Keys to the Bottom Line Series Part 5: Acts of Kindness

How much better, would the world be if we all were kind towards each other?  I was recently visiting a Subway establishment when this guy went straight to the register and ordered some cookies.  There were plenty of other customers waiting in line to be serviced that he obviously ignored.  I was standing right behind him in the line.  The total amount of his cookies came out to $1.  He pulled out a lot of money, they were all $20 bills but he did not have a $1 bill.  He turns to me and asks me for a dollar. I could have asked him was he crazy, scolded him about cutting the line and anything else that would have prevented me from showing an act of kindness.  Instead, I gladly gave him a $1 to pay for his cookies.  He thanked me dearly, offered me his phone number so that whenever he does get a $1 bill he'd pay me back, saw me walking back to work and offered me a ride.  My blessings come from God not man.  He has blessed me with money to be a good steward over it and I love to share it and spend it responsibily.  Sure, this guy could have been happy that I gave him a $1 mixed with his flirtation by asking for my number, but I didn't dwell on his motives or actions, I knew what I was responsible for: acts of kindness.

I often go out in this huge world and look for ways that I can help put a smile on someone's face that day, help a single mother's load a little lighter throughout the holiday seasons providing her family with food and toys, I volunteer at homeless and women shelters, asking for nothing in return.  That peace that dwells inside of my heart from helping someone else, is indescribable.  If your mobilty is limited and you have access to computers or postal services, email or send encouraging quotes to people who you know are having a difficult time in life.  Imagine how you feel when you receive gifts or cards from someone.  That warm feeling inside, imagine giving that same feeling to someone else who could really use it.  Small tokens of kindness travels a long way.

I'll never forget one day I had volunteered at a shelter, I did not have food in my cabinets or refrigerator, however, I made myself available to those less fortunate than me.  At the time I was unemployed and down to my very last funds until my next payday, whenever that was gonna be.  That one act of kindness was the result of someone donating groceries for me and my family before I returned home that day.  I received a call while I was at the shelter volunteering.  I can't begin to tell you how overwhelmed I was and thankful that God placed it on someone's heart to show an act of kindness to me and my children. I haven't experienced a time where I helped someone else and did not receive a blessing in return.

I follow Russell Simmons on Twitter and although he is financially rich, to me his spirit and generosity is far greater a reward than what money can ever buy.  Russell always "tweets" motivational quotes especially about being kind towards others.  Being available to the less fortunate and realizing that success does not come from your economic status but rather that of your generosity (my words not Russell Simmons).  Here are some of his "tweets" from his @UncleRUSH Twitter account to give you an idea:

"Operate from abundance.  Give until they can't live w/out you #SuperRich"

"Service is the key to happiness.  So...Get dat ass to giving! FYI Good givers are great getters."

"Kindness shown to the poor is an act of worship - Proverbs 14:31"

"RT @DalaiLama: Kindness and a good heart are the underlying foundation for success in this life and making progress on the spiritual path."

Those are just a few examples to give you an idea of what the benefits are for acts of kindness.  

Bottom line:  Be kind to one another and help the less fortunate!

Keys to the Bottom line Part 4: Believe in Yourself

Encourage yourself daily.  Who else will?  It takes a lot of practice to believe in yourself, especially if you never have.  Find positive or inspirational quotes and tape them to places in your home that you walk pass or look at daily.  Places such as a night stand, a bathroom mirror, refrigerator, your Bible, journal or daily devotional books or anywhere that you interact with daily inside your home that gives you positive affirmations.  Read and recite those affirmations, quotes or positive words out loud so that you can HEAR them and BELIEVE them. Look in a mirror and boldly say it to yourself.  

If you've never been told you're beautiful, that ends now.  Say it to yourself.  I remember as a child and early teen years, my peers as well as adults, often told me how fine, cute, gorgeous.....you get the point, I was.  I never believed it.  I looked in the mirror and questioned their observations on my facial features.  I said, "I'm not cute, what do these people see."  I slowly began telling myself how beautiful I was even if I didn't see it.  Once I said it, I began to believe it and I began walking and talking in it.  When I stepped in a room my inner beauty has always spoken louder than my outer beauty.  I was confident at times, conceited, but overall, I never questioned what others saw in me again.

