Sometimes you can’t ask why? When? How? Other times you have to answer all the questions that God has set before you through the mouths of other humans. Do I take a stand and break the silence or be seated and pretend that didn’t happen or how about the promises that it will never happen again? Breathe slowly, deeply…..in, out…..panic attack arises by the seconds. When it’s all over, oh God when will it all be over? For now my face is smothered with bruises and cuts that burn so bad that my soul doesn’t even recognizes it. The pain won’t allow me to move or run away. Run away in my mind you say? How does one do that? Pretend that I am somewhere else? Where does one go with the pain of each blow to my face is right here in the present. The only place I can breathe and feel safe is if I’m allowed to go the restroom in peace. Where do I go in the midnight hour when I can’t sleep because the stench of the pain is so powerful that my heart and mind is ready to take my own last breath of life? You call this life? There has to be something better than this! How did I allow this to happen? Never saw this coming…..never even been in a situation like this before. Tears, rage, anger, guilt all rise up in my chest at the same time knocking whatever conscious thoughts I had left in me for the day, away. Truly God isn’t listening to my prayers or my constant cry outs for help. I’ll admit He’s given me a lot of times to pack up and walk away but he said he loved me and needed me to stay. To only turnaround and punch me 3 seconds later. I thought about suicide, manslaughter: voluntarily or involuntarily, but then God spoke a soft word in my ear that said, “Vengeance shall be mine, thus saith the Lord”. But God, you don’t know how I feel or what I’ve been through are the ridiculous words the form out of the deepest pits of your soul. Now because He loves you, He walks with you and talks with you. Not the lunchroom conversations you’re used to having with your old co-workers. Conversations of the promises of His word, forms in your mind and soon you believe them and began to see the dark in a different shade. This shade has more color to it and has more room in it for you to grow. You’re afraid of growth and the newness thereof, don’t be, step out on faith and see the marvelous light the Lord has placed before you……..walk away once and for all and be free! Free to love yourself and be loved by those around you. When those thoughts of failure and fear lurk around the corners of your mind, stand firm in your faith and decree victory over any obstacle that is out there standing in your way of triumph. If you took every fist full of tears and pain, surely you can take the world head on with the strength and guidance of God leading your path.
Sometimes you can’t ask why? When? How? Now you know the answers to each one of those questions. This note is for those who are silenced in their bedrooms, kitchens, basements, bathrooms, out in public and wherever else their voices have been cut off from society. This was written for my tears that flow down like a river on my face as I type this, I know the painful memories that will forever live in my soul are not in vain. Fear not, God WILL give you beauty for the ashes you’ve blown away or endure in your life. This is for the children that can’t speak out of fear of the possible burial services that their mother will have, if someone finds out what daddy is doing to mommy and God forbid, doing to them too. If you never comment and raise your hand and admit that you too have been a victim of Domestic Violence…..that’s ok……GOD knows!! Ask Him for the strength to remove you from that situation and take away words, thoughts or actions that might lead you back to that place of darkness. Recognize that some women didn’t make it to safety. Their bones lie still in the ground of ghostly cemetery. Their family members wishing they could’ve said bye or I love them one more time. Wishing they had of stood up and said something. So I beg you, if God has given you away out ….TAKE IT! It may not be the scenic route you always dreamed of. But keep in mind, it is FREEDOM.
BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
DON'T IGNORE YOUR FEELINGS
I love how Maya Angelou defines this title regarding relationships: "When a man tells you who he is, BELIEVE him"! By this I believe she meant for women not TO ignore the signs of who a man is when you meet him in hopes that things will later change.
On the first date, if he ignores your thoughts and feelings....trust me, by date #20 things won't be much different. If he is too aggressive for your liking, nip it then instead of allowing the pursuit to take flight any further. Dr. Jamal Harrison Byrant once advised a lady in his teaching that, "A man should come to you complete". Not that he can't have any flaws or that his house(life) doesn't need tidding up a bit. But the overall message was that, a man problems and or his goals shouldn't become yours! The first time he explodes in anger with unacceptable rage, stop thinking ladies: "I can change him".
This blog is not meant to bash men under any circumstances. It's written to teach women how to be more aware of the hidden crime of Domestic Violence. As with other crimes the outcome is naturally at a moments notice unless like with Domestic Violence......it's premeditated....meaning there was a process that occurred before the actual offense. Same with relationships, nothing worth having, happens overnight.
Often times the abusive partner does not physically attack the victim on the first date. I'm almost sure they 100% of the time either emotionally or verbally abuse the soon to be victim if she isn't careful. Sometimes women downplay or ignore the first act of abuse from the potential partner. Once you ignore one thought, word or deed, get ready for the ride of your life.
Learn the background of his previous relationships, unless there is evidence of true repentance (counseling, his relationship with God, support groups, etc) from a previous abuser, chances are: if he abused her(old girlfriends) he's gonna do the same to you.
