There's nothing like waking up in the morning with absolutely nothing on your mind. Sounds strange doesn't it? Most of us have already mapped out our days the night before. Well this morning, I woke up to the sounds of the birds, and I tell you, those were the best sounds that my ears needed to hear. It felt so good to not be thinking about anything and just enjoying the vocal chords of nature. Most people at first glance looking at me, would not know how much I admire nature. When you've been introduced to a world of chaos as a victim of domestic violence, you learn to take value in the sounds of peace that the animals and different atmospheres that create nature. I go out and simply walk around in the forest preserve on my lunch break and take pictures of the trees, grass, birds, flowers and I have been experimenting with adding a video of my "secret place" I visit there.

I am in the process of putting together a fundraiser next month to help me provide immediate and available resources for victims and survivors of domestic violence, through my non-profit, A New Me Foundation. So image if you will, how my brain is always thinking, planning, making phone calls, sending emails, revising, and so forth. So this morning I was honored to dedicate possibly 5 minutes of doing absolutely nothing. As an author, motivational speaker, blogger, mother and newly added: founder of a non-profit (in the making), my brain needed those 5 minutes. I reread my last blog, Stir Up the Gifts.......and yes, I do read my blogs occasionally to help keep me motivated and focused on my many projects. That blog reminded me of my purpose (calling) and through reading that blog this morning, I am ready to tackle the many tasks that lay ahead of me this week.

It's hard to be an individual, stepping out of the box and developing a Community Based Organization (CBO) that will provide services to those in need. I don't put on a smile on my face all of the time as if this journey doesn't require sacrifice and hard work. I know the overall outcome of my labor: the number of deaths due to domestic violence causes of homicides, self defense killings, suicides and HIV/AIDS will decrease when services are provided to help educate the people in our communities. Imagine if one person's lifestyle changes, how it will impact a positive global change. Some days I go home and cry because of the passion I have to help all victims and survivors of domestic violence. I don't ever want anybody to go through what I went through because of their lack of knowledge of the crime. I had never heard of the term "domestic violence" so therefore I couldn't identify that I was in an abusive relationship.

This blog is to inform you of the simple things in life that one can enjoy. For me it was the sounds of birds communicating with each other. Embrace life and enjoy the quiet moments in each day to think of absolutely .......NOTHING!!!! If you are like me and is always serving others, take the time to serve yourself a dose of "me time". You will be amazed at the reward and positive influences you will release into the atmosphere.

HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

STIR UP THE GIFTS!!!

I come across to people as a hardworking "sistah" advocating for domestic violence victims and survivors. Anyone that knows me know that I don't take this subject lightly. Is it my passion? Is it my spiritual gift(s)? Does my previous experience allow me to be the most suitable person to talk about this subject with? The acknowledgement or answer I'll give today, is yes to all of the above. I recognized the fire that ignites in my soul whenever the subject is discussed a while ago. Did I volunteer for this calling, no of course not! I have learned to accept the calling and get the necessary training, healing and developmental stages I need in order to enhance my services to victims and survivors.

Whatever gift(s) you have, ask God to guide you in how to stir them, craft them, edit them and enhance them. God will enlarge your territories and make sure you seek His guidance in any "next steps" you decide to take. If you have a story to tell, TELL IT! Tell that story, be it through a song, a novel, a poem, a play, a portrait, video, a prayer, a dance, a healing of the hands, a spoken word of kindness, whatever your gift or gifts are, use them.

I think of the unused Christmas gift in your closet that is taking up space. What good is it there, if no one is using it. Don't worry about the lack of finances, support systems and any other immediate logistics that you will eventually need. Speak your gift(s), visions, dreams or goals in to the atmosphere and I promise you, it will not return to you void. Each great milestone I've accomplished started out with me NOT being able to get it done on my own. I had no money in the bank but yet published books. I have no college degree yet, but is starting my own business. So you see, it only takes your visions to be manifested out loud and watch them flourish. I am not only an author and student now, but my professional title is getting longer and longer as the days go by. I have said in private what I want in my life and have taken the first steps to execute them. Yes it took sacrifice and dedication just like anything else of importance and substance. Were there days I wanted to trade my gift(s) with others, "heck" yes!!! Some days I cried and asked God, "Why does it have to be me, to do or say it?" After I removed myself from the situation, I was able to stir up my gifts and those that were blessed by it have helped me enhance my visions!

I always talk about the wonderful new friends I have now and how they support me unconditionally. My gifts doesn't allow me to always be the leader, I have to be a server the majority of the times. So you can imagine what kind of self-esteem boosters I have to give myself. I love serving others than taking on leadership roles. That is my gift: SERVING OTHERS! With domestic violence, your spirit must be humble and non-judgemental. You have to allow people to make their own decisions, no matter how you feel about it, know what the outcome is gonna be. Yes with serving others, you want to make a difference and see them move on in life to better opportunities. Sometimes that just don't happen. The imprint I leave on your wounded heart as a victim of domestic violence, lasts a lifetime. That is the kind of gift that allows my heart to be strong when a client comes to me traumatized, a spectator judges my work or accomplishments, you know the "haters".