I meet women and teens all the time who not only have been physically abused, but also have been verbally abused by their partners or a family member, all of their lives.  No one has ever said anything positive to them.  These women and teens in return, treat people in their life, in that same negative manner.  What kind of difference would the world be, if we worked harder on breaking those negative, generational cycles? I see alot of this going on between mothers and daughters.  I admit, I didn't have the best relationship with my mom, mainly on my lack of engagement with her, but throughout recent years, I've gotten better at respecting her.  It starts with respect.  If you respect yourself, then it is so much easier to respect others, even in tough times.  I may not agree with some things people say to me, but I've learned how to respect people regardless.                                     

Never debate or interact with someone who doesn't respect nor value you as a person. No matter what you say, that person won't be convinced to accept you or your ideas.  At some point in our lives, we all want to feel accepted by our loved ones.  The key to the bottom line here is, to have healthy relationships in your personal life as well as in your career.  Surround yourself with positive people.  You'll be suprised at the impact you will contribute to society, once you position yourself around positive people.  

Somedays, you will be your biggest and sometimes ONLY cheerleader.  Everything you do won't get you an award, an audience, standing ovation and any other rewards that you may be looking for, for the services you provided.  I'll press a button and inform you ahead of time that, if recognition is your motive for helping others, you're in the wrong business.  

This sounds easier said than done.  I know some of you out there may be thinking this very thought.  Don't battle with your mind, lets find alternatives to unhealthy or negative thoughts.  I'm not asking you to become arrogant or cocky, I'm asking you to dig deeper inside yourself, discover yourself, acknowledge yourself, therefore, when someone else does it or says it, it won't be as a foreign language to you or possibly fall prey to someone who doesn't deserve you or your time.  I'll speak more on this in the next chapter.

Believing in yourself also requires you to have faith.  Faith is confidence or trust in a person or thing (www.dictionary.com). Why not have faith (confidence) in yourself?  Who can do that job better than you? ..... NO ONE!  Even during times that I don't see what lies ahead, I still rely on my faith. My faith has carried me far in this sometimes, cruel society.  It has definitely gotten me through those tough nights trying to accomplish my goals and build my brand:  A New Me Foundation, Inc.  With believing in yourself, you have to have faith and next, patience.

Patience is not an easy task.  Although various dictionary resources  say that the word patience is a noun, I wholeheartedly believe it is a verb. Patience requires you to have and take action.  Action in the sense that you have to do something, in order to exhibit patience. 

 

Bottom line: The city of Rome wasn't built in one day, so give yourself a break and believe in yourself and be patient with yourself.

Keys to the Bottom line Series Part 3: Networking to Help Change Lives

My absolute favorite thing to do: networking.  You'd be surprised at the diversity of partnerships one can encounter and enjoyments in life one can fulfill through the power of networking.  Somebody knows somebody, that knows somebody and so forth.  I am an advocate for networking.  I come across tons of ideas and projects for personal growth, for my foundation (A New Me Foundation, Inc.) as well as other colleagues with the power of networking which has saved us from tons of working late night hours, when we don't have to.  Fear will tell you that you don't have the money to start your own business, write a book or start a mentoring program for adolescents.  Let me assure again, that if God gave you the vision, He will make sure you and with the help of others, will carry the vision out. I'm grateful that with my first book, "God, Do I Hear Wedding Bells?", my family and church family invested in the start up costs I needed to publish the book. I assume they took part in my goal to publish a book because, some read the manuscript I had written and liked the content, others wanted to donate to a worthy cause, some knew me from when I was knee high and others just believed in my goal and simply wanted to invest in it.  There was no loans taking out, nothing but the financial support of others.  I tell this story all of the time because so many people place their dreams on a shelf inside their mind because of what they don't see in the natural or simply put, up front.  I did not have to pay one cent towards the publication of my first book.  Now, once that book was published I took half the proceeds and reordered that book (I sold out of copies fast) and the other half of the proceeds, I spent towards publishing the second book, "Women's Devotionals and Journal (copyright 2007)".  