It is critical that you pay attention to your feelings. If something doesn't feel right, chances are, it isn't. Here are a few WARNING signs of potential abusive partners(batterers) listed in CAWC's 40-Hour Domestic Violence Training Manual:
Jealousy: often mistaken for possible love intentions but it's a sign of insecurity
Controlling Behavior: comes across as concerned about your "saftey"
Quick involvement: believes in the "love at first sight" and within six months of dating you start living together
Unrealistic Expectations: You're expected to be perfect in ALL aspects of the relationship
Isolation: the abusive partner will SLOWLY cut you off from all resources (friends, family and employment)
Blames others for problems: It's never their fault why something happened
Blames others for feelings: manipulates you by saying statements like "You make me mad"
Hypersensitivity: abuser is easily insulted, claims feelings are hurt when really they are mad, or takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks
Cruelty to children or animals: punish animals brutally or expect children to do things beyond their ability or tease them until they cry
Playful use of force in sex: This person may like to throw you down and hold you down during sex, or act out fantasies where you are helpless. The abuser is letting you know that the idea of rape is exciting. The abuser may show little or no concern about whether you want to have sex and use sulking or manipulation to get you to comply. The abuser may start to have sex with you while you are sleeping or demand sex while you are ill or tired or right after an assault.
Verbal Abuse: degrade you, curse you, or run down your accomplishment. The abuser will tell you that you are stupid and unable to function alone
Two very different personalities: you may be confused by the abusers sudden changes of mood. One minute the person is nice, and the next minute explosive or very sad.
Past battering: once again, you may find out the abuser has hit past lovers, but claim they provoked or exaggerated it
Threats of violence: making threats like, "I'll slap your mouth off" are examples of threats
Breaking or striking objects: The abuser will select specific items of personal worth to destroy, or throw near you
Any force during an argument: This may involve holding you down, restraining you from leaving the room, any pushing or shoving
These are very important signs of potential abusive personality traits. Use them to the BEST of your ability and abort ANY danger signs upon arrival. Take your time when choosing a mate and don't ignore your feelings because it is those same feelings that will lead you on the road to happiness or a lifetime of misery.
BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
On the first date, if he ignores your thoughts and feelings....trust me, by date #20 things won't be much different. If he is too aggressive for your liking, nip it then instead of allowing the pursuit to take flight any further. Dr. Jamal Harrison Byrant once advised a lady in his teaching that, "A man should come to you complete". Not that he can't have any flaws or that his house(life) doesn't need tidding up a bit. But the overall message was that, a man problems and or his goals shouldn't become yours! The first time he explodes in anger with unacceptable rage, stop thinking ladies: "I can change him".
This blog is not meant to bash men under any circumstances. It's written to teach women how to be more aware of the hidden crime of Domestic Violence. As with other crimes the outcome is naturally at a moments notice unless like with Domestic Violence......it's premeditated....meaning there was a process that occurred before the actual offense. Same with relationships, nothing worth having, happens overnight.
Often times the abusive partner does not physically attack the victim on the first date. I'm almost sure they 100% of the time either emotionally or verbally abuse the soon to be victim if she isn't careful. Sometimes women downplay or ignore the first act of abuse from the potential partner. Once you ignore one thought, word or deed, get ready for the ride of your life.
Learn the background of his previous relationships, unless there is evidence of true repentance (counseling, his relationship with God, support groups, etc) from a previous abuser, chances are: if he abused her(old girlfriends) he's gonna do the same to you.
It is critical that you pay attention to your feelings. If something doesn't feel right, chances are, it isn't. Here are a few WARNING signs of potential abusive partners(batterers) listed in CAWC's 40-Hour Domestic Violence Training Manual:
Jealousy: often mistaken for possible love intentions but it's a sign of insecurity
Controlling Behavior: comes across as concerned about your "saftey"
Quick involvement: believes in the "love at first sight" and within six months of dating you start living together
Unrealistic Expectations: You're expected to be perfect in ALL aspects of the relationship
Isolation: the abusive partner will SLOWLY cut you off from all resources (friends, family and employment)
Blames others for problems: It's never their fault why something happened
Blames others for feelings: manipulates you by saying statements like "You make me mad"
Hypersensitivity: abuser is easily insulted, claims feelings are hurt when really they are mad, or takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks
Cruelty to children or animals: punish animals brutally or expect children to do things beyond their ability or tease them until they cry
Playful use of force in sex: This person may like to throw you down and hold you down during sex, or act out fantasies where you are helpless. The abuser is letting you know that the idea of rape is exciting. The abuser may show little or no concern about whether you want to have sex and use sulking or manipulation to get you to comply. The abuser may start to have sex with you while you are sleeping or demand sex while you are ill or tired or right after an assault.
Verbal Abuse: degrade you, curse you, or run down your accomplishment. The abuser will tell you that you are stupid and unable to function alone
Two very different personalities: you may be confused by the abusers sudden changes of mood. One minute the person is nice, and the next minute explosive or very sad.