What is your gift(s) and how are you using it/them? I want to hear from you and HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

How did you get here? A place where the very words you speak could be life threatening.....glass is thrown, wounds are open and you're feeling all alone. How did you get here? The arms of the one that loves you is the same arms that hurt you. Broken promises are in great multitudes as your inner thighs submit to fulfill a raged heart, so that you can get some sleep. Your mind is in chaos and your heart is above the surface of suicidal thoughts. How did you get here? You were once a beautiful dove in the pasture and now you feel like the crow that roams in the fields. A picture once said that you were loved, respected and beautiful. Now the only memories you have is of shame, guilt, anger and defeat. How did you get here? Money was not enough to allow you stay away from this being that smothers you with concern and yet kills you as each minute that passes by. The thought of a happily ever after filled the pages of your heart. How did you get here? You vowed to never make the same mistakes that momma and grandma made. Your lover would be the likes of Prince Charming and custom made just for you! How did you get here? Now that's not important! Your dreams have been overlapped by their dreams and your goals are in the back of your mind because the place that you are right now requires you to settle for the moment, and pray that you see your future. How did you get here? Love doesn't hurt! You've been taught that but yet the one you love has a problem that you feel you can help solve. My dear chile, how did you get here? It started out with sweet conversations, flowers and giggles in the middle of the night! You felt that intuition but still believed in the power of love. How did you get here? That's not important! The tears that you shed have allowed me to see the beauty for your ashes that God left on your doorstep. How did you get here? I recognize that place myself, it took awhile, but I figured it out and so can you. Grab hold of who you are and rebuild from there. How did you get here, is not important! The cry out for help that is ignored and the diagnosis given is that you have arrived to a place that if you want out........GET OUT!!!! How did you get here and where are you going? Each day place your heart in the hands of those that will cross the rivers with you and whenever you feel helpless, they will help you carry the burning torch to the other side. BREAK THE SILENCE and raise your voices and know that how did you get here isn't important.......the road map to where you're going stretches beyond what you could ever ask for, think or imagine.


This is for a victim of domestic violence. My heart goes out to you and the words that I type are from my heart to yours. I found myself asking this same question. I began to answer that question and from that moment on, my life has been brand new!

HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!!

How To Help A Friend In A Domestic Violence Relationship

I get asked this question a lot: How do I help my friend that's involved in an abusive relationship? My answer will vary depending on more information I'm given about the relationship. However, the most important thing to know is that a victim will only receive help when it's their decision to seek help. As a friend or family member of that victim, you aren't required to do anything. You may assist them in finding available resources such as shelters, money, a safe haven for her and her children if needed and anything else that the victim asks for. Remember that each situation is different and that a victim will finally leave that relationship at a minimum of the seventh time of an attack. This means that you will only help the victim out of their relationship at the moment and they will turn around and go right back to their abusive partner. Please don't get discouraged and angry at the victim. Some victims just want to escape the tragic situation at that moment and therefore is easily persuaded by the partner to return to the relationship/home. As a friend, continue to support the victim but do not let their relationship disrupt your emotional state of mind. Stay positive, prayerful and supportive.

When I was abused, so many people reached out and helped me escape the relationship several times and I turned right around and went back to my partner each time. The abuse didn't stop until I decided I was fed up and was moving on. I know my family and friends probably got tired of seeing me go back and forth but no matter what I chose to do during those times, they were supportive! So again I say, it's their relationship, not yours, so you have to respect their decisions and let them know that you will be there for them if they ever need it.

This may sound harsh but I speak from experience and most survivors will agree with me. It's hard to sit back and watch a love one go through something and you feel helpless. Your unconditional love and support to that friend, will not go unnoticed, I promise you!

I always ask the victim first: What is it that you want to do? Whatever their answer is, we start from there. What I want the victim to do may not be what they want or need at that moment. So the more questions you ask the victim, their answers will provide the greatest assistance to them.

BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!!

Relaxing and Enjoying the Sounds of Peace

Readers,

Today's blog is nothing deep. Nothing that is discussing my views or opinions in regards to a specific topic or pressing issues. Today, right now, I am just enjoying the sounds of birds singing, the crisp grass under my feet, watching my kids playing in the backyard and eating ice cream. That is the sound of peace and a possibility of quiet too. In my world, the clacking and clicking on a keyboard all day is noise. But nature in its natural form, is the quietness I seek. I love taking pictures of "nature happenings". Nature happenings to me is when I can capture a bumblebee buzzing around a flower. Or how about when the sunlight is captured in a small puddle from rain, in front of a tree. It's simple things like that, that makes my heart melt. The current breeze that is bargaining for my attention right now is the sound of peace.