Many of my book sales, book signings and speaking engagements came from me not being outwardly shy and taken each opportunity I'm given to make a difference in someone else's life, through networking.  No one knows what you need if you keep it in your head.  When you meet new people give key points or bullets of who you are in 30 seconds.  I'm sure you've heard of the elevator speech.  In 30 seconds, a person will have time to decide if who you will benefit them in some type of capacity for business purposes. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say maybe try this with dating new people.  Give the potential partner 30 seconds to give you a snap shot about them and determine from there, if the date should continue or chile, run away fast and avoid a date #2 with this person.  Someone please let me know how this suggestion turned out for you, for the sake of my research.  

Never network without business cards, a pen with your company's logo or something.  Those items not only make you look professional but whipping out your smartphones or tablets is too much work when a simple business card would do just fine.  Your business card and logo should be SIMPLE and the reader should see the content CLEARLY.  I know you might want to have every color in the 64 count box of crayons to place on your business cards but that in and of itself spells disaster.  You want the connection or contact person to be able to read your contact information, who you are and what it is you do without the distraction of a lot of colors or the font is too small and the person has to squint their eyes to find out what your name is.  Remember, you have 30 seconds to sell you or your brand.  Don't throw those 30 seconds away due to a busy and very distractive business card.  I've seen business cards thrown away immediately after the person who gave the card, turn their back or left on tables after I've left a meeting, training or conference.  Ladies, it is not cute nor professional to talk to someone and have to search through that gigantic Coach purse to look for your business cards.  There's no telling what all you have to go through to locate it in that purse.  My suggestion is to purchase a professional business card holder, wallet or place the business cards in an easy location inside of the purse, to get to, quickly.

  

Another great networking tool is using social medias.  Join similar groups of interest on Facebook or follow like minded people or organizations on Twitter.  It takes a second to "share" or "retweet" your ideas, events, projects or cause via social medias. People love to support others and especially for a good cause.  Everyone isn't selfish or will turn your ideas down.  You will have to sell yourself before your brand is well known or before others will market your brand for you.  Remember, take small steps by sowing seeds and continuing to water your seeds (goals/dreams/visions). If you don't believe in you, who will?  I'll also add who will invest in you if you're not confident in yourself?  Practice in a mirror using eye contact with yourself, if needed take etiquette classes (search for FREE videos on YouTube), if you were like me and had bad posture, practice sitting up straight and some of us needs practice walking upright, heads held high and marching to the beat of our own drums.  First appearance is everything!  Don't invite someone out to dinner at a fancy restaurant and you don't know the salad fork from the dinner fork.  

STOP THE PRESSES!  If this is you, "Uumm...., you know what I mean?"  

TAKE THOSE WORDS OUT OF YOUR VOCABULARY.  If you're an "Ummm" or "You know what I mean" person when you talk, record yourself talking and count how many times you say those words and begin practicing sentences without using them.  Find words in a dictionary or thesauras that accurately express what you're trying to say.  If I'm listening to you talk and you say, "You know what I mean", chances are, I really don't know or understand what you mean.  Investors won't purchase your product or promote it if they don't understand what it is you're trying to accomplish with the product.

Proper dress code:  Presentable at all times is a must.  Call ahead and get the proper dress code if need be.  I wouldn't suggest those new pair of heels that you have been dying to wear and you haven't practice walking in them yet or even worse you bought them a size too small (you knew that at the time of purchase).  Now you're distracted with the aching or pains from those expensive Jimmy Choo's or the fashionable Jessica Simpson styles.  Your appearance, could make or brake a collaboration or investment.  Networking in my opinion, is similar to job interviews.  You have to show up and market yourself or your qualities to reassure the partner who's never met you, sees you at your best and why you're the perfect person or your company is the best to collaborate with.

Allow the other person to discuss their qualities if time permits.   This can weed out a few things.  You may have thought in the beginning that this would be a great collaboration on certain projects.  But as the conversation grows, you learn either they are not the direct contact person you need to work with, possibly it's a colleague of theirs or after some time of talking and meetings, you discover that the collaboration wouldn't be beneficial for either parties at this current time.

Here's the part where that faithful calendar of yours comes in handy.  Go out in the world and meet people who are doing what you are doing.  For example, I typically meet with other entrepreneurs,  authors, single parents, etc., depending on the crowd, at various places throughout Chicago, my home or theirs, to just brainstorm, share ideas, discuss the latest trends in our businesses or we discuss the latest woes of our businesses.  You never know who knows someone who has the something that you are looking for and the better the rapport you build with people, the better your chances are to get the support you need just from networking.  