Past battering: once again, you may find out the abuser has hit past lovers, but claim they provoked or exaggerated it
Threats of violence: making threats like, "I'll slap your mouth off" are examples of threats
Breaking or striking objects: The abuser will select specific items of personal worth to destroy, or throw near you
Any force during an argument: This may involve holding you down, restraining you from leaving the room, any pushing or shoving
These are very important signs of potential abusive personality traits. Use them to the BEST of your ability and abort ANY danger signs upon arrival. Take your time when choosing a mate and don't ignore your feelings because it is those same feelings that will lead you on the road to happiness or a lifetime of misery.
BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Monday, July 26, 2010
A NEW ME & A NEW YOU
Today I noticed a different side of me that I must admit, caught me off guard. I'll begin by saying that over the weekend, my car stopped on me after two days of enjoying time with new friends and the special "me" time that doesn't come often.
I remember praying to God when the tow truck driver was attaching my car to the truck,"I'm just thankful I have the money in the bank to pay for this today". I remember plenty of days of surviving off of close to nothing in my pockets. The old me, would've been on the side of that rode crying and just stayed there stuck until somebody in my family could come and rescue me. NOT THE NEW ME!!!
Let's take a step back for a moment and discuss the "old" me.........I'll sum it up for you real simple....a heathen:irresponsible, immature, selfish, not saved-meaning I had no relationship with God, conceited, chaotic and living an unhealthy lifestyle, no sense of what's going on in the real world, financially unstable, etc. How can I say all of that about myself and still hold my head high? The answer is buried in the bossom of the grace of God, which covers a multitude of our sins. The old me was a HOTT mess. Now let me introduce you to the new me:
I know where all of my good and perfect gift comes from.....GOD....I know who giveth and taketh away things and people in my life.....GOD.....I know who kisses the morning dew each day that I rise and hugs the night skies when I lay down to sleep.....GOD....I know that the enemy uses the same tricks to try and destroy me and I also know and proclaim that God said in His word, "Do not touch my anointed one".....need more evidence of who I am? The one true answer that gives light to the darkness: I AM A CHILD OF GOD!
See the old me couldn't even pray the enemy away and let alone under my footstool. Now the new me, is the woman I admire. It takes a lot courage to be a new individual. Especially when people can't let go of who you were in your past. That's ok, let them stay focus on your past, because God has plans for the new you, above and beyond anything you could ever ask, think or imagine.
The old me was a victim of domestic violence: afraid, ashamed, delirious and I held guilt and confession up to my chest as if I was holding my child. Constantly worried about my present that I wouldn't dare dream about my future. Walking around on eggshells and tear stained eyes that Mac, Maybelline or Cover Girl could do nothing with.
I have good news for you........there's A NEW ME on the horizon! This time around, I have more patience, virtue, I am more humble, inspired by those that traveled ahead of me, thankful for those that get inspiration from me. Because you see, anybody can remain in a familiar place and not see a change is necessary for them in their life. But I dare you to step out on faith with the help of God and ask Him to create A NEW YOU!
Be thankful for the old you because without it, I couldn't celebrate A NEW ME & A NEW YOU!!!
HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!
I remember praying to God when the tow truck driver was attaching my car to the truck,"I'm just thankful I have the money in the bank to pay for this today". I remember plenty of days of surviving off of close to nothing in my pockets. The old me, would've been on the side of that rode crying and just stayed there stuck until somebody in my family could come and rescue me. NOT THE NEW ME!!!
Let's take a step back for a moment and discuss the "old" me.........I'll sum it up for you real simple....a heathen:irresponsible, immature, selfish, not saved-meaning I had no relationship with God, conceited, chaotic and living an unhealthy lifestyle, no sense of what's going on in the real world, financially unstable, etc. How can I say all of that about myself and still hold my head high? The answer is buried in the bossom of the grace of God, which covers a multitude of our sins. The old me was a HOTT mess. Now let me introduce you to the new me:
I know where all of my good and perfect gift comes from.....GOD....I know who giveth and taketh away things and people in my life.....GOD.....I know who kisses the morning dew each day that I rise and hugs the night skies when I lay down to sleep.....GOD....I know that the enemy uses the same tricks to try and destroy me and I also know and proclaim that God said in His word, "Do not touch my anointed one".....need more evidence of who I am? The one true answer that gives light to the darkness: I AM A CHILD OF GOD!
See the old me couldn't even pray the enemy away and let alone under my footstool. Now the new me, is the woman I admire. It takes a lot courage to be a new individual. Especially when people can't let go of who you were in your past. That's ok, let them stay focus on your past, because God has plans for the new you, above and beyond anything you could ever ask, think or imagine.
The old me was a victim of domestic violence: afraid, ashamed, delirious and I held guilt and confession up to my chest as if I was holding my child. Constantly worried about my present that I wouldn't dare dream about my future. Walking around on eggshells and tear stained eyes that Mac, Maybelline or Cover Girl could do nothing with.
