FREEDOM

Sometimes you can’t ask why? When? How? Other times you have to answer all the questions that God has set before you through the mouths of other humans. Do I take a stand and break the silence or be seated and pretend that didn’t happen or how about the promises that it will never happen again? Breathe slowly, deeply…..in, out…..panic attack arises by the seconds. When it’s all over, oh God when will it all be over? For now my face is smothered with bruises and cuts that burn so bad that my soul doesn’t even recognizes it. The pain won’t allow me to move or run away. Run away in my mind you say? How does one do that? Pretend that I am somewhere else? Where does one go with the pain of each blow to my face is right here in the present. The only place I can breathe and feel safe is if I’m allowed to go the restroom in peace. Where do I go in the midnight hour when I can’t sleep because the stench of the pain is so powerful that my heart and mind is ready to take my own last breath of life? You call this life? There has to be something better than this! How did I allow this to happen? Never saw this coming…..never even been in a situation like this before. Tears, rage, anger, guilt all rise up in my chest at the same time knocking whatever conscious thoughts I had left in me for the day, away. Truly God isn’t listening to my prayers or my constant cry outs for help. I’ll admit He’s given me a lot of times to pack up and walk away but he said he loved me and needed me to stay. To only turnaround and punch me 3 seconds later. I thought about suicide, manslaughter: voluntarily or involuntarily, but then God spoke a soft word in my ear that said, “Vengeance shall be mine, thus saith the Lord”. But God, you don’t know how I feel or what I’ve been through are the ridiculous words the form out of the deepest pits of your soul. Now because He loves you, He walks with you and talks with you. Not the lunchroom conversations you’re used to having with your old co-workers. Conversations of the promises of His word, forms in your mind and soon you believe them and began to see the dark in a different shade. This shade has more color to it and has more room in it for you to grow. You’re afraid of growth and the newness thereof, don’t be, step out on faith and see the marvelous light the Lord has placed before you……..walk away once and for all and be free! Free to love yourself and be loved by those around you. When those thoughts of failure and fear lurk around the corners of your mind, stand firm in your faith and decree victory over any obstacle that is out there standing in your way of triumph. If you took every fist full of tears and pain, surely you can take the world head on with the strength and guidance of God leading your path.
Sometimes you can’t ask why? When? How? Now you know the answers to each one of those questions. This note is for those who are silenced in their bedrooms, kitchens, basements, bathrooms, out in public and wherever else their voices have been cut off from society. This was written for my tears that flow down like a river on my face as I type this, I know the painful memories that will forever live in my soul are not in vain. Fear not, God WILL give you beauty for the ashes you’ve blown away or endure in your life. This is for the children that can’t speak out of fear of the possible burial services that their mother will have, if someone finds out what daddy is doing to mommy and God forbid, doing to them too. If you never comment and raise your hand and admit that you too have been a victim of Domestic Violence…..that’s ok……GOD knows!! Ask Him for the strength to remove you from that situation and take away words, thoughts or actions that might lead you back to that place of darkness. Recognize that some women didn’t make it to safety. Their bones lie still in the ground of ghostly cemetery. Their family members wishing they could’ve said bye or I love them one more time. Wishing they had of stood up and said something. So I beg you, if God has given you away out ….TAKE IT! It may not be the scenic route you always dreamed of. But keep in mind, it is FREEDOM.


BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE