TIPS to Keep You From Falling Asleep after Reading ONE Page in a Book

If you follow my personal social media accounts, you're guaranteed to see a similar emoji icon because I read A LOT!  I get asked all of the time:  How do you read so many books, so fast and read books all the time? This question is often followed by their confession of:  I try to read, but I always fall asleep after the first page or two and never pick the book back up again.  Well, in order to read often, there's that one verb, you can't escape .........READ.

If you find yourself even reading the Bible starting at Genesis as so many of us have started there, read the first three scriptures, probably the King James version of the Bible at that, and said.... "I QUIT, LORD I'LL JUST STICK TO PRAYING".  You're not alone.  It took me to discover that there were other translations to the Bible such as the New International Version (NIV), Amplified (which gives detailed synonyms for scriptures) and the Message Bible.  After all, I don't talk saying, "Thus, sayeth the Lord", so why would I read a book that is basically foreign to me.  Now don't get me wrong, I'll pull out that gigantic King Version Bible when I need to refer to one of those, good 'ol big momma quoting scriptures to deposit in my spirit.  The key to reading, to me is balance.

I don't always read the Bible, I read a variety of books from fiction, non-fiction, inspirational, educational, business-related and now that I'm in the social work field working with youth, I find myself reading more fictional books to "escape" the world of talking to youth all day.  Can you imagine the type of conversations I encounter?  Interesting, I tell you.   I've been expanding my selection of reading genres of fictional stories to novels about women in slavery.  Not sure how I arrived there but I enjoy it nonetheless.  I'll read a fictional book if the majority of my work is done, I have free time to relax, NO KIDS (even mine) are near me and I need to enjoy someone else fictional life.  I'll read inspirational books when I need to feel my spirit because so much of me is given away to help other people so my spiritual tank is always in need of a fill up.

So now, the moment you've been waiting on and one of the reasons why you clicked on this link, my tips to keep you from falling asleep after reading one page in a book:

1.) TURN THAT PHONE OFF!

You will get all cozy in that reading spot of your choice and that Facebook notification will sound off on that phone and you must check out who's checking you out, immediately..... DON'T DO IT!!! Checking one notification will turn into many that will make hours go by and you haven't read nothing at all.

2.) READ IN A SPOT THAT'S COMFORTABLE BUT NOT TOO COMFORTABLE

If you already know that you're gonna fall asleep reading, don't read lying in bed or under dim lights or candles that set the, it's time for bed, not reading mood.  Instead, read in a place that doesn't get utilized in the house/apartment often and sitting up straight.  If you're like me, grab that glass of wine, tea or coffee and really get into the novel and set a reading mood.  I don't advise drinking red wine because it's usually bitter and will make you sleepy quick!  I always fix me a light snack to enjoy in my reading spot as well.  Who wants to be hungry while reading?  The snack is in reaching distance and you can enjoy the reading selection better if the atmosphere is set before you open the book or click on the eBooks.  Don't read 10 minutes before bedtime or right after you wake up in the morning.  Allow enough time to pass so that you aren't positioning yourself to fall asleep quickly, reading.

3.) STOP READING BOOKS YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE INTERESTED IN

If you like fictional novels like me, why would you be reading informational books on how to be tech savy? Sure, sometimes we need to read alternative books at times for something in particular that we need to learn more of.  But on your book shelf, the books should reflect your reading genres of interest.  

4.) TO HAVE MUSIC OR NOT TO HAVE MUSIC? THAT IS THE QUESTION.....

I personally don't read well with music playing unless it's instrumental.  I don't advise playing music because it can be a distraction if your favorite song plays and you get crunk and distracted from your reading.  Or that sad love song that reminds you of that could've, would've, should've, ex comes on, it's a wrap on reading after that song.  You'll get emotional probably and forget what's going on in the book.  I'll let you be the judge of that some people comprehend reading well with music playing in the background.


5.)  BECOME BFF'S WITH "DICTIONARY.COM" OR "DEFINE" FOR E-BOOKS

When you don't understand a word as you read, pause and look it up.  It helps you understand what you're reading and it only takes a few seconds to do.  e-Books are great because you can highlight the word you want defined and type notes inside the book.  For paperback book readers, highlight and write it in the book.  If you are reading and don't understand a word it can throw your comprehension off for awhile in a book.

6.) NO SPEED READING .... COMPREHEND WHAT YOU'RE READING

It takes me one to two days to read a book on average.  I have kids, school, work, social life, etc but I make time throughout my day to READ.  I don't speed read and at the end can't tell you nothing about the book I just read.  Instead, I take my time, reread certain sections for more clarity if I feel like I missed something and if I can't implement steps 1-5 above, I just wait until there's a better time to read.

7.) IT SHOULD NOT TAKE YOU ONE YEAR TO READ ONE BOOK

If this is you, reread steps 1-6...LOL.  Seriously, how do you expect to enjoy a book if you only pick it up every three months to read or because the cover is HAUTE ladies, it looks good on the dining room table or on the stand in the bathroom for those times spent in there.  If you do the aforementioned, it's hard to remember what you read last in the book, which frustrates you and you put that book down for another three months....shame on you!