I have good news for you........there's A NEW ME on the horizon! This time around, I have more patience, virtue, I am more humble, inspired by those that traveled ahead of me, thankful for those that get inspiration from me. Because you see, anybody can remain in a familiar place and not see a change is necessary for them in their life. But I dare you to step out on faith with the help of God and ask Him to create A NEW YOU!
Be thankful for the old you because without it, I couldn't celebrate A NEW ME & A NEW YOU!!!
HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!
Friday, July 23, 2010
THE SECRET PLACE
Do you have a place that you go to in your house/apartment that allows you to escape the realities of this world? For me, I built a small alter (actually it was the stand from a bird cage I had)neverthless,that had candles, the Bible and incense on it. Now that might sound like a bit much, but that secret place got me through the toughest years of my life.
At the time, my husband and kids thought it was just another item of decor in the house. But I used that alter in the midnight hours or right before everybody got up and just PRAYED! I would cry out to God, whatever was on my heart.
So I submit this suggestion to you: Find a quiet and secret place wherever you dwell and talk to God.....He would love to hear from you...LOL
Domestic Violence takes a toil on your most inner thoughts whether you recognize it or not. You will be amazed at how your life will change once you implement: prayer and speaking positive words about yourself into your future. No one else can have a relationship with your God better than YOU! Go into that secret place and release the veil of hurt and painful thoughts and feelings unto the Lord. Whose better qualified to be a great listener and a even greater friend that will help you in this difficult situation? Came up with an answer yet? I'll help you with this one: GOD!!! God, is the ONLY one that can give you beauty from the ashes that domestic violence has caused in your life. Take the much needed time to embrace who you are and your relationship with God will grow daily.
Other items you can bring to the secret place of your chose are:
JournalsDevotional Books
Small CD player or iPod stand/radio
BlanketSmall pillow (for extra cushion on floor settings)
Those are just a few items that you can consider but most importantly, make sure you bring YOURSELF, wholeheartedly and available to hear what thus saith the Lord, in the secret place.
BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!
At the time, my husband and kids thought it was just another item of decor in the house. But I used that alter in the midnight hours or right before everybody got up and just PRAYED! I would cry out to God, whatever was on my heart.
So I submit this suggestion to you: Find a quiet and secret place wherever you dwell and talk to God.....He would love to hear from you...LOL
Domestic Violence takes a toil on your most inner thoughts whether you recognize it or not. You will be amazed at how your life will change once you implement: prayer and speaking positive words about yourself into your future. No one else can have a relationship with your God better than YOU! Go into that secret place and release the veil of hurt and painful thoughts and feelings unto the Lord. Whose better qualified to be a great listener and a even greater friend that will help you in this difficult situation? Came up with an answer yet? I'll help you with this one: GOD!!! God, is the ONLY one that can give you beauty from the ashes that domestic violence has caused in your life. Take the much needed time to embrace who you are and your relationship with God will grow daily.
Other items you can bring to the secret place of your chose are:
JournalsDevotional Books
Small CD player or iPod stand/radio
BlanketSmall pillow (for extra cushion on floor settings)
Those are just a few items that you can consider but most importantly, make sure you bring YOURSELF, wholeheartedly and available to hear what thus saith the Lord, in the secret place.
BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!
Monday, July 19, 2010
WHO ARE YOU?
I was recently told that I needed to be like someone else...........are you kidding me? My thoughts are, to that statement:
Yes, I could learn a few things from that person, but to "be" like them is nonexistent to me. God created me to be like Him in His image not to be like another human being. I will forever strive to be the BEST me, I was designed to be!
Domestic violence victims pay attention: you may be going through a tough time trying to figure yourself out but that one thing that always remain the same is...........there's only ONE of you! Nobody else can be what YOU need to be for yourself, your children, your community or this society.
Domestic violence survivors pay attention: Who are you? What defines your life right now? Is it money, family, morals, your contributions to this society, etc? Remember to always look in the mirror and acknowledge who you are! If you don't, no one else will.
Often times when a person has experienced emotional and verbal abuse, they hear degrading amd disrespectful remarks from their abusive partner as such:
"You're too fat"
"You're hair isn't long enough"
"You're stupid"
"You need implants"
"Your butt is too small/big"
"You're ugly and nobody wants you"
This list could extend the time I'm allotted here, but I pray that if any of these remarks sparked up a memory for you, that you believe that you are a beautiful human being inside and out and God designed you to do His will on this earth.
Speak POSITIVE words into your life and always be confident in who YOU are!!
BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!
Yes, I could learn a few things from that person, but to "be" like them is nonexistent to me. God created me to be like Him in His image not to be like another human being. I will forever strive to be the BEST me, I was designed to be!
Domestic violence victims pay attention: you may be going through a tough time trying to figure yourself out but that one thing that always remain the same is...........there's only ONE of you! Nobody else can be what YOU need to be for yourself, your children, your community or this society.
Domestic violence survivors pay attention: Who are you? What defines your life right now? Is it money, family, morals, your contributions to this society, etc? Remember to always look in the mirror and acknowledge who you are! If you don't, no one else will.