I think that sometimes or moments in a day, no matter what the weather is, you should get away to a place of peace. The company that peace provides is sometimes unexplainable. I journal a lot and to me, when that pen hits the paper and those pages begin to turn, that is the sound of peace. I define peace as a relaxed state of mind. You can find yourself in the middle of a crowded concert hall and locate peace. Your peace is different mine, I'm almost positive of that. But whatever allows you to enjoy peace, I suggest you embrace it and partake in it, often.

How do you relax and enjoy the sound of peace? Let me know your thoughts!!

HELP BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!!

"A NEW ME" PROCLAMATION

My journey: I went from colorful weaves, perms that were dyed. Short hair, long hair and my favorite, blonde hair. I poured out my soul into a BIG chop. There, was the place where I found a new me. More virtuous, forthright, passionate and exploring my inner crowning point. A new me, is the woman you see now walking the boundaries of Earth, with buds that dress my coiffure. This journey hasn't been easy for me, some of the roads were less traveled, but I did arrive at this destiny carefully and timely. A new me listens to the quiet heartbeats of womankind that's been disregarded from: equality, respect, support, love, guidance and the right to her freedom of choice. A new me raises my voice for those that's been silenced by power and control.

My journey: I found love in the flowing Niles of a liquid and the power of release whenever we meet on paper. This love is better than the touch of a man. Now don't get me wrong, I love a man's genuine, strong and sometimes soft touch. This love is occupied only through me. The toils of a heartbreak is never on the surface of a new me. This love that I speak of awakens me at night with kisses of inspirations and breathes life into my existence.

My journey: is now created by a new me. It's designed to capture my beauty from within and share the powerful messages of survivor stories to those who have been silenced to injustices of this society.

As long as there is breath living in my soul, my journey is to help those that suffer from violence of any kind. I want to be that one voice that helps make a difference in the world. Join the new me and help continue to....... BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!

IN THE MEANTIME......

What do you like to do?

What makes you happy?

What are things that you don't like?

What are your goals in life?

Those questions sound real simple to answer, but you would be surprised at how many people, that can't answer ALL of those questions, instantly. I always say this, invest in a journal......if you need help on getting one....PLEASE contact me. Write those questions down in your journal, use small slips of paper and post them on the mirrors in your bathroom, refrigerator, or desk at work. Most importantly, ANSWER those questions!

When I was a victim of domestic violence, those questions were no where near the forefront of my mind. As a victim, you're so caught up in the pleasures and peace of your partner, that you loose focus on who you are outside of that relationship. I talk to numerous victims that all seem to share the same loss of identity and self esteem. I must repeat that if you cannot answer those questions for yourself, there is no way you will maintain a healthy relationship and you can and will fall prey to domestic violence.

In the meantime, while you answer those questions, reflect on who you are as an individual. Do a self analysis. Who is better acquainted with you, then ....... YOU!!! Jot down those analysis in that journal. Take one step at a time and focus on YOU! The pressures of the world is enough for an individual without the add-on drama from a relationship of any kind. Pastor Jamal Harrison Bryant from Empowerment Temple, in Baltimore said it best, "A person should ADD value to your life". Not materialistic values but the people in your life should motivate you, challenge you, agree with and/or have a healthy opposition when disagreeing with your goals and lifestyles. Not everyone needs a cheerleader all of the time. But it starts with you as an individual!

My heart goes out to those that are victims of domestic violence and who have low self-esteem and are unconscious to their self worth. You can't do things in your 20's that you did at the age of 16. There should be growth in your timeline. I am 30 years old and the boys I dated in high school should not be the same type of men that I would date now. Had I not answered some of those questions that I asked you above, I might still be the same individual that I was in high school, now. A lot of people recognize my growth and it wasn't an easy journey. It takes sacrifice and discipline when you want a change to occur in your situation(s). Also note that change does not happen, instantly all of the time, either. I am still developing into this "new me". To me, in order to get to that new place you have to let go of that "old you".

Identify who is the current person that you and others see.

What in your life needs adjusting, tweaking?

Who needs to go and who's clear to stick around in your life?

What bad habits need to be broken?

Who can help keep you and hold you accountable for your reactions and feelings?

Those are just a few more questions to answer, in the meantime, while you work on yourself. These questions were helpful to me in the city of Milwaukee, where I escaped to, during my last domestic violence experience. I had no clue of who I was as an individual outside of my marriage and what goals I had for my future. So this is not an assignment that I am not familiar with. I appreciate those questions and hope with a sincere heart, that you will find value in them, in the meantime...... help BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!