Are you an artist?  What art galleries have you visited lately?  Is there FREE to low cost events posted online that involves artist.  Go all out and start a group on Facebook targeting artist. No one will fully know you exist behind four walls on your computer all day you have to get out in this world and network.

Follow-up is the second component to networking.  Some may see it as a tedious job but I don't.  Whenever I'm out networking and I get business cards from potential partners in later endeavors, I almost always send them a follow-up email.  I introduce myself, briefly discuss key points of our conversation from the other day or night and how I enjoyed talking to them and the likes.  Now, timing is everything.  I usually do this two days after I've met the person or sat in the meeting or training with them.  Two days is long enough for that person, not to forget who you are.  I also include in the email or follow-up phone call that I would love to meet with them soon to discuss how we can partner on our upcoming projects.  Ladies and gentlemen, that is how you network.  Don't just take business cards of people to only hoard them in your purse, wallets, shoe box or fancy business card holder on your desk and never use them.  What good is that?  

Bottom line: Networking is the key to building your brand, get started TODAY!

Keys to the Bottom line Series Part 2: SPEAK OUT! Don't be Afraid!

Our communities are suffering in silence because too many people are afraid to speak out against various injustices.  We have been taught, "What goes on in this house, stays in this house."  Not teaching our children that if you are being abused, molested or pressured to do illegal activities, those are times when you need to tell someone, immediately, what's going on.  Some of our youth are growing in households where they are the parents, sadly.  Mom is out working three jobs, dad is either not in the house, in jail or worse, an alcoholic who is unaware and/or inattentive to the child needs, anyway.  This scenario could definitely be switched around as well, no offense to my male readers.  I'm aware that single fathers face the same social injustices as single mothers.  We are killing ourselves silently from not telling or speaking out and against situations that are wrong or not cute on the surface to speak about per-say.

I remember when I first disclosed what I was going through in a previous marriage.  As soon as I finished talking, the people who were in the room with me, knew already what I was going through in that toxic relationship.  They were waiting for me to realize the unhealthy situations I had exposed myself, my children, friends and family to.  You see, we walk around so prideful, trying to cover up mess when most of the time, it already shows and people are not shocked once you reveal what's or who's been hurting you. Often times, it's too late when we disclose the family secrets.  We wait until Uncle Johnny's death bed when he's asking for forgiveness for his sins as the pastor shares with the family, that Uncle Johnny won't be around much longer.  That's when we find out Uncle Johnny was beating on Aunt Sally the entire marriage and molesting cousin Susie.  See we thought cousin Susie was just strange and noticed how she never wanted to be anywhere near her dad at family functions.  You see Uncle Johnny threatened both Susie and Aunt Sally that he'd killed them if they ever told a soul.  

Let's examine this closely.  No one ever paid attention to the lack of interactions during family functions that Susie displayed or how Aunt Sally took charge of every family function.  It was her cover up because she couldn't control the family secrets in her house and that was the only area of control she had.  The family never paid attention to huge amounts of medical debts the family incurred because they had no medical insurance for cousin Susie, who had multiple panic attacks each month because she couldn't tell anyone about what her dad was doing to her.   So as you can see, what we see on the outside of people isn't really who they are on the inside or could be the outcome of what's going on behind closed doors.

SPEAK OUT, Don't be afraid!

Whenever I facilitate speaking engagements, people always want to know what they can do to help others? I always encourage them to share their testimonies of survival no matter what it is.  The more you speak out against what has hurt you in the past, the sooner the healing process can begin and you are empowering yourself, as well as others, at the same time.  There's someone out there who needs to hear your story of how you survived something or overcame an obstacle that's business related.  Somewhere, in society, someone told you, "NO!" and you are here today, as living proof that you not only accomplished the task of what the naysayer said, but you also are flourishing in the new beginnings set before you because you spoke out against the norms. It humbles me each and every time I get an email, text, inbox message on Facebook or on Twitter stating how a person heard my story and it encouraged them to share their stories with others and now, are helping others get through what they experienced.

