How To Help A Friend In A Domestic Violence Relationship

I get asked this question a lot: How do I help my friend that's involved in an abusive relationship? My answer will vary depending on more information I'm given about the relationship. However, the most important thing to know is that a victim will only receive help when it's their decision to seek help. As a friend or family member of that victim, you aren't required to do anything. You may assist them in finding available resources such as shelters, money, a safe haven for her and her children if needed and anything else that the victim asks for. Remember that each situation is different and that a victim will finally leave that relationship at a minimum of the seventh time of an attack. This means that you will only help the victim out of their relationship at the moment and they will turn around and go right back to their abusive partner. Please don't get discouraged and angry at the victim. Some victims just want to escape the tragic situation at that moment and therefore is easily persuaded by the partner to return to the relationship/home. As a friend, continue to support the victim but do not let their relationship disrupt your emotional state of mind. Stay positive, prayerful and supportive.

When I was abused, so many people reached out and helped me escape the relationship several times and I turned right around and went back to my partner each time. The abuse didn't stop until I decided I was fed up and was moving on. I know my family and friends probably got tired of seeing me go back and forth but no matter what I chose to do during those times, they were supportive! So again I say, it's their relationship, not yours, so you have to respect their decisions and let them know that you will be there for them if they ever need it.

This may sound harsh but I speak from experience and most survivors will agree with me. It's hard to sit back and watch a love one go through something and you feel helpless. Your unconditional love and support to that friend, will not go unnoticed, I promise you!

I always ask the victim first: What is it that you want to do? Whatever their answer is, we start from there. What I want the victim to do may not be what they want or need at that moment. So the more questions you ask the victim, their answers will provide the greatest assistance to them.

BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!!