Often times when a person has experienced emotional and verbal abuse, they hear degrading amd disrespectful remarks from their abusive partner as such:
"You're too fat"
"You're hair isn't long enough"
"You're stupid"
"You need implants"
"Your butt is too small/big"
"You're ugly and nobody wants you"
This list could extend the time I'm allotted here, but I pray that if any of these remarks sparked up a memory for you, that you believe that you are a beautiful human being inside and out and God designed you to do His will on this earth.
Speak POSITIVE words into your life and always be confident in who YOU are!!
BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!
Friday, July 16, 2010
THE EXPERIENCE
As I look back over the journey that has bought my arrival to the present, what a trip! Circumstances and decisions that were made allowed me to be at peace within my soul and have no lack thereof. I would go into remission if I didn’t allow myself the time, consistency and determination to accomplish every goal and task that was destined before me, along with prayer and fasting. I now know that the adversities and burdens that I endured, was for this experience I now have. I firmly believe God allows such trials to motivate us into better human beings that He created us for. The word says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”. I believe wholeheartedly that God new the time and season where my life would impact a society of hurting women and children.
I don’t come to you nor claim that my faith in God was a seed planted at an early age. Sure I was bought up in the church but I had no clue of who God really was in my life until recent years. How did my faith grow, you ask? Daily! There were times where I too doubted the Almighty or rushed my plan to be His priority. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, He knows all about our flaws and imperfections. The best experiences I’ve had with God were in those midnight hours, literally. I am an earthen vessel that God has called to speak loud and clear to His hurting children that suffers from domestic violence. He’s given me the courage I need to comfort those in need and the tears to share of my own experience of domestic violence. So I say again, I don’t come to you nor claim my faith in God was a seed planted at an early age. It was a tragic experience that allowed my light to shine today.
How? Why? When? Are all the questions society asks of me daily about my experience with domestic violence! Sometimes I can recall the memories and other times I know it was the Holy Spirit that has allowed such memories to be erased. Sometimes I even get frustrated because this calling requires you to lead by example. So if that means being single, not shacked up with and to a man that isn’t a part of His plan, I must pass up countless opportunities of lust. I know my rewards and completion comes from God and not mortal man.
You must know with this experience you carry the weight of a lot of wounded souls. Of stories and physical scars of women, teenagers and children that might not ever go away. This experience here is a lifestyle. It continues on in your life after you’ve conquered the storm. How do I speak so boldly and confident now about such a hidden topic? It was the years of tears and the yells of pain that allowed me to forever break the silence of domestic violence. I can reassure you, it didn’t come over night. Prayer and fasting became daily rituals not anniversaries celebrated in my life.
I ask of you, what is your experience? Have you shared it with a family member, friend, co-worker or whomever that is the nearest person sitting next to you? Someone is out there with ears awaiting the opportunity to hear your experience.
My prayer is that you be blessed in all that you do and enjoy the experience!
I don’t come to you nor claim that my faith in God was a seed planted at an early age. Sure I was bought up in the church but I had no clue of who God really was in my life until recent years. How did my faith grow, you ask? Daily! There were times where I too doubted the Almighty or rushed my plan to be His priority. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, He knows all about our flaws and imperfections. The best experiences I’ve had with God were in those midnight hours, literally. I am an earthen vessel that God has called to speak loud and clear to His hurting children that suffers from domestic violence. He’s given me the courage I need to comfort those in need and the tears to share of my own experience of domestic violence. So I say again, I don’t come to you nor claim my faith in God was a seed planted at an early age. It was a tragic experience that allowed my light to shine today.
How? Why? When? Are all the questions society asks of me daily about my experience with domestic violence! Sometimes I can recall the memories and other times I know it was the Holy Spirit that has allowed such memories to be erased. Sometimes I even get frustrated because this calling requires you to lead by example. So if that means being single, not shacked up with and to a man that isn’t a part of His plan, I must pass up countless opportunities of lust. I know my rewards and completion comes from God and not mortal man.
You must know with this experience you carry the weight of a lot of wounded souls. Of stories and physical scars of women, teenagers and children that might not ever go away. This experience here is a lifestyle. It continues on in your life after you’ve conquered the storm. How do I speak so boldly and confident now about such a hidden topic? It was the years of tears and the yells of pain that allowed me to forever break the silence of domestic violence. I can reassure you, it didn’t come over night. Prayer and fasting became daily rituals not anniversaries celebrated in my life.
I ask of you, what is your experience? Have you shared it with a family member, friend, co-worker or whomever that is the nearest person sitting next to you? Someone is out there with ears awaiting the opportunity to hear your experience.
My prayer is that you be blessed in all that you do and enjoy the experience!