I can never imagine what it's like to loose a child due to gun violence.  I am thankful for the parents of those fallen angels who have decided to form groups, organizations, foundations, support groups, etc. to help support others who deal with the ongoing bereavements, after the funeral.  Some of these families can't easily cope with anger or anxiety as well as others and it's a blessing to see people bond together even through tragedies.  It's something amazing to see that you're not alone in this gigantic world, someone else sees your pain and knows all about it first hand.  It's comfort to hold someone else hands that survived the same thing(s) you are experiencing currently.  

I know a person who exhibits, I would say, outstanding measures of what strength looks like, after the lives of love ones have been taken from you.  This beautiful woman to me, has so much grace and mercy towards life and whoever comes across her paths in life.  This lady and woman of God, could be bitter, angry and mad at the world for the lost of her loved ones but instead, she works diligently and DAILY to help save lives, raise awareness and educates various communities on domestic violence.  Her pain has become her testimony and she thought it not robbery to be selfish but share the lose of her loved ones lives to promote peace and to help build healthy relationships with others (my words not hers).  I've never met this woman face to face but through our divine connection, via social medias, I consider her a pillar of the community that everyone should know and respect.  Her smile is irreplaceable.  Now I'm not saying that she doesn't battle some days stricken with grief but because she loves hard, endures her strength from our God, she gets through those unbearable moments and her support system is EPIC, which I'm sure helps out a lot.

Support systems are key people in your life that will help carry you through seasons, trials and tribulations.  This same group of people will also acknowledge your accomplishments, celebrate your milestones and support your greatest endeavors along this journey of life with you.  Your support systems will be there no matter what obstacles or happiness may bring in your life and in your lives together.

Self reflection moment:  Who is your greatest support system(s)?  

I would send those people you listed a "Thank you" note in some capacity.  You always want to thank the people who helped you along the way.  We all need people in our lives at some point.  You can't do everything by yourself.  Speaking out not only helps you but it also helps others discover their purpose in life.

I was told in 2006 that I should write my story of what I've gone through with domestic violence.  At first, I wasn't confident in my writing to write a story nor get my writing published, oh and chile to have someone read it was not in my vision at all.  After all, I always kept journals and consistently wrote in them, enjoyed randomly sending handwritten note cards to parishioners to help encourage them, I always won handwriting contests in grammar school, so you see, me becoming a writer was too far fetched in my eyes....I'm being sarcastic here.  It was as if an epiphany had taken place.  At the time, all things that I've done related to writing, so of course I should write a book.  One book led to two, which led to three and here we have arrived at my four self-published books. Had not my mentor and sister in Christ not spoke out to me, because she saw gifts in me, it possibly would've taken me longer to discover the impact I have in changing lives through writing.....not to mention changing my own life as I write.  

Bottom line:  Whatever hurts you or limits your ability to progress in life, SPEAK OUT! Don't be afraid!

Keys to the Bottomline Series Part 1: AVOID BURN-OUTS

You ever wanted to do so much, for so many people and squeeze time in, to also do something nice for yourself?  Well now is the perfect time to admit it..... your answer(s) were probably YES! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with helping other people.  The key is balance and with some people, it requires balance and discipline.  I tred waters softly here.  I’ve had to learn this valuable lesson over the pass few years and even recently.  So please be aware that I’ve had first hand experiences of what is often called “burn-outs”.

According to www.dictionary.com , a burn-out is defined as a physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress. So often, we want to help everyone else out and neglect our own basic survival needs such as, maintaining good eating, exercing habits and adequate amounts of rest each night.  I get it, some of our brains work better at night, while others have completed their workloads before the sun is out shining.  We are overworked and or stress at other times because we’re afraid to tell people, “NO!” .....

I need you to practice here, how to say, “NO!”

One more time, and make sure you say it like you mean it, “NO!”

Now, I didn’t say not to be kind while saying “NO!”.  Effective communication means the world to me.  You never know who you may need to collaborate with, invest in someday or simply, an extra perk that will get you through the pearly white gates of heaven.  Don’t overwork yourself or stress yourself over things that are beyond your control or capacity to change at this appointed time. I know, sounds easier said than done.