8.) BOOK CLUBS ARE AWESOME

Book clubs are awesome to join.  It keeps you engaged with the novel as well as getting other perspectives from other readers who are also reading the book.  Most books have discussion questions at the end (which are usually great by the way) to start your own book club and a template to open up discussions on your social media sites.  I always post what books I'm currently reading, quotes or passages that stick out to me while reading and always give a S/O (shout out) to the author.

9.)  SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR(S)

Once you find out what genre(s) you enjoy, you'll soon find out who books you enjoy.  I always read books by the following authors:

Bishop T.D. Jakes
Joyce Meyer
Jodi Picoult
Pearl Cleage
Kimberla Lawson Roby
Mary Monroe *my favorite fictional author*
Alice Walker
Michele Andrea Bowen
Hill Harper

There are plenty more but those authors are my top favorite.  When I can, I go to their book signings, pre-order their books, if my money is funny, I'll check their books out at the library.  Whatever it takes, I support the products (books/authors) I love and enjoy.  I'll never forget the day my idle, Joyce Meyer followed me on twitter and either her or her rep, interacts with me all the time via Twitter as well as Kimberla Lawson Roby.  Authors are people too and they enjoy when readers post or help promote their books.

10.)  LIKE NIKE, JUST DO IT!!!!!

If you want to read more, READ MORE.  Reading takes an amount of time and discipline out of your day.  If you follow these small adjustments and tips, I promise your reading experience will be much better than ever before.




Let me know how these tips have helped you and please feel free to post a comment to share other helpful tips you have found for readers.

Keys to the Bottom Line Series Part 5: Acts of Kindness

How much better, would the world be if we all were kind towards each other?  I was recently visiting a Subway establishment when this guy went straight to the register and ordered some cookies.  There were plenty of other customers waiting in line to be serviced that he obviously ignored.  I was standing right behind him in the line.  The total amount of his cookies came out to $1.  He pulled out a lot of money, they were all $20 bills but he did not have a $1 bill.  He turns to me and asks me for a dollar. I could have asked him was he crazy, scolded him about cutting the line and anything else that would have prevented me from showing an act of kindness.  Instead, I gladly gave him a $1 to pay for his cookies.  He thanked me dearly, offered me his phone number so that whenever he does get a $1 bill he'd pay me back, saw me walking back to work and offered me a ride.  My blessings come from God not man.  He has blessed me with money to be a good steward over it and I love to share it and spend it responsibily.  Sure, this guy could have been happy that I gave him a $1 mixed with his flirtation by asking for my number, but I didn't dwell on his motives or actions, I knew what I was responsible for: acts of kindness.

I often go out in this huge world and look for ways that I can help put a smile on someone's face that day, help a single mother's load a little lighter throughout the holiday seasons providing her family with food and toys, I volunteer at homeless and women shelters, asking for nothing in return.  That peace that dwells inside of my heart from helping someone else, is indescribable.  If your mobilty is limited and you have access to computers or postal services, email or send encouraging quotes to people who you know are having a difficult time in life.  Imagine how you feel when you receive gifts or cards from someone.  That warm feeling inside, imagine giving that same feeling to someone else who could really use it.  Small tokens of kindness travels a long way.

I'll never forget one day I had volunteered at a shelter, I did not have food in my cabinets or refrigerator, however, I made myself available to those less fortunate than me.  At the time I was unemployed and down to my very last funds until my next payday, whenever that was gonna be.  That one act of kindness was the result of someone donating groceries for me and my family before I returned home that day.  I received a call while I was at the shelter volunteering.  I can't begin to tell you how overwhelmed I was and thankful that God placed it on someone's heart to show an act of kindness to me and my children. I haven't experienced a time where I helped someone else and did not receive a blessing in return.

I follow Russell Simmons on Twitter and although he is financially rich, to me his spirit and generosity is far greater a reward than what money can ever buy.  Russell always "tweets" motivational quotes especially about being kind towards others.  Being available to the less fortunate and realizing that success does not come from your economic status but rather that of your generosity (my words not Russell Simmons).  Here are some of his "tweets" from his @UncleRUSH Twitter account to give you an idea:

"Operate from abundance.  Give until they can't live w/out you #SuperRich"

"Service is the key to happiness.  So...Get dat ass to giving! FYI Good givers are great getters."

"Kindness shown to the poor is an act of worship - Proverbs 14:31"

"RT @DalaiLama: Kindness and a good heart are the underlying foundation for success in this life and making progress on the spiritual path."

Those are just a few examples to give you an idea of what the benefits are for acts of kindness.  

Bottom line:  Be kind to one another and help the less fortunate!

Keys to the Bottom line Part 4: Believe in Yourself

Encourage yourself daily.  Who else will?  It takes a lot of practice to believe in yourself, especially if you never have.  Find positive or inspirational quotes and tape them to places in your home that you walk pass or look at daily.  Places such as a night stand, a bathroom mirror, refrigerator, your Bible, journal or daily devotional books or anywhere that you interact with daily inside your home that gives you positive affirmations.  Read and recite those affirmations, quotes or positive words out loud so that you can HEAR them and BELIEVE them. Look in a mirror and boldly say it to yourself.  

