DON'T IGNORE YOUR FEELINGS

I love how Maya Angelou defines this title regarding relationships: "When a man tells you who he is, BELIEVE him"! By this I believe she meant for women not TO ignore the signs of who a man is when you meet him in hopes that things will later change.

On the first date, if he ignores your thoughts and feelings....trust me, by date #20 things won't be much different. If he is too aggressive for your liking, nip it then instead of allowing the pursuit to take flight any further. Dr. Jamal Harrison Byrant once advised a lady in his teaching that, "A man should come to you complete". Not that he can't have any flaws or that his house(life) doesn't need tidding up a bit. But the overall message was that, a man problems and or his goals shouldn't become yours! The first time he explodes in anger with unacceptable rage, stop thinking ladies: "I can change him".

This blog is not meant to bash men under any circumstances. It's written to teach women how to be more aware of the hidden crime of Domestic Violence. As with other crimes the outcome is naturally at a moments notice unless like with Domestic Violence......it's premeditated....meaning there was a process that occurred before the actual offense. Same with relationships, nothing worth having, happens overnight.

Often times the abusive partner does not physically attack the victim on the first date. I'm almost sure they 100% of the time either emotionally or verbally abuse the soon to be victim if she isn't careful. Sometimes women downplay or ignore the first act of abuse from the potential partner. Once you ignore one thought, word or deed, get ready for the ride of your life.

Learn the background of his previous relationships, unless there is evidence of true repentance (counseling, his relationship with God, support groups, etc) from a previous abuser, chances are: if he abused her(old girlfriends) he's gonna do the same to you.

It is critical that you pay attention to your feelings. If something doesn't feel right, chances are, it isn't. Here are a few WARNING signs of potential abusive partners(batterers) listed in CAWC's 40-Hour Domestic Violence Training Manual:

Jealousy: often mistaken for possible love intentions but it's a sign of insecurity

Controlling Behavior: comes across as concerned about your "saftey"

Quick involvement: believes in the "love at first sight" and within six months of dating you start living together

Unrealistic Expectations: You're expected to be perfect in ALL aspects of the relationship

Isolation: the abusive partner will SLOWLY cut you off from all resources (friends, family and employment)

Blames others for problems: It's never their fault why something happened

Blames others for feelings: manipulates you by saying statements like "You make me mad"

Hypersensitivity: abuser is easily insulted, claims feelings are hurt when really they are mad, or takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks

Cruelty to children or animals: punish animals brutally or expect children to do things beyond their ability or tease them until they cry

Playful use of force in sex: This person may like to throw you down and hold you down during sex, or act out fantasies where you are helpless. The abuser is letting you know that the idea of rape is exciting. The abuser may show little or no concern about whether you want to have sex and use sulking or manipulation to get you to comply. The abuser may start to have sex with you while you are sleeping or demand sex while you are ill or tired or right after an assault.

Verbal Abuse: degrade you, curse you, or run down your accomplishment. The abuser will tell you that you are stupid and unable to function alone

Two very different personalities: you may be confused by the abusers sudden changes of mood. One minute the person is nice, and the next minute explosive or very sad.

Past battering: once again, you may find out the abuser has hit past lovers, but claim they provoked or exaggerated it

Threats of violence: making threats like, "I'll slap your mouth off" are examples of threats

Breaking or striking objects: The abuser will select specific items of personal worth to destroy, or throw near you

Any force during an argument: This may involve holding you down, restraining you from leaving the room, any pushing or shoving

These are very important signs of potential abusive personality traits. Use them to the BEST of your ability and abort ANY danger signs upon arrival. Take your time when choosing a mate and don't ignore your feelings because it is those same feelings that will lead you on the road to happiness or a lifetime of misery.


BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE