BEHIND THE SURVIVOR

OK here goes....... I am as usual crying over the joys and pains of my life. I never thought highly of myself and at one point in my life, I thought very low of myself. Whenever it seems like the what I want from society at any given moment, God shows up and shows OUT!!!

I often wonder how celebrities feel to have 1,000 upon 1,000 of people that look up to them for strength, image, encouragement, etc. I could only imagine the pressures that weigh their lives down and even some confide in heavy alcohol and drug usage to cope. I am a person that lives the most basic SINGLE life. I've said this plenty of times, I never asked God for this assignment and I thank Him daily that I didn't. You see if I had picked being a domestic violence advocate for victims, survivors and their families, the choice would have been a demise from the start. That's what makes this assignment in my life so worth living to find out more about.

I hear countless of stories from women that lay in their beds at night and cry and pray and even consider thoughts of suicide or premeditating the murder of their spouse or partner. This scene is all to familiar with me. I've done all of the above before. So my sisters that going through the midnight hour now, I say to you.......there is a BREAKTHROUGH come morning. God didn't deliver me overnight and He's still working on my heart soul now as I type this message. Don't ever give up hope or faith in God. He will show you a way out. I'm thankful for the moment that He gave me and confirmed that there is no turning back to my old ways of doing things. Yes I'm watching all of these years pass me by and not be involved with a man to love me. I'm okay with that, I know my worth and know that God is still working on my behalf. I just watched "Mary J. Blige Behind the Music" episode on VH1 and it blew me away. Yes I've heard the stories of her on drugs and the abuse she experienced in her former relationship with another celebrity. What I took away the most, was how she acknowledge the work of God that is still going on in her life once she let the drugs and alcohol go and the "toxic" relationship. Her new love she found in her husband and most importantly, the new love she found in HERSELF. I could only imagine how GREAT MJB feels now and nothing is better than giving back to your community what was given to you.

I've hit rock bottom in plenty of relationships to know now how to never travel those same roads again. People don't always pat me on my back and say, "Job well done". I'm okay with that too. The pat I look forward to is that ONE person that pulls me to the side and say, "After hearing your story, I want to learn more about domestic violence", or "After hearing your story, I want change my life for the better". Those stories touch my heart each and every time I hear it. Those are the stories that keep me motivated to keep doing what I'm doing. I GET TIRED TOO!!! This is not a rant but more of an please try and understand me before you judge me or what I've been through first approach.

Don't think for a moment that I don't want to write and talk about love and the happier things in life and not the tear dropping and painful memories of domestic violence. But episodes like MJB's Behind the Music makes platforms for women like me to introduce to society behind the survivor stories. MJB survived drugs, alcohol, lost of intimate love, father and daughter love and she is a walking testimony to women and young girls who feel powerless and like they will never amount to anything. The smile that viewers saw on her face was intimate and you felt like you knew her personally as if she was your neighbor, sister, aunt or family friend and that's the kind of legacy I want to leave behind and leave in the atmosphere here on Earth.

A New Me Foundation was created for those that feel speechless, the down at heart and those that have lost their purpose in life. My foundation helps create new lives for victims, survivors and their families. That last component really touches my spirit because sometimes it's helping the family members and friends understand what's going on in that victim or survivor's life, to help break the silence. That last component teaches forgiveness and that is the first step to healing.

Pray for me and with me that more people would stand up and break the silence of domestic violence!!!!!