If you've never been told you're beautiful, that ends now.  Say it to yourself.  I remember as a child and early teen years, my peers as well as adults, often told me how fine, cute, gorgeous.....you get the point, I was.  I never believed it.  I looked in the mirror and questioned their observations on my facial features.  I said, "I'm not cute, what do these people see."  I slowly began telling myself how beautiful I was even if I didn't see it.  Once I said it, I began to believe it and I began walking and talking in it.  When I stepped in a room my inner beauty has always spoken louder than my outer beauty.  I was confident at times, conceited, but overall, I never questioned what others saw in me again.

I meet women and teens all the time who not only have been physically abused, but also have been verbally abused by their partners or a family member, all of their lives.  No one has ever said anything positive to them.  These women and teens in return, treat people in their life, in that same negative manner.  What kind of difference would the world be, if we worked harder on breaking those negative, generational cycles? I see alot of this going on between mothers and daughters.  I admit, I didn't have the best relationship with my mom, mainly on my lack of engagement with her, but throughout recent years, I've gotten better at respecting her.  It starts with respect.  If you respect yourself, then it is so much easier to respect others, even in tough times.  I may not agree with some things people say to me, but I've learned how to respect people regardless.                                     

Never debate or interact with someone who doesn't respect nor value you as a person. No matter what you say, that person won't be convinced to accept you or your ideas.  At some point in our lives, we all want to feel accepted by our loved ones.  The key to the bottom line here is, to have healthy relationships in your personal life as well as in your career.  Surround yourself with positive people.  You'll be suprised at the impact you will contribute to society, once you position yourself around positive people.  

Somedays, you will be your biggest and sometimes ONLY cheerleader.  Everything you do won't get you an award, an audience, standing ovation and any other rewards that you may be looking for, for the services you provided.  I'll press a button and inform you ahead of time that, if recognition is your motive for helping others, you're in the wrong business.  

This sounds easier said than done.  I know some of you out there may be thinking this very thought.  Don't battle with your mind, lets find alternatives to unhealthy or negative thoughts.  I'm not asking you to become arrogant or cocky, I'm asking you to dig deeper inside yourself, discover yourself, acknowledge yourself, therefore, when someone else does it or says it, it won't be as a foreign language to you or possibly fall prey to someone who doesn't deserve you or your time.  I'll speak more on this in the next chapter.

Believing in yourself also requires you to have faith.  Faith is confidence or trust in a person or thing (www.dictionary.com). Why not have faith (confidence) in yourself?  Who can do that job better than you? ..... NO ONE!  Even during times that I don't see what lies ahead, I still rely on my faith. My faith has carried me far in this sometimes, cruel society.  It has definitely gotten me through those tough nights trying to accomplish my goals and build my brand:  A New Me Foundation, Inc.  With believing in yourself, you have to have faith and next, patience.

Patience is not an easy task.  Although various dictionary resources  say that the word patience is a noun, I wholeheartedly believe it is a verb. Patience requires you to have and take action.  Action in the sense that you have to do something, in order to exhibit patience. 

 

Bottom line: The city of Rome wasn't built in one day, so give yourself a break and believe in yourself and be patient with yourself.

Keys to the Bottom line Series Part 3: Networking to Help Change Lives

My absolute favorite thing to do: networking.  You'd be surprised at the diversity of partnerships one can encounter and enjoyments in life one can fulfill through the power of networking.  Somebody knows somebody, that knows somebody and so forth.  I am an advocate for networking.  I come across tons of ideas and projects for personal growth, for my foundation (A New Me Foundation, Inc.) as well as other colleagues with the power of networking which has saved us from tons of working late night hours, when we don't have to.  Fear will tell you that you don't have the money to start your own business, write a book or start a mentoring program for adolescents.  Let me assure again, that if God gave you the vision, He will make sure you and with the help of others, will carry the vision out. I'm grateful that with my first book, "God, Do I Hear Wedding Bells?", my family and church family invested in the start up costs I needed to publish the book. I assume they took part in my goal to publish a book because, some read the manuscript I had written and liked the content, others wanted to donate to a worthy cause, some knew me from when I was knee high and others just believed in my goal and simply wanted to invest in it.  There was no loans taking out, nothing but the financial support of others.  I tell this story all of the time because so many people place their dreams on a shelf inside their mind because of what they don't see in the natural or simply put, up front.  I did not have to pay one cent towards the publication of my first book.  Now, once that book was published I took half the proceeds and reordered that book (I sold out of copies fast) and the other half of the proceeds, I spent towards publishing the second book, "Women's Devotionals and Journal (copyright 2007)".  

Many of my book sales, book signings and speaking engagements came from me not being outwardly shy and taken each opportunity I'm given to make a difference in someone else's life, through networking.  No one knows what you need if you keep it in your head.  When you meet new people give key points or bullets of who you are in 30 seconds.  I'm sure you've heard of the elevator speech.  In 30 seconds, a person will have time to decide if who you will benefit them in some type of capacity for business purposes. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say maybe try this with dating new people.  Give the potential partner 30 seconds to give you a snap shot about them and determine from there, if the date should continue or chile, run away fast and avoid a date #2 with this person.  Someone please let me know how this suggestion turned out for you, for the sake of my research.  

Never network without business cards, a pen with your company's logo or something.  Those items not only make you look professional but whipping out your smartphones or tablets is too much work when a simple business card would do just fine.  Your business card and logo should be SIMPLE and the reader should see the content CLEARLY.  I know you might want to have every color in the 64 count box of crayons to place on your business cards but that in and of itself spells disaster.  You want the connection or contact person to be able to read your contact information, who you are and what it is you do without the distraction of a lot of colors or the font is too small and the person has to squint their eyes to find out what your name is.  Remember, you have 30 seconds to sell you or your brand.  Don't throw those 30 seconds away due to a busy and very distractive business card.  I've seen business cards thrown away immediately after the person who gave the card, turn their back or left on tables after I've left a meeting, training or conference.  Ladies, it is not cute nor professional to talk to someone and have to search through that gigantic Coach purse to look for your business cards.  There's no telling what all you have to go through to locate it in that purse.  My suggestion is to purchase a professional business card holder, wallet or place the business cards in an easy location inside of the purse, to get to, quickly.

  

Another great networking tool is using social medias.  Join similar groups of interest on Facebook or follow like minded people or organizations on Twitter.  It takes a second to "share" or "retweet" your ideas, events, projects or cause via social medias. People love to support others and especially for a good cause.  Everyone isn't selfish or will turn your ideas down.  You will have to sell yourself before your brand is well known or before others will market your brand for you.  Remember, take small steps by sowing seeds and continuing to water your seeds (goals/dreams/visions). If you don't believe in you, who will?  I'll also add who will invest in you if you're not confident in yourself?  Practice in a mirror using eye contact with yourself, if needed take etiquette classes (search for FREE videos on YouTube), if you were like me and had bad posture, practice sitting up straight and some of us needs practice walking upright, heads held high and marching to the beat of our own drums.  First appearance is everything!  Don't invite someone out to dinner at a fancy restaurant and you don't know the salad fork from the dinner fork.  

STOP THE PRESSES!  If this is you, "Uumm...., you know what I mean?"  

TAKE THOSE WORDS OUT OF YOUR VOCABULARY.  If you're an "Ummm" or "You know what I mean" person when you talk, record yourself talking and count how many times you say those words and begin practicing sentences without using them.  Find words in a dictionary or thesauras that accurately express what you're trying to say.  If I'm listening to you talk and you say, "You know what I mean", chances are, I really don't know or understand what you mean.  Investors won't purchase your product or promote it if they don't understand what it is you're trying to accomplish with the product.

Proper dress code:  Presentable at all times is a must.  Call ahead and get the proper dress code if need be.  I wouldn't suggest those new pair of heels that you have been dying to wear and you haven't practice walking in them yet or even worse you bought them a size too small (you knew that at the time of purchase).  Now you're distracted with the aching or pains from those expensive Jimmy Choo's or the fashionable Jessica Simpson styles.  Your appearance, could make or brake a collaboration or investment.  Networking in my opinion, is similar to job interviews.  You have to show up and market yourself or your qualities to reassure the partner who's never met you, sees you at your best and why you're the perfect person or your company is the best to collaborate with.

Allow the other person to discuss their qualities if time permits.   This can weed out a few things.  You may have thought in the beginning that this would be a great collaboration on certain projects.  But as the conversation grows, you learn either they are not the direct contact person you need to work with, possibly it's a colleague of theirs or after some time of talking and meetings, you discover that the collaboration wouldn't be beneficial for either parties at this current time.

Here's the part where that faithful calendar of yours comes in handy.  Go out in the world and meet people who are doing what you are doing.  For example, I typically meet with other entrepreneurs,  authors, single parents, etc., depending on the crowd, at various places throughout Chicago, my home or theirs, to just brainstorm, share ideas, discuss the latest trends in our businesses or we discuss the latest woes of our businesses.  You never know who knows someone who has the something that you are looking for and the better the rapport you build with people, the better your chances are to get the support you need just from networking.  

Are you an artist?  What art galleries have you visited lately?  Is there FREE to low cost events posted online that involves artist.  Go all out and start a group on Facebook targeting artist. No one will fully know you exist behind four walls on your computer all day you have to get out in this world and network.

Follow-up is the second component to networking.  Some may see it as a tedious job but I don't.  Whenever I'm out networking and I get business cards from potential partners in later endeavors, I almost always send them a follow-up email.  I introduce myself, briefly discuss key points of our conversation from the other day or night and how I enjoyed talking to them and the likes.  Now, timing is everything.  I usually do this two days after I've met the person or sat in the meeting or training with them.  Two days is long enough for that person, not to forget who you are.  I also include in the email or follow-up phone call that I would love to meet with them soon to discuss how we can partner on our upcoming projects.  Ladies and gentlemen, that is how you network.  Don't just take business cards of people to only hoard them in your purse, wallets, shoe box or fancy business card holder on your desk and never use them.  What good is that?  

Bottom line: Networking is the key to building your brand, get started TODAY!

Keys to the Bottom line Series Part 2: SPEAK OUT! Don't be Afraid!

Our communities are suffering in silence because too many people are afraid to speak out against various injustices.  We have been taught, "What goes on in this house, stays in this house."  Not teaching our children that if you are being abused, molested or pressured to do illegal activities, those are times when you need to tell someone, immediately, what's going on.  Some of our youth are growing in households where they are the parents, sadly.  Mom is out working three jobs, dad is either not in the house, in jail or worse, an alcoholic who is unaware and/or inattentive to the child needs, anyway.  This scenario could definitely be switched around as well, no offense to my male readers.  I'm aware that single fathers face the same social injustices as single mothers.  We are killing ourselves silently from not telling or speaking out and against situations that are wrong or not cute on the surface to speak about per-say.

I remember when I first disclosed what I was going through in a previous marriage.  As soon as I finished talking, the people who were in the room with me, knew already what I was going through in that toxic relationship.  They were waiting for me to realize the unhealthy situations I had exposed myself, my children, friends and family to.  You see, we walk around so prideful, trying to cover up mess when most of the time, it already shows and people are not shocked once you reveal what's or who's been hurting you. Often times, it's too late when we disclose the family secrets.  We wait until Uncle Johnny's death bed when he's asking for forgiveness for his sins as the pastor shares with the family, that Uncle Johnny won't be around much longer.  That's when we find out Uncle Johnny was beating on Aunt Sally the entire marriage and molesting cousin Susie.  See we thought cousin Susie was just strange and noticed how she never wanted to be anywhere near her dad at family functions.  You see Uncle Johnny threatened both Susie and Aunt Sally that he'd killed them if they ever told a soul.  

Let's examine this closely.  No one ever paid attention to the lack of interactions during family functions that Susie displayed or how Aunt Sally took charge of every family function.  It was her cover up because she couldn't control the family secrets in her house and that was the only area of control she had.  The family never paid attention to huge amounts of medical debts the family incurred because they had no medical insurance for cousin Susie, who had multiple panic attacks each month because she couldn't tell anyone about what her dad was doing to her.   So as you can see, what we see on the outside of people isn't really who they are on the inside or could be the outcome of what's going on behind closed doors.

SPEAK OUT, Don't be afraid!

Whenever I facilitate speaking engagements, people always want to know what they can do to help others? I always encourage them to share their testimonies of survival no matter what it is.  The more you speak out against what has hurt you in the past, the sooner the healing process can begin and you are empowering yourself, as well as others, at the same time.  There's someone out there who needs to hear your story of how you survived something or overcame an obstacle that's business related.  Somewhere, in society, someone told you, "NO!" and you are here today, as living proof that you not only accomplished the task of what the naysayer said, but you also are flourishing in the new beginnings set before you because you spoke out against the norms. It humbles me each and every time I get an email, text, inbox message on Facebook or on Twitter stating how a person heard my story and it encouraged them to share their stories with others and now, are helping others get through what they experienced.

I can never imagine what it's like to loose a child due to gun violence.  I am thankful for the parents of those fallen angels who have decided to form groups, organizations, foundations, support groups, etc. to help support others who deal with the ongoing bereavements, after the funeral.  Some of these families can't easily cope with anger or anxiety as well as others and it's a blessing to see people bond together even through tragedies.  It's something amazing to see that you're not alone in this gigantic world, someone else sees your pain and knows all about it first hand.  It's comfort to hold someone else hands that survived the same thing(s) you are experiencing currently.  

I know a person who exhibits, I would say, outstanding measures of what strength looks like, after the lives of love ones have been taken from you.  This beautiful woman to me, has so much grace and mercy towards life and whoever comes across her paths in life.  This lady and woman of God, could be bitter, angry and mad at the world for the lost of her loved ones but instead, she works diligently and DAILY to help save lives, raise awareness and educates various communities on domestic violence.  Her pain has become her testimony and she thought it not robbery to be selfish but share the lose of her loved ones lives to promote peace and to help build healthy relationships with others (my words not hers).  I've never met this woman face to face but through our divine connection, via social medias, I consider her a pillar of the community that everyone should know and respect.  Her smile is irreplaceable.  Now I'm not saying that she doesn't battle some days stricken with grief but because she loves hard, endures her strength from our God, she gets through those unbearable moments and her support system is EPIC, which I'm sure helps out a lot.

Support systems are key people in your life that will help carry you through seasons, trials and tribulations.  This same group of people will also acknowledge your accomplishments, celebrate your milestones and support your greatest endeavors along this journey of life with you.  Your support systems will be there no matter what obstacles or happiness may bring in your life and in your lives together.

Self reflection moment:  Who is your greatest support system(s)?  

I would send those people you listed a "Thank you" note in some capacity.  You always want to thank the people who helped you along the way.  We all need people in our lives at some point.  You can't do everything by yourself.  Speaking out not only helps you but it also helps others discover their purpose in life.

I was told in 2006 that I should write my story of what I've gone through with domestic violence.  At first, I wasn't confident in my writing to write a story nor get my writing published, oh and chile to have someone read it was not in my vision at all.  After all, I always kept journals and consistently wrote in them, enjoyed randomly sending handwritten note cards to parishioners to help encourage them, I always won handwriting contests in grammar school, so you see, me becoming a writer was too far fetched in my eyes....I'm being sarcastic here.  It was as if an epiphany had taken place.  At the time, all things that I've done related to writing, so of course I should write a book.  One book led to two, which led to three and here we have arrived at my four self-published books. Had not my mentor and sister in Christ not spoke out to me, because she saw gifts in me, it possibly would've taken me longer to discover the impact I have in changing lives through writing.....not to mention changing my own life as I write.  

Bottom line:  Whatever hurts you or limits your ability to progress in life, SPEAK OUT! Don't be afraid!

Keys to the Bottomline Series Part 1: AVOID BURN-OUTS

You ever wanted to do so much, for so many people and squeeze time in, to also do something nice for yourself?  Well now is the perfect time to admit it..... your answer(s) were probably YES! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with helping other people.  The key is balance and with some people, it requires balance and discipline.  I tred waters softly here.  I’ve had to learn this valuable lesson over the pass few years and even recently.  So please be aware that I’ve had first hand experiences of what is often called “burn-outs”.

According to www.dictionary.com , a burn-out is defined as a physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress. So often, we want to help everyone else out and neglect our own basic survival needs such as, maintaining good eating, exercing habits and adequate amounts of rest each night.  I get it, some of our brains work better at night, while others have completed their workloads before the sun is out shining.  We are overworked and or stress at other times because we’re afraid to tell people, “NO!” .....

I need you to practice here, how to say, “NO!”

One more time, and make sure you say it like you mean it, “NO!”

Now, I didn’t say not to be kind while saying “NO!”.  Effective communication means the world to me.  You never know who you may need to collaborate with, invest in someday or simply, an extra perk that will get you through the pearly white gates of heaven.  Don’t overwork yourself or stress yourself over things that are beyond your control or capacity to change at this appointed time. I know, sounds easier said than done.

I personally love what the good book of life, the Bible, says:  "Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich.  Be wise enough to know when to quit." (NLT)

See how simple it is to recognize ways to avoid burn-outs?  Learn when to quit!  We've been taught so much, never to quit.  In some instances yes, but NEVER to the point where you are exhausted or what you're doing is becoming a health issue to you and/or the clients you serve.  Keep in mind, you have to practice what you preach as cliche as it sounds.  I remember the deciding factors of me going around, motivating victims of domestic violence and educating communities, was the fact that I was in a healthier place in life.  I couldn't advise a woman to leave her unhealthy relationship if I was still in one.  It just doesn't work that way unfortunately.  Most people learn by what you do, rather than what you say.  I pride myself on my work ethics especially in the domestic violence field.  It takes courage to reveal the most intimate parts of someones life, to the public.  Not everyone will understand your journey or calling.  Everyone won't support every idea or endeavor you embark on.  That's ok.  If God gave you the vision, He will provide the people or the person to help you carry it out.  Sometimes God needs you to step out of your comfort zone(s) away from the people that would usually say "Yes" to everything that involves you.  He'd rather have you collaborate on a project whose business is struggling and could use a little bit of your help.  

Speaking of collaborations, you can avoid burn-outs by sharing responsibilities with your colleagues or partners.  Don't try to do everything and be in charge of everything.  Stay in your lane.  If you are not the best grant writer, give that task to the person or persons who are better at it than you.  In some cases and if funds are available, hire the experts that's needed.  You'd be surprised at how much the heavy loads you'd be relieved of if you delegate certain tasks to other people.

Still feel burned out?  Try taking some time to just relax and do absolutely NOTHING! Remove yourself from the project or people that are causing you stress or that are involved directly with the project.  No one wants to talk about business when you're trying to RELAX. Take a walk, sing in the shower (off key if you must, we get the point), my favorite: read a book, take a walk to your local Starbucks and get whatever brewed coffee or pastry that puts a smile on your face, paint, listen to soothing music or a Michael Jackson song, the King of Pop music will never stir you wrong, go out side & take pictures of nature.  These smartphones have plenty of cool apps  that can help us overcome stress and prevent us from  being burned out.  My favorite app on my i-Devices as I like to call them, is the app called Serenity, did I mention it's FREE.  You don't have to go bankrupt in your iTunes account any longer to enjoy the finer things in life: peace, quiet and the melodic sounds of nature.

Being an advocate of domestic violence is no easy task.  You are balancing the stress associated within your personal life and at times you endure the crisis of the clients you serve.  Some days, I just enjoy being  Felicia.  Felicia is very quiet and shy in her own skin but can also be very outspoken and interacts with others as well.  Networking is one of my specialities.  So you’re probably wondering, how is Felicia shy, but loves networking?  Here’s the answer, I don’t stress or get burned out over my fears nor accomplishments.  I create positive and fun-filled environments to enjoy doing whatever job or project I’m involved in.  I had to learn this technique the hard way, in college when I was introduced to a panic attack for overworking myself.  Never, I repeat, NEVER again. You're no good to others, if you're not healthy.  

Single parents, I hear your silent cries.  With your work schedules and balancing kids, that could be very hard to do.  As hard as it is, we must take care of ourselves, FIRST.  Your children will appreciate that.  Take moments out of your day to just BREATHE.  Pace yourself.  Set schedules, playdates, family outings, etc. on a calendar (preferably a Google, iCloud or Outlook calendar) in advance so that you can visually see what your days, weeks and/or month is going like a head of time.  I have an iPhone 4 and iPad, so my calendars are synced to both of my devices and no matter where I am and before I book ANYTHING...... I check my calendars.  

If you're a college student, you know the words syllabus and deadline goes hand in hand.  If you look at what's due on your syllabus then it should be updated in your calendars.  For term papers, create check point days in your calendars.  For example, if you have a week to complete a five page paper,don't wait til day four to start on it.  If at all possible, as soon as you get the assignment, post the due date and time in your calendar.  Next, post check points and times to complete the body of the paper such as when you will create your summary, outline, conclusions.  Each body of the work requires a different amount of time.  So be careful of scheduling too much in one night.  Tell your friends and colleagues that they're gonna have to go to happy hour without you, you have a paper that's due.  This is where saying, "NO!" comes in handy.  Remember what we talked about?  Practice again saying "NO!" here if you need to.

Bottom line: Make your calendars your NEW bff's and avoid burn-outs while accomplishing your dreams and goals while serving others.

TWO PART SURVIVOR INTERVIEW w/ CRYSTAL IRIS

At A New Me Foundation, Inc., we are so thankful for the beautiful "Crystal Iris" spirit and how she jumped on board to share her testimonies as a survivor of domestic violence and rape, in hopes to help others.  We encourage our readers to break their silence and heal from reading the testimonies of hers.  Be mindful it is not an easy journey to recall traumatic situations from our past, but we are thankful to SURVIVORS like "Crystal Iris" who share with us the most intimate parts of her past.  God bless you as you read this interview and please feel free to share it with others.  Given the sensitivity and nature of the topics disclosed in this interview, if you would like to post or share your testimony privately, please email me (Felicia T. Simpson) at anewmef@gmail.com for further discussion and resources towards healing.



Domestic Violence Interview Questions:

1.) Briefly give us some background information on who Crystal is.

Hmmmm...I am the oldest of 3 children, raised in a two parent home. I graduated from National-Louis University in 2011. I’ve experienced a bunch of difficult life challenges at a young age such as domestic violence, rape, molestation and bad relationships that could have ruined me. Thankfully, I am now a life coach, motivational speaker, founder of Hey G.U.R.A.L and a few months away from completing my MBA degree from Concordia University. I love spending time with family and friends. I love traveling and anything that gives me an adrenaline rush! I live life with excitement and positivity to the best of my ability.

2.) Describe for us what you went through as a victim of domestic violence at a young age of 17 up until your last domestic violence relationship at the age of 22.

17 I was so in love with a guy I had been friends with since sophomore year of high school. It was my first time in the dating ring and everything was perfect for about a year. It became bad when I was getting ready to go away for college. I was being isolated from family and friends by making me feel guilty for wanting to be with them. I couldn’t have male friends that he didn’t know. He would bite, grab my mouth, pinch, just silly things to make me angry or start arguments to frustrate me, questioned me about social media friends, call family members when I didn’t answer the phone. We eventually broke up and got back together about a year and a half later to two years when I left school and went back home. The second time we dated was worst than the first time we dated. We constantly argued, the leg hits, bites and pinches became worst. The turning point was a public altercation in my school’s parking lot because he accused me of cheating. I ended up with bruises and scratches on my arms and around my face because he grabbed me so hard when I tried to get away to go to class.

At the age of 22 I was in a relationship with a guy who was at this point the best boyfriend I had. He was great for the majority of the time but he was very emotional. He would go from being extremely sad and throwing tantrums, all types of emotional fits for little issues. At this point I was pretty tough emotionally, having gone through several emotionally trying relationships so I had a lot of patience with him because I thought maybe I wasn’t sensitive enough (lol). One day he had made such a big deal out of nothing that I became irritated. He wanted me to tell him how I felt about him, but I couldn’t give him the “correct” answer according to him because I was already irritated so I had just stopped talking about it and pretty much ignoring him because the conversation was going no where. I asked for him to take me home. He wanted me to repeat myself, and as I attempted to repeat myself he slapped me. I couldn’t believe it because he was so soft. I didn’t see him ever doing that to me. I was so shocked I couldn’t do anything but get out of the car and walk home as fast as I could with him following behind me. I just had to get home because I knew if I had touched him, my rage would have taken over. (View the full 3 Part Story at www.heyGURALonline.com/blog)

3.) Being a survivor of domestic violence, tell our viewers some warning signs if any, that you saw in the beginning of those relationships.