I personally love what the good book of life, the Bible, says:  "Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich.  Be wise enough to know when to quit." (NLT)

See how simple it is to recognize ways to avoid burn-outs?  Learn when to quit!  We've been taught so much, never to quit.  In some instances yes, but NEVER to the point where you are exhausted or what you're doing is becoming a health issue to you and/or the clients you serve.  Keep in mind, you have to practice what you preach as cliche as it sounds.  I remember the deciding factors of me going around, motivating victims of domestic violence and educating communities, was the fact that I was in a healthier place in life.  I couldn't advise a woman to leave her unhealthy relationship if I was still in one.  It just doesn't work that way unfortunately.  Most people learn by what you do, rather than what you say.  I pride myself on my work ethics especially in the domestic violence field.  It takes courage to reveal the most intimate parts of someones life, to the public.  Not everyone will understand your journey or calling.  Everyone won't support every idea or endeavor you embark on.  That's ok.  If God gave you the vision, He will provide the people or the person to help you carry it out.  Sometimes God needs you to step out of your comfort zone(s) away from the people that would usually say "Yes" to everything that involves you.  He'd rather have you collaborate on a project whose business is struggling and could use a little bit of your help.  

Speaking of collaborations, you can avoid burn-outs by sharing responsibilities with your colleagues or partners.  Don't try to do everything and be in charge of everything.  Stay in your lane.  If you are not the best grant writer, give that task to the person or persons who are better at it than you.  In some cases and if funds are available, hire the experts that's needed.  You'd be surprised at how much the heavy loads you'd be relieved of if you delegate certain tasks to other people.

Still feel burned out?  Try taking some time to just relax and do absolutely NOTHING! Remove yourself from the project or people that are causing you stress or that are involved directly with the project.  No one wants to talk about business when you're trying to RELAX. Take a walk, sing in the shower (off key if you must, we get the point), my favorite: read a book, take a walk to your local Starbucks and get whatever brewed coffee or pastry that puts a smile on your face, paint, listen to soothing music or a Michael Jackson song, the King of Pop music will never stir you wrong, go out side & take pictures of nature.  These smartphones have plenty of cool apps  that can help us overcome stress and prevent us from  being burned out.  My favorite app on my i-Devices as I like to call them, is the app called Serenity, did I mention it's FREE.  You don't have to go bankrupt in your iTunes account any longer to enjoy the finer things in life: peace, quiet and the melodic sounds of nature.

Being an advocate of domestic violence is no easy task.  You are balancing the stress associated within your personal life and at times you endure the crisis of the clients you serve.  Some days, I just enjoy being  Felicia.  Felicia is very quiet and shy in her own skin but can also be very outspoken and interacts with others as well.  Networking is one of my specialities.  So you’re probably wondering, how is Felicia shy, but loves networking?  Here’s the answer, I don’t stress or get burned out over my fears nor accomplishments.  I create positive and fun-filled environments to enjoy doing whatever job or project I’m involved in.  I had to learn this technique the hard way, in college when I was introduced to a panic attack for overworking myself.  Never, I repeat, NEVER again. You're no good to others, if you're not healthy.  

Single parents, I hear your silent cries.  With your work schedules and balancing kids, that could be very hard to do.  As hard as it is, we must take care of ourselves, FIRST.  Your children will appreciate that.  Take moments out of your day to just BREATHE.  Pace yourself.  Set schedules, playdates, family outings, etc. on a calendar (preferably a Google, iCloud or Outlook calendar) in advance so that you can visually see what your days, weeks and/or month is going like a head of time.  I have an iPhone 4 and iPad, so my calendars are synced to both of my devices and no matter where I am and before I book ANYTHING...... I check my calendars.  

If you're a college student, you know the words syllabus and deadline goes hand in hand.  If you look at what's due on your syllabus then it should be updated in your calendars.  For term papers, create check point days in your calendars.  For example, if you have a week to complete a five page paper,don't wait til day four to start on it.  If at all possible, as soon as you get the assignment, post the due date and time in your calendar.  Next, post check points and times to complete the body of the paper such as when you will create your summary, outline, conclusions.  Each body of the work requires a different amount of time.  So be careful of scheduling too much in one night.  Tell your friends and colleagues that they're gonna have to go to happy hour without you, you have a paper that's due.  This is where saying, "NO!" comes in handy.  Remember what we talked about?  Practice again saying "NO!" here if you need to.

Bottom line: Make your calendars your NEW bff's and avoid burn-outs while accomplishing your dreams and goals while serving others.