LYRICS TO "ME" by Tamia
-verse-
Love was a former owner, but quiet is renting our house
It seizes my lips from speaking, but forms a sarcastic smile
Suspense now raised one of your eyebrowes
You ask me if there's someone else
I replied yes, hell yes
You asked me if it's another man, I said no
You laughed and say is it a woman, I say yeah
Surprisingly you asked for honey's name
-chorus-
And her name is me,
And she loves me more than you'll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don't seem to work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to chosse, I choose me
-verse-
And she told me to tell you to never to hurt me again
Cuz if you haven't heard she's a bad chick
Eventhough I haven't been, no
Yet and still you try and test me by raisin' an angery hand
Put it down, put it down
I'm leavin don't try and stop me, (no)
I'm late and she is waiting, (yes)
My love for me is too much so I can't stay
-chorus-
And her name is me,
And she loves me more than you'll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and me
Just don't seem to work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me
Cuz she's actually formin' a threesome
And I'm happy that I can join them, and
There names are me, myself and I
-chorus-
And her name is me,
She loves me more than you'll ever know
I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don't seem to work work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love,
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me
She's waiting on me to tell you that she needs love,
Gotta choose between you two, and you know
And if I have to chosse,
I choose me, me, I gotta go with me
Love was a former owner, but quiet is renting our house
It seizes my lips from speaking, but forms a sarcastic smile
Suspense now raised one of your eyebrowes
You ask me if there's someone else
I replied yes, hell yes
You asked me if it's another man, I said no
You laughed and say is it a woman, I say yeah
Surprisingly you asked for honey's name
-chorus-
And her name is me,
And she loves me more than you'll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don't seem to work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to chosse, I choose me
-verse-
And she told me to tell you to never to hurt me again
Cuz if you haven't heard she's a bad chick
Eventhough I haven't been, no
Yet and still you try and test me by raisin' an angery hand
Put it down, put it down
I'm leavin don't try and stop me, (no)
I'm late and she is waiting, (yes)
My love for me is too much so I can't stay
-chorus-
And her name is me,
And she loves me more than you'll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and me
Just don't seem to work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me
Cuz she's actually formin' a threesome
And I'm happy that I can join them, and
There names are me, myself and I
-chorus-
And her name is me,
She loves me more than you'll ever know
I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don't seem to work work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love,
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me
She's waiting on me to tell you that she needs love,
Gotta choose between you two, and you know
And if I have to chosse,
I choose me, me, I gotta go with me
LYRICS TO "SURVIVOR" by Destiny's Child
(Verse 1)
Now that you are out of my life,
I'm so much better,
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
But I'm stronger,
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
But I'm richer,
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder,
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
Now I'm wiser,
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
But I'm smarter,
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya,
Sold nine million.
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
(Verse 2)
Thought I couldn't breathe without you,
I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without you,
Perfect vision,
You thought I couldn't last without ya,
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya,
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya,
But I'm on top,
Though it would be over by now,
But it won't stop,
You thought that I would self-destruct,
But I'm still here,
Even in my years to come,
I'm still gon' be here.
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
(Bridge)
I'm wishin' you the best,
Pray that you are blessed,
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna blast you on the radio,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna lie on you or your family, yo,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna hate you in the magazine,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity,
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
After all of the darkness and sadness,
Still comes happiness,
If I surround myself with positive things,
I'll gain prosperity.
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what)(Don't stop me now)
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
Now that you are out of my life,
I'm so much better,
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
But I'm stronger,
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
But I'm richer,
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder,
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
Now I'm wiser,
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
But I'm smarter,
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya,
Sold nine million.
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
(Verse 2)
Thought I couldn't breathe without you,
I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without you,
Perfect vision,
You thought I couldn't last without ya,
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya,
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya,
But I'm on top,
Though it would be over by now,
But it won't stop,
You thought that I would self-destruct,
But I'm still here,
Even in my years to come,
I'm still gon' be here.
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
(Bridge)
I'm wishin' you the best,
Pray that you are blessed,
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna blast you on the radio,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna lie on you or your family, yo,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna hate you in the magazine,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity,
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
After all of the darkness and sadness,
Still comes happiness,
If I surround myself with positive things,
I'll gain prosperity.
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what)(Don't stop me now)
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
DON'T HAVE A VICTIM MENTALITY
I know it's hard to get out of life happiness, especially when you've been given so little. Let me introduce you all to some expressions victims of domestic violence often tell themselves:
"Nobody will ever love me again"
"I can't walk away, who's gonna take care of me and/or of my child(ren)?"
"Nobody was ever there for me"
"I've always been in abusive relationships"
"My foster parent(s) abused me too so it must be something wrong with me"
"I can't go back to school, he said my ideas were stupid"
If you made a mental note of checking yes to any of those expressions, it's time to refocus your mind and begin the journey of becoming a new you!
A victim sometimes gets used to the abuser downgrading, disrespecting, name calling and a host of other things done physically, verbally and emotionally to them, that seeing a positive outcome in their life is almost nonexitent. But thank God, whatever man(society) says, He has the ultimate say so over our lives. Start speaking life into your situations:
"Someday I WILL find love and happiness again"
"I CAN walk away from this unhealthy relationship so that me and my children will be safe and live a properous life"
"Unfortunately, nobody was there for me growing up, but I CAN help others get through their tough situations and become a role model to others"
"I've always been in an abusive relationship, but NOW is the time to break that cycle!"