Some of the warning signs were isolation from family and friends by making me feel guilty about spending time with them and not enough time with him. Control, keeping tabs of the money I spent, jealousy, wanting access to all social media outlets, searching through cell phone, questioning my friends (especially male friends), down-playing my career goals, being manipulative, play fighting, pinching in places that hurt and telling me that it doesn’t hurt, emotional fits, throwing tantrums, sad and angry, just way too emotional.

4.) Do you feel that teen and young adult dating violence is not serious to the youth in today's society? Why or why not?

It is serious to the population of young adults who are educated about dating violence. Those who are not educated about dating violence, or those who have witnessed dating violence in the home do not have a sense of caution in their relationships because they are confused about what love is.

Facts regarding sexual assault/rape:

*Every 2 minutes, someone in the US is sexually assaulted

* 1 in 4 girls will be sexually assaulted by the age of 18

* 1 in 6 women have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime

*Sexual assault is one of the most under reported crimes in, with 60% still being left unreported

* National Sexual Assault Hotline is (800) 656- 4673 they provide resources for rape, abuse and incest cases.

Sexual Assault/Rape Interview Questions:

1.) At the age of 19, tell us what happened the night you were raped.

I went to my former university to visit my friends and boyfriend at the time for a campus party. We were at my boyfriend’s house pre-gaming before the start of the party. I do not remember drinking that much because I was a new drinker but whatever the case was we left and went over to the campus party. By the time we got there I was so intoxicated that I could barely walk. I found a corner to sit in until my friends found me. We left, I remember us going to McDonald’s drive-thru because they thought if I ate I would feel better, but that didn’t work. We made it back to the house where we pre-gamed (because my boyfriend lived there) and I couldn’t hold the burger they bought. I was extremely weak, emotional, I could barely see. I remember my friends and boyfriend carrying me down to his room so that I could lay down. I remember puking and him hitting me upside my head because of it. That’s all I remember until I woke up with him anally raping me. I tried screaming, but the music was loud, I remember trying to fight but I was too weak. Then he forced me to do other “favors” he would ask about but always declined...he completely took advantage of the opportunity. The next morning he said, “You did it” and all I could say was, “Does that mean I ate shit?” I put my clothes on, went to say bye to my friends and drove home as if nothing happened.

2.) Have you forgiven him? Why or why not?

You know what? I thought I forgave him, but No I do not forgive him and I don’t think that’s my responsibility to do so. Am I bitter? Not at all and in all honesty I wish him no harm and I pray that God forgives him and has mercy on him. Every time I’m in a familiar situation I have a trigger that causes a reaction. I cannot be in secluded areas, I hate to feel trapped, I don’t like parties with a bunch of people who I do not know because I become paranoid. I don’t sleep very well at night and when I speak about it I get pissed off all over again. No, I do not forgive him. The way that I found enough peace from the situation to move forward and not be bitter was to forgive myself. I had to forgive myself for ever thinking it was my fault that I was assaulted and forgive myself for “loving” him so much that I forgot what love for self was.

3.) At that time, did you ever think it was your fault?

Yes, I did. For years I thought it was my fault and that was the reason I said nothing about it until years later.

4.) What was your emotional support system like?

Secretly, my mother’s voice was the only emotional support I had. I suffered in silence so no one knew about the violation but me for a long while. I was home for the semester and although she didn’t know what was going on she comforted me. Also, being back in the home environment and keeping my vision of success in the forefront of my mind is what kept me sane and focused on becoming more than a victim, a survivor.

5.) Today, what could you tell someone who has been raped by a lover, friend or stranger to help them heal from the past just as you did?

I don’t consider myself healed yet, but I am healing. That is something that I am working towards but I don’t think we could ever fully heal from a situation because our story is something that stays with us. Life experiences give us record keeping lessons to carry with us throughout our lives to prevent situations from happening again, to us and others as well. If I could give any advice to someone in the same situation it would be to know that your story is not your own. We have to keep living because we were meant to live! Speak LIFE into your life, stay positive and know that there is better coming. God doesn’t make any mistakes. Use the experience as a lesson because there is a purpose to everything. We may not know the purpose or understand such a horrible act, but soon enough it will be revealed and that experience will simply be a story for you to share and to use to help support someone else in the same situation. I encourage to seek a support system, know that it was never your fault and don’t be afraid to speak out about it. I believe that speaking out is what helps me accept the circumstance because it gives a platform for others to feel comfortable with speaking to me about their situations. It really comes down to supporting each other.

6.) How as a community, can we break the silence of domestic violence, rape, sexual assaults and incest?

As a community we need to educate, collaborate and initiate. There is so much of this going on and so many who are suffering in silence that we have to come together in big numbers to make a difference. We can start campaigns, go out and speak to the youth and adults about the issue and make a difference that way but we have to make a BIG impact so it will take collaborations of different organizations.

7.) Please give our readers ways to get in contact with Crystal Iris and Hey G.U.R.A.L.

For Hey GURAL you can reach me personally by phone at 708-928-9890, you can email Hey GURAL at heyguralz@aol.com, visit our website www.heyGURALonline.com, Like the Facebook Pages Hey G.U.R.A.L NMC and Crystal Iris, CPC, Twitter @HeyGURAL and @Crystalirislife