IN THE MEANTIME......

What do you like to do?

What makes you happy?

What are things that you don't like?

What are your goals in life?

Those questions sound real simple to answer, but you would be surprised at how many people, that can't answer ALL of those questions, instantly. I always say this, invest in a journal......if you need help on getting one....PLEASE contact me. Write those questions down in your journal, use small slips of paper and post them on the mirrors in your bathroom, refrigerator, or desk at work. Most importantly, ANSWER those questions!

When I was a victim of domestic violence, those questions were no where near the forefront of my mind. As a victim, you're so caught up in the pleasures and peace of your partner, that you loose focus on who you are outside of that relationship. I talk to numerous victims that all seem to share the same loss of identity and self esteem. I must repeat that if you cannot answer those questions for yourself, there is no way you will maintain a healthy relationship and you can and will fall prey to domestic violence.

In the meantime, while you answer those questions, reflect on who you are as an individual. Do a self analysis. Who is better acquainted with you, then ....... YOU!!! Jot down those analysis in that journal. Take one step at a time and focus on YOU! The pressures of the world is enough for an individual without the add-on drama from a relationship of any kind. Pastor Jamal Harrison Bryant from Empowerment Temple, in Baltimore said it best, "A person should ADD value to your life". Not materialistic values but the people in your life should motivate you, challenge you, agree with and/or have a healthy opposition when disagreeing with your goals and lifestyles. Not everyone needs a cheerleader all of the time. But it starts with you as an individual!

My heart goes out to those that are victims of domestic violence and who have low self-esteem and are unconscious to their self worth. You can't do things in your 20's that you did at the age of 16. There should be growth in your timeline. I am 30 years old and the boys I dated in high school should not be the same type of men that I would date now. Had I not answered some of those questions that I asked you above, I might still be the same individual that I was in high school, now. A lot of people recognize my growth and it wasn't an easy journey. It takes sacrifice and discipline when you want a change to occur in your situation(s). Also note that change does not happen, instantly all of the time, either. I am still developing into this "new me". To me, in order to get to that new place you have to let go of that "old you".

Identify who is the current person that you and others see.

What in your life needs adjusting, tweaking?

Who needs to go and who's clear to stick around in your life?

What bad habits need to be broken?

Who can help keep you and hold you accountable for your reactions and feelings?

Those are just a few more questions to answer, in the meantime, while you work on yourself. These questions were helpful to me in the city of Milwaukee, where I escaped to, during my last domestic violence experience. I had no clue of who I was as an individual outside of my marriage and what goals I had for my future. So this is not an assignment that I am not familiar with. I appreciate those questions and hope with a sincere heart, that you will find value in them, in the meantime...... help BREAK THE SILENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!