"My foster parent(s) abusing me was wrong but I AM a WONDERFUL person inside and out!"
"I CAN go back to school because I have the GREATEST ideas to contribute to today's society?
Try putting positive notes in your purse/wallet, bathroom mirror, refrigerator door, desk at work or home, etc. Read those positive notes DAILY and watch you walk a different walk, talk a different talk, dream bigger dreams. I used to implement my positive notes in my prayers everyday too. Nobody wants to be around people who are always putting themselves down. Or try using an inspirational word everyday and use it in a sentence that describes you or your goals, visions and/or hobbies. For example here are a list of POSITIVE words:
INSPIRATION
LOVE
AFFIRM
COURAGE DETERMINATION HEALTHY SUCCESS PROSPEROUS
ENCOURAGE
POWER
BEAUTIFUL
ANEW
AWESOME
ACCOUNTABILITY
RESPECT
OUTSTANDING
GOAL(S)
Fix the things and areas of your life that you want changed. Rid excess drama, people, clothes and any other baggage that you are carrying around with you that's a roadblock to your breakthrough.
After you get rid of the negative victim mentality, BREAK THE SILENCE of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!
"Nobody will ever love me again"
"I can't walk away, who's gonna take care of me and/or of my child(ren)?"
"Nobody was ever there for me"
"I've always been in abusive relationships"
"My foster parent(s) abused me too so it must be something wrong with me"
"I can't go back to school, he said my ideas were stupid"
If you made a mental note of checking yes to any of those expressions, it's time to refocus your mind and begin the journey of becoming a new you!
A victim sometimes gets used to the abuser downgrading, disrespecting, name calling and a host of other things done physically, verbally and emotionally to them, that seeing a positive outcome in their life is almost nonexitent. But thank God, whatever man(society) says, He has the ultimate say so over our lives. Start speaking life into your situations:
"Someday I WILL find love and happiness again"
"I CAN walk away from this unhealthy relationship so that me and my children will be safe and live a properous life"
"Unfortunately, nobody was there for me growing up, but I CAN help others get through their tough situations and become a role model to others"
"I've always been in an abusive relationship, but NOW is the time to break that cycle!"
"My foster parent(s) abusing me was wrong but I AM a WONDERFUL person inside and out!"
"I CAN go back to school because I have the GREATEST ideas to contribute to today's society?
Try putting positive notes in your purse/wallet, bathroom mirror, refrigerator door, desk at work or home, etc. Read those positive notes DAILY and watch you walk a different walk, talk a different talk, dream bigger dreams. I used to implement my positive notes in my prayers everyday too. Nobody wants to be around people who are always putting themselves down. Or try using an inspirational word everyday and use it in a sentence that describes you or your goals, visions and/or hobbies. For example here are a list of POSITIVE words:
INSPIRATION
LOVE
AFFIRM
COURAGE DETERMINATION HEALTHY SUCCESS PROSPEROUS
ENCOURAGE
POWER
BEAUTIFUL
ANEW
AWESOME
ACCOUNTABILITY
RESPECT
OUTSTANDING
GOAL(S)
Fix the things and areas of your life that you want changed. Rid excess drama, people, clothes and any other baggage that you are carrying around with you that's a roadblock to your breakthrough.
After you get rid of the negative victim mentality, BREAK THE SILENCE of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
A Humble Experience
Once again, I am eternally grateful for the opportunity of being the special guest on Laugh & Tears blog talk radio. That was the first time I was on a live radio show and enjoyed the comments, questions, chats online, etc. Of course, if you're wondering, the topic was Domestic Violence. We discussed personal testimonies, recognized and defined exactly what domestic violence is. The audience was able to identify in their own lives if they had ever been abused physically, emotionally, sexually and so on. Like myself, I had never heard of the term "domestic violence" or even knew that I was in an abusive relationship. As oddly as it seems, you would've thought I knew what was going on as far as the termonology. But sadly, like myself, ALOT of people DON'T know the hidden signs or redflags of Domestic Violence or are aware that they are even in an abusive relationship.
We also dicussed how most people are and have been EMOTIONALLY and VERBALLY abused rather than physically abused throughout their life. Society doesn't associate the emotional and verbal abuse in the same sentence as physical abuse. One word remains the same that ties these unions together...........ABUSE!!! I'm sure the listeners were able to reflect back over their lives and did a quick checklist to see if they had been or are being emotionally and verbally abused.
There was a question that came up on the online chat that asked basically, how can sexual abuse or rape be implemented in a marriage union? An answer to that question lies here: If you are married or single, whenever force, manipulation, unacceptable acts or positions that your mate is not in agreement with and is using it for the gain of power and control is SEXUAL ABUSE. Anytime a form of force, whether it's by a physical action or emotional and verbal mechanisms, is used to get sex, is wrong.
If you are in a domestic violence situation plan a SAFETY PLAN carefully. I mentioned on the show how I always kept toiletries or travel kit bags in my car or outside of the house incase an altercation arised and I had to leave. There were plenty of times and nights I slept in my car or ran away to a safe haven. Having simple things like toothbrushes, combs and brushes, extra pair of clothes and underwear, change in case I needed to use a payphone if my cellphone was left behind and this list could on. I'm not suggesting that you run away repeatedly. I'm simply giving you options and prayerfully available resources and tools to implement whenever you decide to leave your abusive partner. In addition to a having a safety plan, make several different copies of your Order of Protection if you have one. Leave them in your safe haven places: friends house, under a plant outside or anywhere that you feel you can get a hold of it if the times comes and you can't get access to your original copy.
If you missed the opportunity to listen in on the live show, please feel free to log on at www.blogtalkradio.com/laugh_tears to hear the entire discussion.
I enjoy the calling on my life which is to raise the awareness of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.... as always I leave you with this: HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
We also dicussed how most people are and have been EMOTIONALLY and VERBALLY abused rather than physically abused throughout their life. Society doesn't associate the emotional and verbal abuse in the same sentence as physical abuse. One word remains the same that ties these unions together...........ABUSE!!! I'm sure the listeners were able to reflect back over their lives and did a quick checklist to see if they had been or are being emotionally and verbally abused.
There was a question that came up on the online chat that asked basically, how can sexual abuse or rape be implemented in a marriage union? An answer to that question lies here: If you are married or single, whenever force, manipulation, unacceptable acts or positions that your mate is not in agreement with and is using it for the gain of power and control is SEXUAL ABUSE. Anytime a form of force, whether it's by a physical action or emotional and verbal mechanisms, is used to get sex, is wrong.
If you are in a domestic violence situation plan a SAFETY PLAN carefully. I mentioned on the show how I always kept toiletries or travel kit bags in my car or outside of the house incase an altercation arised and I had to leave. There were plenty of times and nights I slept in my car or ran away to a safe haven. Having simple things like toothbrushes, combs and brushes, extra pair of clothes and underwear, change in case I needed to use a payphone if my cellphone was left behind and this list could on. I'm not suggesting that you run away repeatedly. I'm simply giving you options and prayerfully available resources and tools to implement whenever you decide to leave your abusive partner. In addition to a having a safety plan, make several different copies of your Order of Protection if you have one. Leave them in your safe haven places: friends house, under a plant outside or anywhere that you feel you can get a hold of it if the times comes and you can't get access to your original copy.
If you missed the opportunity to listen in on the live show, please feel free to log on at www.blogtalkradio.com/laugh_tears to hear the entire discussion.
I enjoy the calling on my life which is to raise the awareness of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.... as always I leave you with this: HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Thursday, July 8, 2010
DON'T GET LOST
Many a times in the beginning stages of relationships, women allow themselves to get lost in their new beau. Simply put, we get caught in their dreams, goals, strengths, weaknesses, hobbies and even the friends and company they keep. The problem occurs when the woman neglects her passions and previous goals to gratify their partner.
WARNING: If this is you, you're headed down a road of self-destruction, lack of control and previous boundaries you once had and even vulnerable to the outcome of an abusive partner.
It's ok to share common interests and goals with a potentional mate while dating. The key is not to be so consumed in your partner's life that you neglect your own. Here are some signs that you may recognize yourself doing:
Always engaging in his activities and/or hobbies
Going out or hanging around his friends and rarely seeing yours
"Girls Night Out" with your friends, doesn't exist anymore
Pressuring you about having sex to establish a completed relationship
Your spiritual life is put on hold due to the extreme attention and time you've invested in this new relationship
Partner seems aggitated, angry or threatens to leave the relationship if and whenever you choose to do something without your partner
This list can go and on...........but just so you can get a glimpse of where you are in the relationship and prayerfully this list was a prevention tool to keep you from a heartbreak later on down the road.
After you survived domestic violence and on a healthy road to dating again, be mindful of your thoughts and feelings while dating at all times. DON'T GET LOST and remember to BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!
WARNING: If this is you, you're headed down a road of self-destruction, lack of control and previous boundaries you once had and even vulnerable to the outcome of an abusive partner.
It's ok to share common interests and goals with a potentional mate while dating. The key is not to be so consumed in your partner's life that you neglect your own. Here are some signs that you may recognize yourself doing:
Always engaging in his activities and/or hobbies
Going out or hanging around his friends and rarely seeing yours
"Girls Night Out" with your friends, doesn't exist anymore
Pressuring you about having sex to establish a completed relationship
Your spiritual life is put on hold due to the extreme attention and time you've invested in this new relationship
Partner seems aggitated, angry or threatens to leave the relationship if and whenever you choose to do something without your partner
This list can go and on...........but just so you can get a glimpse of where you are in the relationship and prayerfully this list was a prevention tool to keep you from a heartbreak later on down the road.
After you survived domestic violence and on a healthy road to dating again, be mindful of your thoughts and feelings while dating at all times. DON'T GET LOST and remember to BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!
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